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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU taking sweets to this childrens party/activity?

22 replies

choceyes · 04/12/2013 10:08

This happened a few days ago and I still feel bad about it.

My good friend who has 3yr old twins, invited my two DCs and another child to a christmas decoration making party after school. She said snacks would be appreciated and she would provide the crafty stuff.

I had been shopping in a deli earlier that day so picked up some pretzels and some fancy polish fudge pieces, little ones wrapped like little sweets (they were tiny, size of a small sweet), all tied up with christmas bow, which I thought would be a nice gift to share.

DS, saw these sweets in my bag when I picked him from school, and I said he can have one at the party.

At the party, the other parent had bought little bags of chocolate biscuits, which were handed out and all the kids ate them. Then my DS reminded me about the fudge pieces he knew I had brought and asked for one, so I opened the pack and gave him and my DD one each. My friends twins came over and asked for one, so I asked my friend if they could have one (she had told me a week or two ago that she was cutting down on sweets as they've been eating too much of them recently - so this is where i feel bad, I should have remembered this) and she went a bit ballistic, telling me no, they can't have any and can I hide the sweets etc etc. So I put them away in my handbag.

I'm still feeling bad, because does she now think I stuff my DCs with sweets? Nobody asked me whether my DCs can have a bag of chocolate biscuits? I wasn't to know that another parent was bringing sweet things too? Nevertheless, I took a gift, isn't it rude to ask me to hide it? I'm quite strict about sugar normally, and DCs eat very healthily with few treats and sugary stuff is limited, and if somebody brought in some sweets to the house, I'd graciously accept it and share it out. Is it really the end of the world? WIBU?

OP posts:

Canidae · 04/12/2013 10:13

The could eat chocolate biscuits but not fudge? Bit odd to me.

Original poster

choceyes · 04/12/2013 10:14

In the past she has brought Kinder eggs to our house for all the children, and another time some chocolate, so I thought she was relaxed about this sort of thing.

OP posts:

missshallot · 04/12/2013 10:19

She is being totally unreasonable - it was one sweet & you did ask her first!

Fakebook · 04/12/2013 10:31

Were the fudge sweets in a cow themed wrapper by any chance? I love them. They are tiny though so don't see what issue weird mum had. Ywnbu. It's not the end of the world. She was rude.

SashaOfSiberia · 04/12/2013 10:34

She was totally unreasonable and a poor host in my opinion. If someone brings you a gift I think you should graciously accept it.

You can't be expected to keep track of her changing moods or the eating fads she is following.

Just forget about it, she seems a bit highly strung.

Original poster

choceyes · 04/12/2013 10:37

Yes, a cow themed wrapper! They are delish. Me and DH polished the lot off at home afterwards.

It was a bit embarassing for me to have to hide the sweets away (her DD was crying because she couldnt' have one - made me feel so bad), whatever did the other mother think I don't know.

OP posts:

emmaliz · 04/12/2013 10:40

I think she was being rude. Don't really understand why they could have biscuits with sugar and butter in and not fudge with sugar and butter in. People are weird though. Don't take it personally

emmaliz · 04/12/2013 10:42

next time take some satsumas

Original poster

choceyes · 04/12/2013 10:44

Maybe it was the sweets on top of the chocolate biscuits that sent her off the edge. If they didn't eat the chocolate biscuits already maybe it would have been fine...who knows! Anyway, thanks for the responses. It's good to know that I wasn't being totally unreasonable.

OP posts:

Fakebook · 04/12/2013 10:49

An ex-colleague used to bring back loads of bags of them from Poland and put them in the kitchen for us, they really are lovely! Everyone was happy when Tesco started selling them. I think they have fortune cookie type notes written in them in polish too.

I wouldn't worry about it. She can't expect everyone to follow her rules for their own children.

Chivetalking · 04/12/2013 10:54

Bizarre. Not like you stuck it down their throats when she wasn't looking

She is Fudgezilla. Don't give it a second thought.

GoodbyeRubyTuesday · 04/12/2013 11:05

But you didn't give her the sweets as a gift to share with all the children. You gave sweets to your own children first then the other children asked you for one rather than you offering them around. I'd find that a bit weird if you were visiting me. Whereas the other parent presumably handed over the biscuits so the host could share them out? Personally I think you should have given the host the sweets if they were a gift. Then it would be up to her if/when to share them out.

ICameOnTheJitney · 04/12/2013 12:02

I agree with Poppy....maybe if you'd simply handed them over to her.....the way you might a bottle of wine at a dinner party, then she could have policed it...but she was still rude. As a matter of interest, why didn't you hand them to her? If a host asks for snacks to be brought, the assumption is that they're handed over surely?

Original poster

choceyes · 04/12/2013 12:14

I put the sweets and the pretzels I bought on the table (where she had laid out the crafty stuff too) along with the things that the other parent bought who came before me. I must have said something along the lines of "I brought these" as I was putting the things down.

My friend decided that the children couldn't have any of the snacks till after they have done the arts and crafts and she removed them from the table to a side table in their dining room where the children couldn't get to them.

The other child was quite tall for her age, so I think she probably got hold of the chocolate biscuit bags that her mum brought along and handed them out herself or my friend did, I don't really know as I was in another room with the crafty stuff. I only knew about the choc bics when my Dcs came into the room with them.
Oh and the other parents had bought pombears too

OP posts:

audreyandrustygriswold · 04/12/2013 12:20

No, YWNBU. You were asked to bring snacks and you did.

Perhaps though, it is best to give the snacks to the parents who are hosting, so they can decide what and when to serve them? I know my DD would be like a rabid dog if there were loads of sweets sitting out!

Sometimes when we have friends round or at friends DD has more sweets/biscuits etc than I think she should, but it is so rare, I just let it go!

audreyandrustygriswold · 04/12/2013 12:20

Oh and she should specified to you to bring something savoury if that was what she really wanted. Or perhaps had a quiet word with you afterwards about bring sweets. But going all ape shit in front of the kids is a bit OTT!

2Tinsellytocare · 04/12/2013 12:23

YABU for making me want fudge YANBU about the other stuff

Floggingmolly · 04/12/2013 12:28

She is being unreasonable because she'd asked you to bring snacks.
You were unreasonable because you didn't actually give the fudge to your host; when your child reminded you of it you gave a piece each to your own two children, making the other child have to come over and ask for some ? . Why did you do that?
It reminds me of student parties; bringing your own drink in a carrier bag, and not letting it out of your sight in case someone else grabs one.

Original poster

choceyes · 04/12/2013 12:31

I wouldn't have offered them out at all, if I hadn't already promised my DS a sweet. I had told him already he was going to have one at the party as the intention was to share it out. The pombears and the chocolate biscuits were already shared out, so I went and got the sweets and gave one to DS as I had already promised him, then all the other children saw..so..Anyway I would normally have left it to the host to offer out anything that I take, I never take anything with the intention of eating/drinking it there and then, but a promise to a 5yr old, seemed a bit mean not to adhere to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

choceyes · 04/12/2013 12:35

Floggingmolly - I have already explained that I did give my friend the stuff I bought, but she took them away out of reach of the kids, saying that they could have them after the activities. So after the activities is when they ate them.
The other children wouldn't have to come over and ask for some if my friend had just left them on the table for everybody to share.

OP posts:

ICameOnTheJitney · 04/12/2013 13:35

I would have thought fudge a perfect addition to a festive little gathering like this...I'd have brought some! Plus crisps or whatever....she's a werdo.

neolara · 04/12/2013 13:37

She sounds bonkers. Really, don't worry about it.

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