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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be considering changing ds 2.11 nursery because he cries so much at drop off?

22 replies

onlysettleforbutterflies · 04/12/2013 21:14

Ds has been going 2 days per week since 8 months old, absolutely loved it until he changed rooms in feb. Since then he has had periods of being ok about going, but mostly getting upset when I say its a nursery day, pleading with me not to take him and being hysterical at drop off. Nursery say he is generally ok after a while but sometimes doesn't fully settle all day. He always seems happy at pick up but says he hasn't had a nice time.

Had a few meetings with nursery as been concerned about staff turnover, basically that they tended to just leave him to it as he is quiet, not cleaning him properly after poo's etc. They held their hands up and things have improved in those respects.

From what they say I don't feel they really know him at all, e.g. they recently commented that he is getting better with his speech, its like he doesn't speak there much, whereas elsewhere everyone comments on how forward his speech is.

Sorry this is so long, just trying to give the full picture. .I don't know if I am being pfb, if its just that he is quiet and would rather be at home, which is unfortunately not an option, if there really is something wrong there or if I move him, he would just be equally unhappy and had the upset of changing nursery on top of it.

Just don't know what to do, I did post about this in august, had a meeting with them and was pleased with the changes but here we are again.

Scared to change and he still be unhappy. Have found a small nursery which may suit him better. I think my gut is to move him, just wish I had a crystal ball.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 04/12/2013 21:16

I'd move him. If he's previously been happy and now he isn't its not him it's the nursery. Especially as your gut instinct is telling you they don't seem to know him and you have found they aren't cleaning him properly.

Doesn't sound right to me at all, I'd definitely move him.

girliefriend · 04/12/2013 21:17

It does sound like a rubbish nursery. I would be concerned if i were you, given the fact that he has been going since he was a baby he should be happy and settled by now - even with the room change.

What is the ofsted report like?

I would be looking at different nurseries tbh.

Oddsocksrus · 04/12/2013 21:22

Move, a good nursery is so important in creating security at school and an enjoyment of doing things away from home.
If he is completely different in character when he is there then my feeling would be that your gut is right.

MelanieRavenswood · 04/12/2013 21:26

I had this with dd. She seemed to settle (started at 14 months) and things went rapidly downhill after a few weeks. They really didn't seem to know her very well, though at one point made much more of an effort with a new key worker. Things were up and down for a time and I finally moved her to pre-school this September when a place came up. She was 3.4 and I was sick of waiting for things to get better.

She is thriving there now and I feel bad for not moving her much earlier. Part of it was that my ds had been to that nursery and got on brilliantly so I kept having faith that things would get better but every time she made a bit of progress (i.e. not clinging to me at drop off), the following week we would be back to square one.

Incidentally, she knew we were looking for a new place and I took her to visit a couple of other settings and I really think it made a difference to how well she settled.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 04/12/2013 21:29

Ofsted is 'good' but since then unfortunately the owner has passed away and a new manager has been brought in.

I really thought he would be there until school and so sad its gone like this, the other rooms were fab.

He is due a room change in the new year but they have already raised concerns about how he would cope is its a busy, loud group and he may feel more lost in there.

He is so friendly and chatty in other environments, its like they're talking about a different boy sometimes.

Now I have written it all down in black and white, its pretty obvious what we need to do, just keep hearing my mother going on about jumping out of the frying pan!

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 04/12/2013 21:29

My DD was similar. Moved her a few months ago. She had been going to the nursery for over 2 years and still cried every day at drop off. The new place she didn't cry once, not even on the first day. The difference is amazing.

hermioneweasley · 04/12/2013 21:32

I was skeptical too, OP. i thought if she wasn't settled there after all that time then how woukd a strange place be better? Anyway, you can just tell when you walk in that the new place is mikes better - really welcoming atmosphere, the carers are much older and really interact with the kids (not bored teenagers filling in paperwork), the manager is phenomenal, there are loads of different activities and it's really child led (instead of set times for water play, etc). Find a place you like the look of and do a visit with your DS if you can.

MisguidedHamwidge · 04/12/2013 21:43

I moved my DS from a nursery at around the same age, for very similar reasons. He took to the new nursery straight away & stopped crying in the mornings. It was then that I realised how unhappy he had been at the first one and that it was more than just separation anxiety.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 04/12/2013 21:47

Thanks so much for sharing all of your experiences, its really giving me confidence in what I am feeling. I have an appointment to look round one on Friday with ds.

OP posts:
devonshiredumpling · 04/12/2013 21:55

go with your guts and move him sorry for being blunt

formerbabe · 04/12/2013 21:55

I nearly moved my son as he was very unsettled at a new nursery...but he got there eventually and ended up being really happy there. In your situation, I would probably move him though as I think not cleaning him up properly is shocking.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 04/12/2013 22:07

I know formerbabe, I actually brought this up again with them today. She said well he comes out of toilet and says he has done it himself, not sure its normal practice to take a toddlers word for it though. I end up having to use nappy cream on him on nursery days. The more I write and read the more I am realising how bad things are Sad.

OP posts:
MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 04/12/2013 22:11

Poor little lamb, my ds1 was like this. Nursery isn't for all kids, some just never take to it.
I kept him at home until school age and let him mix with friends at home.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 06/12/2013 15:14

Just as an update, we went to see a nursery earlier and have pretty much decided to start him there in january. It's a lot smaller, maximum of 12, a little worried its too small and might not be good preparation for school. ..but that's the only concern. Seemed really warm and caring, good policies etc. Fingers crossed this is the right move.

OP posts:
girliefriend · 06/12/2013 15:52

That sounds great only I wouldn't worry about it seeming small as ime reception is a childs preparation for school iyswim?!

Good luck, I am sure you have done the right thing Smile

MelanieRavenswood · 06/12/2013 17:01

I second that, reception classes are very good at helping children from any (or no) childcare settings settle in. I reckon this is a great decision x

Finola1step · 06/12/2013 17:27

Sounds like a good plan. A small group will be lovely. The best way to prepare a child for school IMO is for them to feel happy and secure to be away from you and want to make relationships with other children and new adults. Doesn't matter one jot if they go to small nursery, big pre school, childminder or at home full time.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 06/12/2013 19:55

Thanks for the reassurance about preparing for school, not very clued up yet on how it all works.

Terrified he will hate this nursery too but I guess if he does, at least we'll know its not the nursery failing him this time.

OP posts:
onlysettleforbutterflies · 09/01/2014 14:31

Just as an update; my DS started his new nursery yesterday, obviously still early days but I dropped him off this morning and its the first time I haven't left him crying in nearly a year! Speaks volumes I guess.

They have already said what a happy, clever (preens lol) little boy he is and that its like he has been there years! They seem to know him more after a couple of days, than his last nursery did in all that time.

Thank you for helping me listen to my instincts and for all of the advice.

OP posts:
CunningAtBothEnds · 09/01/2014 16:16

go with your gut OP. DS went to a profit ked nursery, when he moved up a section problems began, he was miserable. finally changed him to a proper preschool...well the difference is phenomenal! you dont have much to loose by trying

BuffyxSummers · 09/01/2014 16:34

Ah, great update! Started reading this like :( but so nice to see he is happy now!

MelanieRavenswood · 09/01/2014 16:57

Excellent! Just be prepared for him to have a little wobble after a few days - lots do after a big change. It doesn't mean it will be back to square one Smile

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