to think I shouldn't always be the default parent?

[ExcitedEmmy]

DP and I both have 6 year olds from our previous marriages and an 18 month old together. My dd sees her father usually alternate weekends, DP sees his son every Sunday and full weekends when he isn't working Saturdays. This Sunday dd and I have been given some tickets to a show which my friend is to ill to attend. We were meant to be going to a soft play area on Sunday and although that's a far more toddler friendly environment, dp has just assumed toddler will be coming with dd and I to the theatre.

Similarly, last week he took toddler dd to his mum's while I was working from home. He had a doctor's appointment that afternoon and so bought her home to me first rather than just take her along as I would do if roles were reversed.

Whenever he makes plans with his son he never factors in our dd, it's just assumed I will have her if whatever they're doing isn't suitable for her. Of course I want him to have a good relationship with his son but despite my dd living with us, I actually feel I see her less than he sees his son. Since toddler dd was born, elder dd and I have had one single afternoon alone together. I would love to spend some one on one time with her, and have told DP this, but he just shrugs and says we're all too busy - the thought that he could have toddler dd as well as his son while I spend time with dd doesn't even cross his mind. AIBU to think I shouldn't always be the default parent?

YANBU - when I saw your thread title I thought YABU as for me it is much easier to think that I am responsible for sorting everything out for DD (jabs, nursery payments, party gifts etc) so I am the default parent for admin, but DH does take care of her when I am busy and does so without making a fuss. I don't know what it is like to be in a family with more than child, not to mention a blended family, but I agree that your toddler DD's time should be split evenly when you are both available but not in the same place.

Spell it out to him. When he assumed the toddler would be going to the theatre you needed to say "No, it isn't suitable, toddler is staying with you and ds". As an aside, do you even have a ticket for the toddler because you will need one, even if s/he is sitting on your knee. If you want 1-2-1 time with your dd (and you should), tell DP that on X Sunday, you and dd will be going to and that he will need to take toddler with him when he sees his son. Surely he wants his son to have a relationship with his half-sibling anyway?

Yes, unexpected, he does but only if I'm there to look after her it seems. It just irritates me that I feel I have to ask him to look after our dd when common sense should tell him he's better equipped to have her at certain times. Then even when he has had her for a couple of hours he's said: 'I'm glad I was off work to look after her for you'

I think everything you say is reasonable except to suggest that you are seeing less of your dd than he is of his ds - I know what you mean about time alone, but regular, seeing-you-every-day times mean a lot to a child.

The theatre trip sounds like an ideal opportunity to have a "special day" with your dd. I would not take my 18 month old to a show, not without expecting to have to take him out halfway through.

That would really irritate me. Does he call it babysitting too?

There is a reason he is not with his DS mum and this might it .

I think you are going to have to teach what being a full time father is.