To ask that they don't give me assignments like this again?

[mrspuddleduckie]

I've had a few months signed off work for anxiety this year - work have tolerated it, but not been very supportive. I've had panic attacks, general anxiety and a host of stressful issues to deal with (not work related, but just in my day to day life)

Without giving too much away, I write articles and features for various publications.

I'm currently writing about a preview of a grizzly horror film. It it making me feel panicky and ill, and the subject matter is just horrible.

I will make myself complete this piece because I know that I've pissed colleagues off by having to drop assignments at the last minute or half way through, with lots of unexpected days off work (all signed off by doctor, but still) - and I feel like if I let them down again I might lose my job

But writing about murder and abuse is making me feel panicky, and nauseous and I don't want to do it again. It's probably not likely to come up again any time soon, so I don't know whether to mention it or not?

....Anyone?

Is this type of article something you will be expected to write often?

I'm not sure that your colleagues would be thrilled to be writing about murder or abuse either, and you may well be in danger of pissing them off if you try to cherry pick assignments. It sounds like you're still suffering from anxiety - are you fit to be working? (I mean that in a caring way, not a "you shouldn't be working!" way).

Don't mention it.
You are in the grip of your anxiety at the moment.
These sort of articles won't come up very often so just leave it for now.
Dealing with panic and anxiety is awful - hope you feel a bit calmer soon.

I write on almost any subject for a range of publications so it could come up next week, or not for another year. I've never experienced panicky feelings from the subject matter of work before, so it's thrown me a bit

Thanks for the advice Buffy

I'm not trying to cherry pick assignment, but I am worried about pissing people off. I'd be very happy to take on the most hated/boring pieces to avoid this kind of thing but I'm just worried I'll sound like a petulant child. Will have to leave it for now I think - I have to work as sick pay is not enough to manage on at the moment

Agree with harticus.. just get it done and don't say anything now. People's understanding might not stretch far enough to back out at the moment.
Can you break up the work so you can do something in between to let go of the tension? Some breathing exercises, go for a run, watch something nice on video, eat chocolate or whatever? It helps me to divide up a stressful task and reward myself when I get intermediate tasks done.
Good luck, it sounds hard going.

Thanks for the advice - have just made a cup of tea and stolen 3 jelly babies from the kid's sweetie jar and I'll allow myself 10 mins on MN before returning to the gore

I used to be able to knock out pieces like these in under 2 hours - I don't know what has happened to my brain in the last 18 months

I think that it is very sensible for you to try to protect your emotional and mental health - not just for you, but for your employers too - surely it is better for them if you are happily producing good work for them, than if you are off work because your anxiety issues have been exacerbated by a particular task?

Within their 'stable' of reviewers/writers, there are going to be people who really enjoy this sort of film and who would love to write the review - it's not as if you would be leaving them with no-one to do it.

I already know I wouldn't be able to handle watching it, so I'm working off press materials. God knows how I'd end up if they made me watch it!

When you get an assignment, is it possible to refuse it? ie are you freelance so could say that you currently have too many assignments and can't manage to do this one?

If you write for various publications, would anyone notice if you were turning down only grisly horror reviews?

My work is assigned through an editorial 'team' even though the work is spread across different titles, if that makes sense. I'm not freelance, I'm salaried - a certain number of hours a week and then editors 'fill my hours' if that makes sense. I've only refused assignments if I can't get somewhere to review something/kids are sick/I'm sick (and then I've done no work, not refused some and accepted others IYSWIM?)

And yes! grisly not grizzly. Honestly, my mind has just melted - the shame of it

Maybe you can say something about future assignments after this one is done?
Don't give yourself a hard time about what you used to be able to do.. that's a trap and I know it very well but it's not doing you any good. You are doing great, just have other things on your mind than spilling out stuff about a crap movie.