I should be more grown up about this, but it really annoys me!

[bookshelvesarefull]

This is about a piano! My piano! Well, not really my piano...
And this is going to be very very long, but I am sure that writing about it will be therapeutic for me! Here we are:

I emigrated many years ago, but I am still very close to my parents and siblings (DB and DSis), who live all within 3 miles of each other (DB and DSis are both married and have children between the age of 8 and 13.

When I was a child I begged to have piano lessons, but I quit after 4 years. I was the only one in the family interested in music. My (very supportive) parents bought a piano so I could practise at home, and always said that they liked it as a piece of furniture, so were not too upset when I quit my lessons. I always considered the piano to be "mine", but of course, it is my parents' piano. I then left my country, and the piano was left to gather dust.

Four years ago my DSis asked my DM if she could borrow the piano (moving it to her own house), for her DD. They didn't want to buy a piano in case her DD decided to quit after a little bit. After 4 years, they still have the piano.

My DM has asked for the piano back (probably not in a very assertive way) two years ago, as my DD was going to spend the whole summer at my DM's house, and wanted to practise for her piano grades. Somehow, my DSis kept the piano, and my DM ended up renting a piano (I offered to pay, but DM said that it was her idea, and refused to accept the money).

We are going to stay at DM's house for 2 weeks at Xmas, and my DD told me she would like to practise her pieces, so I asked my DM if I can arrange to rent a piano again (and pay, as it is my idea this time!).

Well, without me knowing about this, my DM asked my DSis to have the piano back, but DSis said she wasn't expecting that question, so she needs time to decide, and possibly she needs it for 3-4 more years. DM told DSis that if she wants to keep the old piano, DM will buy another one because she wants a piano in her house. (I have to say that my DM is not very happy with DSis at the moment... for other reasons that are not linked to the piano at all, so DM is trying to "pick a fight"!)

I have to add, as I think it is relevant, that my DSis is very wealthy (she works very hard in a well paid job, her DH doesn't work, they have a cleaning lady 5 mornings a week, they spend 2-3 weeks abroad every year, for ex., in India, or South Africa, plus other trips to Paris during the year; they have two houses, spend £ 5000 on a piece of furniture, or a rug, etc, and are not too modest about all this!). So it's not that they cannot afford a piano!

I am annoyed as I should be able to be above all this, and just enjoy Christmas and my relatives, and ignore this silly piano stuff - but I just cannot understand why DSis cannot buy her own piano.

Fell free to tell me off and to tell me that there are much more important things in the world.

Not a lot to add, except that I was given a large keyboard/ organ as a birthday present when i was about 12. I left it at DPs when I went to university but when I moved out permanently I wanted to take it with me, for DS. I was then told that it was never mine despite it being a birthday gift, and that I couldn't have it. I was even more upset when DPs gave it to a charity shop
YANBU but you might have to suck it up.

YABU and I really cannot believe to need me to explain why that is.

Can your Dd practice at you Dsis's house??
Meanwhile, YABU.

YANBU. It's your DM's and she shouldn't have to beg for it back or buy another one. I'm not sure what she can do if your DSis holds it to ransom though!

Does your niece still use the piano or is it just gathering dust?

Your sis should pay her for it if she wants to keep it.

YANBU it's your parents piano. If your mother wants it back for whatever reason, she is entitled to get it back from your dsis. Infact your dsis should be thanking your parents for the loan of the piano for so long as otherwise they would have had to buy or rent one or go without

and look at it from your Dsis's point of view. If the piano is being used why should she have to give it back for the odd week here and there when one can be rented, it will be a royal pain in the arse and really, your mum shouldn't have said she could use it if she is going to keep asking for it back. It is totally irrelevant how much money your Dsis has.

MomOfTwoGirls2 It is easier for me to arrange for DD to practise at a music shop that sells pianos (we did this last year, the music shop people were so kind to us, and didn't charge us anything) than at my DSis's house, as DSis's family have a busy schedule, even during the holidays.

Betty... My niece still uses the piano, although I don't think she practises more than once or twice a week, so she could actually practise at my DM's house...

YANBU. It's your Mum's piano. DSis should return it. You can get pianos for free on gumtree. But this should remain between your mum and sister.

I dunno, I really think that if your niece still uses it then it is really unfair of your mum to ask for it back. It works both ways, if your DN can practice at your mums house then surely your DD can practice at her house??

Is there a back story between you and your Dsis?

So you want your DSis and DM to go to the almighty faff of shifting a full size piano back and forth between one house where it's regularly used to another where it's 'a nice piece of furniture', at Christmas, so your daughter can do - or more likely not do - some piano practice, again at Christmas? All because you fancied the idea of playing piano many years ago but jacked it in after four years, and think the piano should live at your mum's for the rest of its life?

Yes, YAB a bit U. And anyway apart from the cost, moving pianos about isn't good for them.

Oh, sorry, I misread that - your DM is offering to rent a piano.

Seriously, does anyone do piano practice over Christmas? I sense there's a lot more to this than the piano, but is it really worth letting this turn into a big issue at a time of year when everyone's tense enough already - and your DD might end up feeling she's the cause of a big family row?

The key phrase in the OP is 'my DM is not very happy with my DSis' at the moment. The piano is a red herring and I would do my very best not to insert myself into their argument. Suppose your DD doesn't get round to practicing at all - is it really worth the hassle? As stephenisjustcoming says, it isn't going to do the piano any favours at all either.

Don't know how much money you have (or how much a piano costs) but could you buy DSis and family a piano as their Xmas present? Perhaps with a note saying 'Now can I have my piano back please?'

milkmoustache and others, that's a good point. I don't want to cause any problems about this (BTW, I didn't suggest asking for the piano back, I asked if I could arrange for a piano rental at my DM's house), and I don't want my DD to feel she MUST practise (although I think DD would actually enjoy concentrating on the piano during the holidays, with no homework or other activities to worry about).

DM should clarify other issues with DSis, instead of worrying about the piano, but the other issues are harder to pin down, it's all about attitude, not hard facts.

Thanks for the advice. I feel better and more detached from the situation, now.

How funny I have a similar piano issue with my dsis. I think it's more about sibling rivalry than the piano in our case.

We are going to stay at DM's house for 2 weeks at Xmas, and my DD told me she would like to practise her pieces,

What's wrong with, "Well you can't darling because Granny doesn't have a piano at her house"?

All this 'who has the piano and who doesn't' is down to your Mum and your Sister.

It shouldn't have anything to do with your DD's 2 week stay.