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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else ever think of lost love?

25 replies

Caff2 · 01/12/2013 23:42

Just a silly thought really. I became pregnant in my first year at uni, and changed university with the father of that child to finish our degrees. We did not continue the pregnancy, and I found that very hard to deal with.

I am now thirty six, a mother of two and very happy. But I still quite often think of him, and that time. Normal?

OP posts:

Valdeeves · 01/12/2013 23:45

Do you still keep in touch? Must have been a hard time for you.

Original poster

Caff2 · 01/12/2013 23:47

No, we have not been in touch since my 21st birthday. I really don't know why he comes into my thoughts.

OP posts:

sillyoldfool · 01/12/2013 23:53

Totally normal (I hope) just because he's not part of your life now doesn't mean the time you spent together wasn't important. It must have really shaped you as a person at a formative time in your life. It would be strange not to think of him.
I have someone similar, we are just about still in touch, though I haven't seen him for three years. I think if him often.

Valdeeves · 01/12/2013 23:55

I think we all have someone don't we?

Original poster

Caff2 · 01/12/2013 23:56

It's weird. I don't think of him often, but when I do, it's a rush of emotions. He is married too, I think, with children.

OP posts:

Original poster

Caff2 · 01/12/2013 23:58

It doesn't help that my oldest son was born on the baby that never was' "birthday".

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/12/2013 00:01

Yes. Time to time.

Would it have worked? Or not?

Who knows?

Would I have got bored if we'd stayed together? Maybe.

It's part of who you are, good or bad.
I know you can't go back, but you can look back.

catgirl1976 · 02/12/2013 00:11

How odd

Not your OP, but the fact I had a boyfriend at university and we had a pregnancy that we didn't continue (his choice more than mine which was very traumatic)

Anyway. Yes I did / do think of him often. We got back in touch on facebook and chatted for several years and our relationship increased in intensity to the point where DH accused me of an EA (perhaps it was) and it all became very difficult (and still is)

So you are far from alone on this one, but be careful where your nostalgia leads you

Do you think you properly dealt with the emotions of the abortion? I didn't and I think it played a big part in the issues I ended up with and my feelings

catgirl1976 · 02/12/2013 00:12

And I also changed university's to be with him and am 36.

Are you me?

Original poster

Caff2 · 02/12/2013 00:25

Crikey! I have to go to bed now, work beckons, but would love to talk about our parallel lives another time!

OP posts:

myroomisatip · 02/12/2013 00:52

I do. I have often.

He was, well, the local equivalent of 'The Fonz'... :) Very popular. Very gorgeous.

Sadly he died in an accident at work.

I will never forget him.

I am mostly sad that he never was a Dad, because, he was such a lovely guy and I think he would have been a great Dad. :(

LessMissAbs · 02/12/2013 01:00

Only with relief. There was a sort of boyfriend at university, who would never commit to that title. Despite evidently finding me attractive, sharing the same sporting interest, similar friendship group, etc.. We even shared a removal van when we moved to a different city at the same time - friends thought he was following me but he moved in with a girl whose father was a Harley Street surgeon. She clearly had more desirable assets than me, however he neglected to tell me this when he came back to my place one night. Sadly for him he failed to bring a condom and ended up rather red faced as a result. I think I came out of that one rather better, as in the few time he's attempted "to be friends" in the intervening years, I simply can't look at him without sniggering.

cupcake78 · 02/12/2013 01:10

Yes but I think its normal. I do wonder what if and I hope he's happy.

MyBaby1day · 02/12/2013 03:38

I often think of many people I've loved from my past yes, and wonder what they are doing now. It's very normal.

Stinkyminkymoo · 02/12/2013 05:33

Yes, I think about him a lot.

grumpyoldbat · 02/12/2013 05:47

Yes, I often wonder what he's doing. Haven't seen him since I was 21.

paxtecum · 02/12/2013 06:19

Catgirl; With your benefit of hindsight would your advice would be don't try to get in touch?

Morgause · 02/12/2013 06:40

I do sometimes and hope he's had a happy life. I ended it because he was too intense and I didn't want a lifetime of that. I still feel guilty, though.

Financeprincess · 02/12/2013 06:53

I do, but only so that I can think, "Ooh, I'm glad I didn't marry him!"

I think it's something lots of people do. I refer you to "To all the girls I've loved before" by Mr Julio Iglesias!

MummyBeerest · 02/12/2013 06:59

I do. I'm happy with my life and Dh but often wonder if things were different (with 2 exes in particular) how would things have turned out?

I've Googled them though and feel pretty confident I made the right choices in the end.

Lagoonablue · 02/12/2013 07:00

First boy. I loved when I was 18. Still think of him. He is a very rich and successful lawyer now too!

We had 'a song' and I smile fondly if I ever hear it on the radio.

FreckleyGirlAbroad · 02/12/2013 07:43

I do too, but also smile when I think that they probably do the same and think about you and wonder where you, what you are doing and if you're happy. I like that idea.

catgirl1976 · 02/12/2013 08:01

paxteum

I don't know

Tbh - I think given you are getting in touch because you still have feelings for them, unless you are both young, free and single getting back in touch is unlikely to lead anywhere good.

I had thought "oh this is great, we can be really good friends" but in reality we couldn't be quite just that and we couldn't be anything more, so where do you go IFSWIM?

That said, I am still glad we are in touch but I am not sure it's healthy

Does that make any sense at all?

NearTheWindmill · 02/12/2013 08:05

I did until I bumped into him 25 years on. Lucky escape.

freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 09:59

I don't anymore, although I do wonder how they are now. Is it because of the baby you didn't have? Wondering what the child would be like now? Have you thought of contacting him now?

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