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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think charity workers shouldn't be allowed to knock on your door?

64 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeSkiddinInSnow · 03/12/2013 20:44

I've had three tonight. Three different couples representing three different charities.

I don't want to be specific about which charities, but here's the gist.

The 1st couple worked for a cancer charity. My door went at 6pm. So off i went out to answer. As soon as i opened it, I was greeted with, "Would you like to help a child with cancer?' No hello or anything. So i just said, "no thank you," feeling tremendously guilty. What is the appropriate response to that?

2nd couple came at 8.10pm, representing a charity for deaf people. Again, the door went. I answered. Conversation went like this:

Them: "Oh, that was a very determined door-opening!"
Me: "Can i help you?"
Them: "How are you doing tonight?"
Me: "Sorry, i've left my daughter upstairs. I'm halfway through getting her sorted for bed. Can i help you?"
Them: "Ah, what age is she? I have a little one myself."
SILENCE.
Them: "We're from X. Would you like to sponsor -"
Me: "Sorry, not interested."

3rd couple came at 8.20 pm, representing a different cancer charity. So i opened the door (with dd shouting from upstairs, "Muuuuum, please come and finish my story!").

Them: "Oh, hello there. Is your mum or dad at home?"
Me: Hmm
Them: "Sorry, is that your little one i can hear shouting?"
Me: "Yep. What is it you're wanting, please?"
Them: "Well, why don't you go see to her and we'll chat when you're done? Or we can come back?"
Me: "What is it you're selling?"
Them: "Well, we're from X. We're wondering if you know anything about -?"
Me: "Sorry, no thanks."
Them: "Ah, you're probably wanting to keep extra for your Christmas shopping, eh?" (Clearly this was intended to be a joke, but i didn't find it remotely funny.)

I hate unexpected visitors. Especially when they give big police-knocks such as these people did earlier. It makes me all edgy. This doesn't happen often by the way. Perhaps 3-4 times a year.

Surely charities' money would be better spent by:
a) not paying their directors over £100 grand a year
b) not employing so many chuggers
c) advertising their charities in a way that doesn't intimidate people (knocking on their doors/approaching them on the street/standing by the doorways of shops) and perhaps using something like billboards, posters, leaflets, free seminars. Things that can be voluntarily approached rather than have thrown in people's faces.

If anything, people coming to my door trying to sell me a charity actually puts me off them. Charity is a personal thing. It should be voluntary. It should come from the heart; not from intimidation/guilt.

Or ... AIB totally U?

OP posts:
CoconutRing · 03/12/2013 21:47

I never answer my door unless I'm expecting a visitor. I never give to charities over the phone or by a doorstep demand. I loathe chuggars. I foolishly sent £5 via text to Comic Relief and I was harassed by charity after charity. I had to change my mobile number. If a charity sends me junk mail, I post it straight back to them.

I spend money in a local animal charity shop. I can be anonymous. The volunteers are lovely. I walked into a well known national charity shop the other day. I had no sooner stepped over the threshold when I was accosted by a member of staff offering raffle tickets! No thank you.

Huitre · 03/12/2013 21:56

I hate it all too and YANBU.

It's all very well saying don't answer, but if someone bangs on your door when you are putting a small kid to bed and they've heard then there are endless questions until you've established who it is and sent them away.

I wish there was something like the TPS only for addresses so you could opt out of cold callers entirely.

bearleftmonkeyright · 03/12/2013 21:58

Yanbu, my parents had two come to the door whilst I was there. They are not stupid and I didn't want to intervene as its their house but they were persistent, pushy and false. I told them to sling their hook.

NicPen · 03/12/2013 22:01

Yanbu

Don't answer the door, if you do by mistake say sorry you don't speak English.

They wouldn't keep doing it if everyone did those 2 things.

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 03/12/2013 22:03

I have a sign. They still knock. I ask them if they can read, then shut the door.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 03/12/2013 22:15

I know charities are desperate for money, and people give less in a recession and at the same time people need more from alot of charities... So the rational side of me understands that.

However, like the poster who'd had chemo, I had a similiar experience, which has really stuck in my brain. I opened the door to a young woman chugger, who asked me if I wanted to help disabled people. I said well, I am disabled and I'm bloody desperate for help so I'm not really the right person to ask.

It obviously didn't compute as she actually tittered like I'd made a fucking joke and carried on with her spiel about the poor disabled people (nice and patronizing thanks), and ignored me when I said 'look, I'm in alot of pain standing here whilst you talk, I only opened the door as I thought you were my carer and I had to really struggle to even stand up... And she just looked confused and carried on. Was still talking when I closed the door.

It's like if you don't reply according to their script they don't register a word you're saying. I get that they've heard every excuse in the book, but really, what harms they got to gain by it? It's not like I'm going to help the 'poor disabled leople' if im watching my life slowly collapse and am right in the edge of collapse.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 03/12/2013 22:16

And btw I sponsor a child in Uganda so it's not like im against charity in general!

Yumsnet · 03/12/2013 22:16

I emailed our local trading standards office this week, and they sent some free stickers/signs - which I received the day after I sent the email!

mumToOne33 · 03/12/2013 22:28

Yanbu. I would never sign up to anything on the doorstep, I like to choose my own charities.

lifesgreatquestions · 03/12/2013 22:32

Urgh, do NOT knock on my door if I don't know you. YANBU, it's so annoying.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 03/12/2013 22:33

I've started saying,

"I sponsor a tiger."

This confuses them long enough for you to either run away or quickly close the door.

And it's true, I do sponsor a tiger. She lives in Nepal though, not in my house.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/12/2013 22:40

I open the door and if it's a collector I just shut it without saying anything - they're easy to identify with the patronising expressions and tags round the necks.

They don't knock again Grin

NurseRoscoe · 03/12/2013 22:43

I cannot stand them! Literally one of the things I hate most in the whole entire world.

Worst part about them is they are so bloody cheery and 'jokey'. I HATE banter from people I don't know, especially men and more importantly, that isn't going to make me want to donate! Someone who spoke sincerely about the charity, really wanting to educate and persuade me to donate would encourage me more! Not some silly 'cheeky chappy' who looks like a nightclub promoter - it doesn't fit the image!! There is nothing cheerful about sick children! you can be enthusiastic and friendly without the jokes such as calling me and my partner 'posh & becks' or shouting 'hey beautiful' when I had been to the gym and knew I looked like crap!

The only time I have ever donated to a 'chugger' was to a diabetes charity. My beloved dad has diabetes, I didn't know the charity existed and the man started the conversation with 'hi, do you know anyone who has diabetes', simple, sincere and was able to answer all my questions on how the charity helps people. This was in town with a big display up though, not at my door at night.

londonrach · 03/12/2013 22:52

Dont think they allowed to call at peoples homes. I phoned up the council when red cross called and was told that by the council especially as i had a sign. The council told me to report it to head office and took street name, time and which charity off me. Last time in the street i accident said i dont give to bloggers leaving the chugger shell shocked. Their organisation is useless, better reporting to head office of charity. Although must be working as seen a few old collection tins recently... :-)

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 03/12/2013 22:55

Yanbu. I always say 'not interested' and close the door (often before they speak). If I see them through the window I gesture them away with my hand and don't answer the door.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 03/12/2013 23:02

I had a chugger shout 'Oi there, lovely lady in red' Hmm that kind of shit is not going to get my good side.

Really do hate it when they call at my home. It's always at such an inconvenient time. YANBU, OP. They are just really annoying.

Ullapull · 03/12/2013 23:09

Yanbu - I do not understand why they do it at children's mealtimes and bedtimes like they always seem to round here, drives me mad.

Complain directly to the charity on Twitter or Facebook to shame them if their doorstep workers are awful.

BreconBeBuggered · 04/12/2013 00:06

The ones round here always, I mean always, tell me how generous the neighbours have been, to encourage me to follow suit.

They forget, I know my neighbours.

Pendeen · 04/12/2013 00:54

"To think charity workers shouldn't be allowed to knock on your door"

[hmmm] allowed?

What do you mean by that?

"Allowed" by whom?

Do you want to stop anyone knocking on your door? Perhaps you believe the police should station an officer by your door to arrest anyone who dares to knock? Is there a list, defining who should and who should not be allowed to knock at your door?

Please clarify your rather odd AIBU.

summermovedon · 04/12/2013 06:57

YABU on the basis that you don't have to open the door, and if someone is there and you answer polite manners cost nothing and don't have to use up your time. People knocking on doors whether invited or not are people, and slamming doors in their face or being rude is not on. Just don't answer!

MummyPig24 · 04/12/2013 06:57

I put a no cold callers sticker on my door. After that I had 2 charities knock in one evening. They obviously employ people who cannot read! I find them really intimidating and I hate it.

Gingefringe · 04/12/2013 07:09

I just tell them that I donate to that charity already!!
Bit cheeky but it seems to work.

Anatanacoat · 04/12/2013 07:14

I no longer donate to any charity that uses chuggers. They've got to be stopped! I get hassled 3-4 times a day, every day.

And yeah, tbh I'm not really...I don't think a lot of charities really do anything? What problem has a charity ever solved? I think state intervention and the market/advancement solves problems. If we'd left cholera, or smallpox, or sanitation to charities, we'd all be giving £2 a month to help the parents who lost children to smallpox cope by having a coffee morning.

I lived in poverty caring for my paralysed husband for years and years. Often I could not afford to eat, and had to just huddle in bed because I could not afford to heat downstairs. I never slept. I had to get up every 120 minutes night and day to turn him over because I could not afford the £1500 for the mattress he needed. Did any charity help me? Did they fuck! (And yes, I asked, but we never fitted into their particular tiny niche: too old, too young, too white, too male, not an ex-serviceman or an ex-miner or an ex-anything, and on and on it goes.)

Coffee mornings. It's just coffee mornings all the way down.

MiaowTheCat · 04/12/2013 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaidOfStars · 04/12/2013 10:15

Having been on the receiving end of funding from a small selection of medical research charities (two of which doorstop), I usually either:

  1. Bombard them with questions about the specific research projects they are funding right now, and what their strategic aims are for the next five years.
  2. Outline the inefficiency of them collecting from me, removing any costs to the charity, then paying me back in my salary, at a net loss to them.
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