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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not write to school

23 replies

pinklady1107 · 04/12/2013 10:32

Dds school are doing an evening carol service starting at 6.30pm.
Dd doesn't want to participate as her brownie group that she has committed to for 3 years, are having a party for her last night before guides. Fine her choice and actually I believe she should attend brownies as these ladies volunteer their time and out of respect for that she should be there. I haven't however influenced her decision it's been left to her.

School want me to write a written explanation! Now it's out of school hours and I don't see why I need too as its nothing to do with school what my daughter does with her evenings.

Would I be unreasonable to ignore this request and not write a letter? X

OP posts:

2madboys · 04/12/2013 10:33

I'd ignore it - presumably you've told them verbally? What are they going to do if you don't write a letter? Mark it down as an unauthorised absence?

Justforlaughs · 04/12/2013 10:35

I don't see why you should have to if you don;t want to, but I would probably do so. I'd make the point that she is sticking with a long standing arrangement out of respect for people who have given freely of their time to her and other children.

Original poster

pinklady1107 · 04/12/2013 10:36

Exactly - thank you

The only plausible reason would be if it were for data to see why children don't attend but the letter doesn't say that so I'm assuming its not the case x

OP posts:

MadeOfStarDust · 04/12/2013 10:37

I would write - and make them see how absolutely stupid their request for a written reason is....

"pinklady's dd will not attend for the carol concert because she is busy"

regards,
pinklady

Picturesinthefirelight · 04/12/2013 10:40

The carol service at my children's school is compulsory attendance

I did have to write one year to say dd wouldn't be attending as she was performing in the local pro panto but she was out of school in the daytime on licence anyway

Just write a shirt note Sayingvtgat she has a prior commitment.

TheSurgeonsMate · 04/12/2013 10:41

Or you could just grab a sheet of paper and write "minipink - brownie party" on it and hand it over to the person looking for the written notes.

GideonKipper · 04/12/2013 10:42

You could have some fun with the letter though:

Dd can't attend; that is her laundry night. She will have three loads of washing to do and two baskets of ironing to get through after making our evening meal and doing the weekly shop.

Dd can't attend: she is booked to babysit next door's three week old triplets and we can't possibly renege on this arrangement - we need the money.

LEMisafucker · 04/12/2013 10:43

I would ignore, however i wouldnt want DD to get into trouble, i would be inclined to write and say - Its out of school hours so mind your own business

Original poster

pinklady1107 · 04/12/2013 10:46

Thanks everyone I think I may write, following your advice and just keep it short and to the point.

Like the laundry letter

OP posts:

Chivetalking · 04/12/2013 10:47

I wouldn't ignore it for the sake of Making A Point. Keeping the school onside won't hurt.

No need for the ins and outs of a duck's arse. Just write a short note saying she has a prior commitment.

LouiseAderyn · 04/12/2013 10:56

This would irritate me. It takes place out of school hours and you are under no obligation to explain or justify anything to the school.

I think sometimes schools overstep the boundaries and need reminding that it's your child, your business and absolutely none of theirs!

Ephiny · 04/12/2013 11:00

Of course you don't have to. You're not the child here, they don't get to give you homework!

Thymeout · 04/12/2013 11:18

Can't help feeling sorry for the school. If they have the concert in the afternoon, which would certainly suit the teachers better, they get stick from ft working parents who have to take holiday to attend.

And if it's in the evening, they have to show they're taking attendance seriously. Other parents, without good reasons like yours, may not make the effort to get their dcs there. So all the work they've put in, learning carols etc, is wasted and the performance is a shambles.

Just write a note. It's only polite.

justtoomessy · 04/12/2013 11:20

I would write to just say its none of their business! The cheek asking you to explain yourself!

MelanieRavenswood · 04/12/2013 11:42

Don't know how old she is (know nothing about Brownies and Guides!) but is it possible they are just asking so as to make sure they are covering themselves - maybe some children don't attend and go off elsewhere and their parents aren't aware.

I've explained that badly, but I just mean the school probably want to ensure that all children are where they are supposed to be that night!

PicaK · 04/12/2013 11:54

Is it more just a register thing for the school? So they know who's coming and who isn't? In which case just a written "x can't attend" is all it needs (for their records). I can't really see what the problem is.

GideonKipper · 04/12/2013 12:14

Yes, my dc have an evening performance of their Christmas show, a letter was sent with a simple 'My child will / will not be able to attend' , delete as appropriate. Obviously when it's a play they need to know if some of the performers aren't going to be there. Even so there was no reason required.

Brownies goes up to age 10 Melanie.

ImAlpharius · 04/12/2013 12:20

Is she in choir?

If my DC have evening performances the school send out letters asking if the children will be available, so they know if they need to cover parts etc. But it is not seen as mandatory.

FryOneFatManic · 04/12/2013 12:26

Picturesinthefirelight Wed 04-Dec-13 10:40:21
The carol service at my children's school is compulsory attendance

Going back to this bit, how come it's compulsory? I don't think state schools can make out of hours stuff compulsory, can they?

Sleepyhead33 · 04/12/2013 12:53

They will ask for a note so they can keep track of who will actually be attending or not-evening performances tend to be popular with parents but a headache to organise since teachers allocate speaking parts/solos etc knowing full well some parents won't bother to bring their children. It can then turn into a shambolic performance with lots of last minute stand ins. Again, often teachers don't really mind this, but parents complain.

I don't see any problem at all with writing a short not stating your dd won't be attending. Then the teachers will know for definite not to give her any particular role. The phrase pick your battles springs to mind!

Thymeout · 04/12/2013 13:10

I've known state schools that make attendance compulsory for evening events, but there is time-off in lieu. e.g. Last day of term ends at lunchtime - and anyone who didn't turn up for the evening event has to stay on for the afternoon.

But this is difficult at primary level because of childcare issues.

Picturesinthefirelight · 04/12/2013 13:18

It is a private school (dd no longer attends as she is in secondary) but her new school virtually own her lol as its a specialist performing vocational school.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/12/2013 13:28

"Dear School,

DD does not belong to you outside of school hours, so I see no need to provide you with any explanation of her activities or whereabouts.

Love, pinklady".

Probably a tad too stroppy, but I would be so tempted!

Your other option would be to misinterpret the letter totally, and send them a very, very detailed account of all her planned activities between now and Christmas - including meals, bath times, story times etc etc.

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