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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not be enjoying being a mum?

16 replies

DownAndFedUp · 04/12/2013 22:05

DD is 13 months, and I'm a single mum. I have been since pregnancy and I am just feeling completely fed up and not enjoying life at all.

I love DD to bits, but she's just so full on.
I can't leave the room, usually can't put her down without constant moaning, and she won't be left with anyone without none stop screaming until I get back, which makes her even clingier after.
She's always been like this, I get that it's just her personality, but I feel completely suffocated.

I miss having a life myself, being a person other than just DD's mum, I miss going out, I miss having any male attention, or having a conversation that isn't revolving around, and interrupted by babies, and I feel completely guilty for feeling like this and not enjoying my time with her.

Am I the only one who feels like this? Everyone else seems so happy!

OP posts:
Jiltedjohnsjulie · 04/12/2013 22:13

Oh down you are not alone and you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling like this. This might help with the anxiety. Do you get out with her much in the day? My DS was hard and it didn't help that I was completely sleep deprived too.

DandyDindie · 04/12/2013 22:15

Sorry OP not much useful but didn't want you to feel alone. I'm sure someone will be along in a minute with helpful advice
Cake

GlitterFingers · 04/12/2013 22:20

Down I feel for you I'm struggling at the moment to. Dd is 15 months and going through some sleep issues. She a darling during the day but won't sleep she is still up now Sad

It can only get better that's what I sing to myself constantly it sort of helps ThanksBrewWine

Original poster
DownAndFedUp · 04/12/2013 22:25

We get out every day, we go to groups and meet up with friends, but if not that then we get out to the park/softplay or for a walk just to avoid being in the house with just me and her and no distractions.

I'm constantly trying to avoid just spending time at home sitting and playing with her. I just feel pretty useless and ill-equipped to be a parent to be honest!

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 04/12/2013 22:26

I think more mothers feel like this than are willing to admit. Please don't feel guilty.

Frankly babies are boring, and yes I am a mother. My children are all grown up now and I have a fantastic relationship with all of them but I found their baby and childhood really hard.

Try to get out more. Do you have friends with babies? If not what about MN local meet ups. Even joining a mother and toddler group might help you find other women in your situation.

What about baby sitters? Family, or joining a baby sitting circle? Your baby needs to learn that you can go away and you'll come back. And you need some time to yourself, even if it's just going out for a cup of coffee or to the library. Never having any time to yourself can lead to depression and that wouldn't be good for either of you.

formerbabe · 04/12/2013 22:27

Things will get better, as they grow up, become more independent and go to school. I felt like you in the beginning. We can love our children without loving the feeding/nappy changing/constant cleaning up etc!

GlitterFingers · 04/12/2013 22:28

It sounds tough do you spend time with other adults much? That normally helps me feel a bit more sane

Have you seen the gp? They could help you I'm sure

gordyslovesheep · 04/12/2013 22:29

oh OP I have felt like that at times - also single mum - my youngest is now 5 and full time in school and I miss her - but it does get better and you will get more time as she grows Cake Wine

happydaze77 · 04/12/2013 22:29

Great article jilted.

Op, you're not alone and you shouldn't feel guilty. When dd had separation anxiety I found it helped to be really upbeat and cheerful when I came back into the room - think really exaggerated sickeningly sweet 'heellllllloooooo' with a big fake smile on your face.

FloozeyLoozey · 04/12/2013 22:32

I've been a single mum since pregnancy and honestly, the main thing that saved my sanity when ds was very little was working! My job wasn't amazing, but I desperately needed that company, adult social interaction and head space to focus on something else. Working with a young one isn't for everyone, but it always really helped me.

pajamapants1 · 04/12/2013 22:32

It does get better and you don't even realise things have changed, one day you'll just realise that things have been easier for a while. I had this when I was 17 and alone. Remember to try to do somethings for yourself too.

MrsMook · 04/12/2013 22:43

I found that quite a hard age. Fortunately I got a temp P/T job which broke it up a bit. I found it easier from roughly 18m. A different set of challenges... but ones I could cope with better. I need to get out of the house most days too. He's rapidly approaching 3 and getting more and more pleasuable for me as he communicates more and shows more personality.
I've found 2yo much more satisfying than 1yo.

I've got DS1 in for an extra nursery day tomorrow as DS2's poorly and I'm shattered, and 3 house days has finished me off (can't take DS2 to groups). I need the break from him, and he'll have much more fun there!

It is hard, especially when there's no respite. That's very normal, and not unreasonable.

Jiltedjohnsjulie · 04/12/2013 22:59

Just remembered the thing that helped me was when they could communicate better. Try teaching her a few basic signs, like more, milk and sleep.

FloozeyLoozey · 04/12/2013 23:02

I just wanted to add, it really does get better OP. You end up with a really close bond when it's just the two of you. Ds got so much easier with age. He's only 7 now but he's great company and a great companion. I don't feel lonely much any more, but I did have some very dark days when he was a tot.

Jiltedjohnsjulie · 04/12/2013 23:16

So true floozey. DS has been out for tea tonight with his friend. You end up really close and missing them when they're out.

Lilacroses · 04/12/2013 23:24

It does indeed get better OP but you are not at all unreasonable for feeling like this. Many parents do at various points in their child's lives. I found the toddler age sort of half wonderful and enchanting and half really exhausting, repetetive and boring. Oddly enough, I found I didn't enjoy playing all the make believe games I felt I would be fantastic at! We did have other things we loved doing together though and once she got a bit older it all became so much easier in fact it's never been that difficult again. She is 11 now and is fantastic company....has been for many years.

It can be isolating and dull at home alone with a toddler, don't feel guilty for saying so. It is doubly hard if you are a single parent ( I was till Dd was about 2.5) and not to have your day punctuated by another parent coming home or whatever is very hard.

Hang in there and don't beat yourself up for feeling like this.

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