sorry about this

[devonshiredumpling]

my fil is dying and i need a book that will broach the subject with a four year old that will not frighten her .any ideas???

I suppose the Mog book might do? Not sure

I am sorry. I suggest "Mog's Bad Thing" which is the story of a cat...Mog...who gets ill and dies. It's beautifully told without being scary and has a lovely ending where the family get a new kitten...and then the illustrations show the spirit of Mog going about with the kitten and showing it how to be a cat.

it's not overly emotional or religious at all...it just suggests that while the person has gone, their memory lives on. I know Mog is a cat...but children will understand that as well and it's less confrontational than a story about an adult dying. here it is

I'm sorry about your FIL x

a few here friends of mine suggested badgers Parting Gift and the waterbugs one when DD's friend died

www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services/children

oh and don't be sorry x AIBU isn't always a nest of vipers and people will be happy to help xxxx

I am going through exactly the same situation with my fil, so have been researching today . The best info I found was here, Marie curie website, which also references lots of books.
www.mariecurie.org.uk/Documents/PATIENTS-CARERS-FAMILIES/Support-for-carers/talking-to-children-when-someone-close-is-very-ill-1004.pdf

www.winstonswish.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100020027&pagetitle=Suggested+Reading+List

Badgers parting gifts
always and forever
waterbugs and dragonflies
goodbye mog (above poster has named the wrong mog book)

we have all of these, and they are very good - you can see reviews on amazon

waterbugs and dragonflies is my favourite

oh, I ought to have said, your choice of book might depend on whether you have a religious faith at all, and believe in any kind of heaven or afterlife - again the reviews can help you see whether the book puts a Christian slant on things, for example. Some do, and talk about one day meeting the person again and death as a doorway to another place/life, some just talk about the fact that you never stop loving the person, or lose your happy memories of shared times.

OP, take a look at Oliver Jeffers, The Heart and the Bottle - sounds like it's exactly what you are looking for

devonshire I am sorry I didn't extend sympathies, dreadful bad manners

I'm sorry you're experiencing this

If its any comfort my DS was amazingly matter of fact about a recent loss. I was factual, but brief and he just accepted it. I hope it goes as well as it can for you

Try Rabbityness by Jo Empson, maybe -- it's a gorgeous book full of spirit, and it's about remembering all the good things about an extinguished life.

I am sorry your family is going through a sad time.

The mog book is actually Goodbye Mog, it's a lovely story about Mog's passing and how even though new people come into our lives, those we have lost will never be forgotten.

I was read Waterbugs and Dragonflies when my grandad died.

I was 11 and my little sister was 8 and we both found it easy to understand. It is very simplistic and well phrased so I would second that suggestion.

So sorry about your FIL.

Sorry to hear your news OP.

I think we as parents worry more about how children will deal with bereavement. We lost my mil, my step father and step brother over an 8 month period when DD was 3/4.

We knew stepfather was really poorly and I prepared her by talking about being really ill so medicine won't work, talked about what happens to a person when they die ie their body stops working but they live on in our memories and briefaly tpuched on the concept of heaven.

The discussion on heaven led onto stars and DD believed that those who die are watching down on us from the stars which I found comforting. And DD found easy to relatw to. A far, far away celestial thing but something to see if you like.

My advice is to be very honest and very matter of fact. Talk about your feelings as well. Dc have no concept of bereavement sometimes and take their emotional queues from us. X

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mountains-Tibet-Mordicai-Gerstein/dp/1782850473

This book is brilliant, children really like it.

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mountains-Tibet-Mordicai-Gerstein/dp/1782850473

I'm so sorry.

You've had some great suggestions and links. I think it is important to be matter of fact and truthful about it. Saying that the dead person has 'gone away', 'you won't be seeing them any more', or (even worse) has 'gone to sleep' are frightening and confusing for children.

Good luck XXX

thanks for all your help wonderful people to you all just an update fil passed away today at five in the afternoon so have had to tell ds and dd that their grandad had gone (reason i did not want the book for ds was that he had gone through this when my dad passed away)

You could try The grand old tree and sorry for yr impending loss

OP, i am sorry to hear this and send sympathies to you and your family.

When my dad died in Sep, I got this book out of the library for my 2 year old:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0237543052

I thought she might be too little to understand, but it helped her to understand what was happening in the funeral and why people were sad. We read it to her a few times and she took it with her to the funeral to help her understand what was going on.

No matter what, by Debbie gliori is a sweet little book, not about dying per se, but has some lovely lines. Thinking of you and your family xx

So sorry XX

I am so sorry for your loss x