To tell OH to spend all future xmases with his Ex Wife.

[Gossipmonster]

OH was an arse last Xmas and the two before that actually.

We have a good relationship but quite complicated arrangements with our 6 DC and him being in the Navy (so as not to drip feed).

Last year ended in a row over Christmas dinner (with my 3 DC sat there bemused) and him storming off and sitting in our bedroom and me trying not to cry :( excellent .

This yr he is working (forces) so will be away - the kids and I are going to a friends for dinner.

Every yr we have collected his kids Boxing Day and had them until NYE/NYD, done a second Xmas with them and generally had a nice Christmassey time. Normally meaning we have his kids while mine are at their dads (their mum will not let us have the kids at Xmas) his grown up DS is always invited here but prefers to come for New Year too.

Just had a conversation with him on the phone and he said we'll prob have a better time without him as he's always shitty at Xmas. When I asked what exactly there was to be shitty about he said because he misses seeing his kids.

AIBU to feel angry and pissed off that he, a grown adult, feels its ok to make my kids Xmas miserable because he's not going to see his kids until the next day and have them for an entire frigging week?!

AIBU to find this really selfish that he can't get over himself and cheer the fuck up or else go and take his sorry arse to his ex wife's?!

OP I haven't seen how old the dc's are.

Not last xmas but the one before I broke up with someone that I adored because he wanted to be with his grown up, married dcs, with their own partners and dcs (500 miles away) and not spend it with me and mine. We were leaving mine with their df to spend New year with his on 27th December. That wasn't good enough. So I dumped him and broke my heart for almost a year because I knew there would be this row every year.

Xmas is a nightmare

We are engaged and he's gong to be on base not deployed.

Just think yes its shit but I had kids with a total twat who refuses to speak to me - I didn't want to ever bring my kids u
Like this but I have to and I am not grumpy every day.

We see his kids Boxing Day morning and have them (usually) over New Year.

Still don't know the ages, or in fact the dynamics (ex hadn't lived with his littlies for over 20 years) that's what made the difference for me.

I sincerely hope you haven't set a date for the wedding. It all sounds exhausting.

This sounds so like my ex. He would make every xmas absolutely bloody miserable, sulk and strop and blame it on not seeing his older boys (they came 4pm xmas day). When we split I offered him xmas day with our DS. Not once has he bothered to take me up on it.

In my ex's case he is a man who cannot bear not being centre of attention. He is a man-child having a strop because the day doesn't revolve around him.

Is your OH selfish/ self centred in other ways??

Your it was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Sorry for the threadjack OP but it really will be like this every xmas...

Haha!! If he was offered a date to spend Xmas with his DC he would leave the Navy if he had to!

It is tiring but we love each other and make each other happy and I adore his kids. But thanks for the pessimistic remarks :)

Pessimistic remarks?

Be optimistic then

Still haven't heard how old the dc's on either side are.

His are under 10 mine are teenagers and one 11 yr old.

Pessimist remarks was aimed at PP about hoping we hadn't set a wedding date.

Oh I see, so you love the littlies, but you have to take their dm into consideration as well as the dcs. As I said upthread, as a dm, to be seperated on xmas day from dcs is hearbreaking.

Kick dp up the arse, sorry I'm tired and exdh took my dcs away some xmasses.

Stick to what you want. END.

Need to go to bed now but your thread is poignant for me. x

You ARNBU. Tell him to grow up. It's just a day. Tell yourself he's sad, you!d feel sad. But buck up. It's just a day.

In the greater scheme of things, it's just a day. Shift your calendar/ mindset have 1st & 2nd nights/days of Christmas.

It doesn't matter the calendar date.

What matters is what you do when you're together.

I have had to do alternate Christmases with my two sons for the past 10 years. It is heartbreaking but no way would I ruin any one else's Christmas because I miss my kids. Each year I have not had my boys I have had the day with other family or friends where there have been kids. I could not and would not ruin it for them.

For the first time in 10 years we will all be together this year - my boys, their Dad, his partner, her children and various other members of an extended family. But that is because my eldest is terminally ill - that certainly puts things into perspective and you are able to put silly grievances aside and just be happy in the moment.