To be scared because I don't know what's happening to me?

[MoveYourArmsLikeHenry]

Hi all. Therapeutic ramble here.

I am in my mid 20s and been at my job for a few good years now. Loved it at first but now I can't stand it and I just want to walk out and leave.

I have never been perfect, and make mistakes just like everyone else. Problem is you are not allowed to make mistakes at my work and this stresses me out badly. I am only human and occasionally will muck up.

Over the past few months I am just constantly making mistakes, constantly stressing and worrying, and fucking things up. I frequently forget things and have gotten into serious trouble a few times over it

This, added to my general feelings of worthlessness and misery, are making my life hell. I am just so stupid and can't do anything right :( obviously I don't mean to make all these mistakes but I don't know why they keep happening. It just seems like every day I am getting dimmer and dimmer and more clumsy.

My life is in tatters at the moment :(

Wow, do you think that there might be something actually wrong, as in a medical condition? Are your managers sympathetic when you make a mistake or very critical? Do they offer retraining? Do you think that their attitude is making you more stressed? Can you change jobs? So many questions, but so many possiblities.

Oh my love. I could have written this about 2 years ago (actually, I think I did!)

Please go and see your GP; tell them exactly what's going on. Print out your post if it feels too hard to say in person. See if your employers offer counselling - possibly through an employee assistance programme - and take it up. Taking some time off may also be a good idea; I ended up being signed off for 8 weeks and it was just what I needed although I really had to be pressganged into it.

Has something changed in your job to make you hate it? Can you tell us a little about what you do? I know it feels like anything you say will totally out you but believe me, there are MNers who live in the same city as me and do the same job and I have no clue who they are.

You are NOT stupid.Maybe the pressure of the situation is making you like this?Whatever the teasins its not healthy.Make a fresh start hun x

Lol reasons not teasins???

Are there other things happening in your life?
Are you overtired a lot?

Hmm... how is your life otherwise? Any issues that could be affecting your work performance?

Definitely worth a visit to the GP I'd have thought.

Thanks everyone. To be honestly most of my life I have been miserable. My childhood was turbulent, even from a young age I could tell things weren't right. My mum was bipolar, had alcohol problems and when I was 14 she over dosed on her meds (she was ok, but was in and out of mental health hospitals), social services got involved to help me. When I was a late teen she passed away.

As an adult I have confidence issues and in general just feel like I don't belong in this world. I am very bad at taking criticism (constructive or other wise) and will admit to letting people walk over me. I feel powerless to stand up for myself and to be honest I feel like I deserve to be unhappy. My own mother, when she was alive, said I was a loser and I always would be. Well I'm living up to her expectations of me :(

If my own mother said that then why should anybody else see me any differently?

Right. Firstly you are not a loser. And never will be. It sounds like you've had a hard childhood and your lack of self esteem is biting you in the bum. You mum was wrong. You sound like a nice person who needs some help and guidance. I agree with those who said visit a doctor. It's almost as if you are making yourself fail subconciously to reinforce your negative opinion of yourself. You need to change the script in your head from negative to positive.

Good luck moveyour xxxxxxxxx Let us know how you get on!

Because your mother was mentally ill, and possibly abusive (although that might have been her illness talking). Either way what she says DOESN'T COUNT.

We all make mistakes. What started the process where you started making more mistakes than is usual?

I really think you need to think about what you want from life, and I really think you should talk it through with a counsellor.

You don't have to live up to your mother's expectations, but only you can change what needs to be changed. xx

I read on here today about assertiveness training. I dont know where you get it to, but it might help you.

Ok, have you considered coping strategies?
Review your work and break it down into simpler tasks. Look at each task and break it down into simpler steps. Write them down and use this as a check list.
Use a diary or Outlook to remind you what needs to be done on a weekly/monthly basis.
Depending on the complexity of your work, this may take a lot of time or effort so take it as slowly as you need to. Add or edit steps/tasks as you need.
In my old job I had a print out for each day and week, month, quarter and annual task. I used Outlook to set reminders so I didn't forget irregular duties.
I hope this helps. Everyone goes through a shitty period at work. When you do screw up try and see where you went wrong and how you would do it differently next time.
Good luck.