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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can anyone help to settle a arguement between my 2 sisters?

25 replies

bengal38 · 02/12/2013 07:24

My younger sister recently got engaged beginning of the month (she has no kids). Me and my sisters have 2 kids each both boys and girls. During the course of the evening my older sisters daughter (aged 11) started to say that her throat and ears were hurting her and that she had a head-ache plus she wanted to go home. My niece went to a sleep-over the night before and obviously had a late night.

My sister left according to my younger sister too early and when she left everyone else left as well which made the whole evening turn into a disaster.

My younger sister/older sister are not really talking but was it wrong of my older sister to leave at 11pm (we were both there from 3.30pm for the photos) to take her daughter home or should she have stayed on?

OP posts:

VodkaJelly · 02/12/2013 07:27

11pm is quite late really for an 11 year old, which might explain why she wasnt feeling well. And having been there for 8 hours is long enough. 11pm is late for me!

I think your younger sister is being a drama lama and this is just a taste of her being a bridezilla which will be unleashed before the wedding. Run for the hills.

Your younger sister is being unreasonable.

Morgause · 02/12/2013 07:29

Yup. She's being a drama queen. I'd have left at 9pm with kids of that age.

Bearandcub · 02/12/2013 07:29

Erm leaving at 11pm is surely standard chucking out time for everyone, isn't it? It's very late for kids and your younger sister needs to grow up.

JohnnyUtah · 02/12/2013 07:30

Photos? For an engagement? Am I missing something?

NynaevesSister · 02/12/2013 07:30

Not your sister's fault that everyone else left too!

QueenofLouisiana · 02/12/2013 07:31

I think 11pm was late enough. The 11 yo had clearly had it and if she'd stayed longer she would have been uncomfortable and whingy. I can't see that encouraging other people to stay and party!

I agree with vodka, this is a taste of things to come- be warned!

BeckAndCall · 02/12/2013 07:32

I can't wait for your wedding planning threads about your sister!

A child is ill, you take her home. Of course she should have gone home. A bigger question is why she was still there at 11pm in the first place.

BohemianGirl · 02/12/2013 07:38

I'd just keep out of it.

Although I have to say, an 11yo up on a Sunday night at 11pm presumably with school next day? Just why?

jamdonut · 02/12/2013 07:44

11:00pm isn't early! And quite late for an 11 year old!

Everyone else was obviously looking for an excuse to leave...no-one likes to be the first to make a move ,and her going was obviously the catalyst,but she shouldn't blame her. I think she is being very unreasonable.

What time did she think it should have ended? And sounds like a veeeery long day if you were there from 3.30!! Hardly a disaster, people leaving at that time.

I, too, think she's going to be a nightmare come the wedding!

ArgyMargy · 02/12/2013 07:55

Unless perhaps you are Spanish or from some other culture that keeps late hours for kids, 11pm is very late. I would be leaving myself at that time!

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/12/2013 08:02

"we were both there from 3.30pm for the photos"
So this was a looooong day, and not just for the children. Presumably a bit formal too, if photos were being taken. I'd imagine everyone went at 11pm because everyone was ready to go home, even those without children.

"when she left everyone else left as well which made the whole evening turn into a disaster."
Evening? It was 11pm! Night! Most 'evenings' are over by then. And hardly a disaster, since it had been going for 7 hours plus. What on earth was your younger sister expecting/planning ro happen from 11pm onwards?

I do wonder - does your younger sister have form for this type of thing? By which I mean ME-ME-ME-I-am-the-cente-of-the-world?

Original poster

bengal38 · 02/12/2013 08:03

It was a Saturday night. Plus it finished at 2pm.

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 02/12/2013 08:09

Photos for an engagement?
Tantrums because a sick 11 year old taken home at 11pm?

< makes a note of bengal38's user name in anticipation of some corking Bridezilla threads over the coming year >

LookingThroughTheFog · 02/12/2013 08:10

Do you mean it finished at 2AM? As in, two hours after midnight?

There's no way I'd have managed to stay past 11, Saturday or not (my body clock doesn't miraculously reset itself at the weekend, and I have children who will need attention - I can't do that when I'm exhausted). There's also no way I'd have kept my not-well, exhausted 11 year old out past 9.

I honestly think your younger sister is being unreasonable. She's going to need to learn that she cannot control everybody to the last inch. Otherwise her wedding is going to be exhausting, stressful and probably unhappy.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 02/12/2013 08:11

No one would be there past midnight anyway. That's why most places shut around then. She's being daft.

ivykaty44 · 02/12/2013 08:17

The evening starts at 6pm - your dn left at 11pm, so only one hour left of the evening. They can't have turned the whole evening into a disaster as there was only an hour left of it.

On a technicality your younger sister is wrong as 5 hours of the evening or five sixths of the evening had past so it is impossible for her to be correct in her statement of the incident of one family leaving had ruined the entire evening.

Preciousbane · 02/12/2013 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 02/12/2013 08:24

Ohhhhh, you are going to have some cracking bridezilla threads coming up. When's the wedding?

DeWe · 02/12/2013 10:57

I'd have left before 11pm with my 11yo ill or not. I'd probably have left before then if I was on my own too People were probably thankful to have someone leaving so they wouldn't be the first.
With my 11yo, I'd have left at 9pm latest unless during the holidays and something very special. They still won't be in bed for another hour unless you live practically next door.

However I wonder if the 11yo came across as not so much ill, but moany and making excuses to leave.
Not saying she was, but I know that one of my dc it could go along the lines of "I'm bored, can we go home" at first, going very quickly to "I've a headache/tummy ache/going to be sick/eye ache/throat ache/legs dropping off/going to die-we must go home". If it went like that then it could look very much like pandering to the child making up feeling ill to someone already feeling aggrieved and wanting to blame someone.

However: Engagement photos at 3:30... not wanting anyone to leave until what time. AAAAGgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bridezilla alert!!!!!

friday16 · 02/12/2013 11:45

However I wonder if the 11yo came across as not so much ill, but moany and making excuses to leave.

At 11 o'clock at night having been at some preposterous bridezilla event since the early afternoon? Why shouldn't she make excuses to leave? An adult would.

It all sounds absolutely dreadful, OP, and I would arrange to heavily sedated when the actual wedding takes place.

TheBigJessie · 02/12/2013 12:00

Tell your newly engaged sister to be grateful she has family who indulged her wish for an engagement celebration in the first place!

it never occurred to me to host such an event, and if I was ever invited to one, I would decline the invitation immediately. The fact that her sister not only attended, but stayed until 11pm, is something for her to be grateful for, not stick her nose up at.

diddl · 02/12/2013 12:10

People were expected to be there from 3.30pm-2am???

Is the wedding going to have directions & timings??

Justforlaughs · 02/12/2013 12:19

Hand on heart, my 11 year old wouldn't have been there until 11 full stop. Either I would have left earlier or made babysitting arrangements, but it's definitely not unreasonable to leave at 11 clock, kids or no kids - let alone a child who is unhappy/ unwell. Neither have i ever been to a party where everyone has left early because 1 person does, unless they are bored to start with. I think, in your shoes, I'd find an excuse to leave the country until after the wedding (but I really hope you don't , another one looking forward to the Bridezilla threads)

OHforDUCKSchristmascake · 02/12/2013 12:21

If other people left after your older sister did, it was because they were waiting for a cue/excuse to leave. They had probably been wanting to go for hours.

Your younger sister sounds needy.

She is being unreasonable too.

diddl · 02/12/2013 12:22

"Neither have i ever been to a party where everyone has left early because 1 person does, unless they are bored to start with."

Yup-you don't want to be the first to leave, but my goodness when one plucks up the courage, you take the chance & escape leave as well.

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