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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should dsd8 be able to think of a present to get dh?

31 replies

tory79 · 02/12/2013 08:33

I've been asking her for weeks! And she is being very vague and just can't seem to think of even a general idea.

The only thing she said was about getting him a onesie, I HAD to veto that as he really hates them. I've made 'category' suggestions eg getting him a game they could play together on the wii, but she hasn't really looked at games and hasn't come up with anything else.

I can't take her shopping as I won't see her until she visits at Christmas.

The thing is I don't know any other 8 year old girls, so I don't know if she 'should' be able to make this decision, if that makes sense, or if she's too young and I should just tell her I will choose something for her to give him?

OP posts:
homebythesea · 02/12/2013 08:38

8 is way too young I think you are expecting too much if you think she can independently look for presents for anyone! To put it in context my DCs are teens and did not start buying independently till they were 12/13

What you need to do is go shopping with her and say "oh this would be lovely for Daddy wouldn't it" and so on. In suggesting this I am assuming she doesn't still think that all pressies come from Santa in which case you will need to say "shall we ask Santa to bring X" then go and buy it later yourself. Hope that helps!

17leftfeet · 02/12/2013 08:38

My 8 year old picked out a tea towel with a baked bean pattern on it

So no, they can't pick and certainly not in an abstract 'so what do you want to get type way'
Just buy something then tell her you've got her a present to give her dad

homebythesea · 02/12/2013 08:38

Sorry just seen you can't take her shopping- Argos catalogue??

Original poster
tory79 · 02/12/2013 08:49

Ah ok, thanks! I will just choose something then.

I probably would have done that in the first place but her mum was adamant she wanted to pick something!

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 02/12/2013 08:53

why not get something on 'standby' then suggest something she is able to buy like his favourite sweets, Jam, cheese or toiletry stuff? ask her for her fave photo of him and her together then do a photomug or keyring so she has a part in it but you can be responsible for the ordering.

homebythesea · 02/12/2013 08:54

She probably does want to pick something- but she needs guidance! If she suggested a onesie could you say I don't think Daddy would like that but how about a lovely pair of pyjamas? That way she has had real input but Daddy gets something he would actually like!

Original poster
tory79 · 02/12/2013 09:08

I have tried to give her guidance, it's quite tricky from a distance though! I've even suggested a specific wii game but I don't think she's looked at it to see if she'd like it or not.

home, dh is a naked sleeper so no go at all in that department Smile

OP posts:
Bradsplit · 02/12/2013 09:09

We don't get presents like that. Kids get presents from us. We get presents from each other. My eldest is 15

Bradsplit · 02/12/2013 09:11

We don't get presents like that. Kids get presents from us. We get presents from each other. My eldest is 15

Bradsplit · 02/12/2013 09:11

Sorry.

Whoknowswhocares · 02/12/2013 09:13

I can never think of what to buy my dad and I'm 47!! Grin
I don't think it's an age related issue!

Original poster
tory79 · 02/12/2013 09:14

Haha that is so true whoknows! I always struggle with my dad!

OP posts:
curlew · 02/12/2013 09:16

I have taken my children shopping for presents for each other and their dad since they were tiny. They knew how much they could spend and after that is was up to them. (Subject to basic rules of taste and decency- I vetoed the tie with the "pretty bare lady" on it!)

If one had picked a baked bean towel for their dad, then that's what he would have got from them.

kelda · 02/12/2013 09:17

My girls are 9 and 8 and beyond making some craft with a couple of empty toilet rolls, wouldn't have a clue what to get me or dh for Christmas.

We always have a couple of standby gifts in our house - wine/fancy biscuits etc.

3bunnies · 02/12/2013 09:21

I would give her a choice of maybe 3 things - ones you might get him anyway and see which one she wants to give him. My dd1 is 8 and she does have an input into what she gives dh and her siblings. Sometimes they are her ideas other times she is guided. With practice she will get better at it, but look at the number of adults on here asking what can I get for x or y, it's not always easy choosing something they will like especially if it is important to her that he likes it.

Original poster
tory79 · 02/12/2013 09:21

curlew I agree, I think random presents from children that they have properly chosen themselves are great!

Fortunately next year I WILL be able to take her shopping!

OP posts:
Original poster
tory79 · 02/12/2013 09:24

Great idea 3bunnies, I will think of a couple things for her to choose between.

Thank goodness I asked! As I was beginning to get annoyed about it!!

OP posts:
AngelsWithSilverWings · 02/12/2013 09:29

My DS , also 8 ,would probably suggest a giant toblerone for DH. I wouldn't expect him to come up with much else and to be honest DH would be delighted with that.

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 02/12/2013 10:18

It's nice that you are even doing that tbh op. I have bought something for my ex from the kids but my husbands ex has never got him anything from the kids even before I came on the scene and I used to do it too but I've stopped now and just get him something from my kids and I instead.

CocktailQueen · 02/12/2013 13:11

I'd get him a few things- selection box, toiletries, magazine he likes etc - and ask your dd to choose which she'd like to give him.

My 10 yo has just started wanting to choose which presents to buy dh.

DrunkenDaisy · 02/12/2013 13:52

My 11 year old once came home with a pack of herbal teabags for DH. She genuinely though it was a great gift.

Once unwrapped, DH thanked her profusely.

DeWe · 02/12/2013 14:03

Depends on the child and the personality.
Dd1 most of the time dithers (age 13), but occasionally has a definite (and well thought out) idea.
Dd2 (age 10) will about half the time come up with something which she thinks is wonderful. Sometimes it is, sometimes it gives us a Grin She prefers to go and browse the shops and choose a bargain anyway.
Ds will always know exactly what he's getting, from which shop, go straight there and get it. He's 6yo.

They've all been like this since they first were buying presents.

happygirl87 · 02/12/2013 15:39

I take DSD (also 8) but usually suggest shops and/or items- e.g. let's look in NExt- ooh, would you like to give Daddy socks, or aftershave? Would he like patterend socks or plain? Red or blue? etc.

happygirl87 · 02/12/2013 15:39

Sorry posted to soon- I assume that would work on phone/FaceTime/email as well.

Mumsyblouse · 02/12/2013 15:46

I think it depends how much you truly want them to choose. Personally I love those random kids presents, my husband received a pair of wind-up chattering teeth last year, it was really funny. Proper 'grown-up' presents are a way off yet!