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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at the school..again!

52 replies

extremepie · 30/11/2013 21:18

Ds2 has ASD and currently only attends school till 1.30 every day because he doesn't cope well with a full school day and partially because the school find him hard to deal with!

The school are hoping to increase his school hours gradually after Christmas to try and get him up to a full day.

Ds2 is in the school Christmas play which is being held at 2pm - I wrongly just assumed that they would agree to let him stay on longer just for that one day so he could take part with everyone else but apparently not, his 1:1 said I could attend the dress rehearsal which is held in the morning the previous day so Ds2 will not actually take part in the 'real' school play.

I also still have to purchase a ticket to watch the dress rehearsal!

AIBU to be pissed off and upset about this? I suspect they don't want Ds taking part in the 'real' play because there is a chance he won't cooperate and might disrupt the play but I just want to be included with everyone else! I know he probably won't care either way but I care. This was going to be his first school play (he wasn't in the last one) and now instead of sitting there with all the other parents watching I will have to sit in the hall on my own if I want to watch him because they won't extend his school day by 1/2hr-1hr for one day!

AIBU? Am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/11/2013 23:07

It'll be down to money.

If your DS needs 1:1 most of the money will come out of the school budget so if his hours are extended they will probably have to fund. Plus if she needs replacing for the other hours she does there will be a cost there too.

They are behaving appallingly. Please get other advice.

Original poster
extremepie · 30/11/2013 23:08

As far as I'm aware he is entitled to full time 1:1, he is never in school without a 1:1 - hence why a few weeks ago I had to keep him off school for the day because his 1:1 and class teacher were both on a course and there was no one else to look after him :(

Will the school not argue that it is in his best interests to have a part time timetable? Then I will look like the unreasonable one for demanding he attend full time! Feel like I can't win :/

OP posts:
hoppingmad · 30/11/2013 23:12

It's not in his best interests to miss half his education nor is it in his best interests to be segregated from his peers (particularly important for an asd child)
Mainstreaming SN children requires the right level of support - makes me mad that it isn't available and parents have to fight so hard to get it Angry

tethersend · 30/11/2013 23:15

You certainly can win.

You do need legal advice, but you have a very good case IMO.

You will not look unreasonable for demanding that the law is upheld- your son is legally entitled to a full time education. Twenty five hours per week.

The school cannot argue that it is in his best interests to have a part time timetable unless they can prove that ALL- and I do mean all- other avenues have been exhausted. Have they followed EP recommendations? Has he accessed alternative provision? Have they increased his level of support? Have they investigated a managed move to another school? I suspect the answer is no. The school have no case.

The fact that you were told to keep him off school due to no availability of staff is both shocking and laughable. Have you contacted IPSEA before? Please do so first thing on Monday.

Boobybeau · 01/12/2013 09:28

I totally get where you are coming from op, my ds is in a sn school but still only doing until 12:30 everyday and this will be the set up until at least sept. Although I do think he may struggle with full hours, I do think it is mainly because he is quite demanding on the staff and they would struggle more then him. As all the Xmas celebrations are in the afternoon, this means that he isn't able to join in with any of them, he may struggle to cope a bit but he totally gets Xmas and loves it so I do think he would enjoy it. It also means that while everyone else get to be excited about their dc first nativity etc... Again, we are reminded that life isn't quite what we expected it would be and we will miss out on another milestone. People who have said yabu are missing the point, why sould we have to fight (again) for our children to get the same exciting experiences as everyone else, it just takes a bit of lateral thinking. Our children have enough challenges to cope with without the people who are suppose to be enabling them putting more barriers in their way to.

tethersend · 01/12/2013 09:53

Booby, your son's school are simply not allowed to do that- they have illegally excluded him.

Have you contacted the LEA?

DameDeepRedBetty · 01/12/2013 09:58

I've read your other threads too.

This school is being very crap, and thoroughly deserve hauling over the coals, but it's a long exhausting job for you.

Any movement on a place at the more appropriate school you mentioned?

RosesOnTheWane · 01/12/2013 10:10

Tethers' advice is excellent. The school are almost certainly acting illegally.

Original poster
extremepie · 01/12/2013 11:23

At this point they have had a panel meeting for the SN school and decided that DS2 will stay at his current school because there are other children that are higher priority so he will stay on waiting list till at least the next panel meeting in feb :(

OP posts:
CailinDana · 01/12/2013 11:47

I'm not at all surprised at this, I saw the same sort of shit being pulled by a few schools (thankfully not a lot) when I used to work with children with sn. Unfortunately usually the only answer is to make a massive nuisance of yourself.it always amazed me that when a parent got angry and vocal funding staff and time would magically appear out of nowhere. They are treating your son terribly and have no excuse for it.

tethersend · 01/12/2013 12:03

Who has has a panel meeting?

I assume that the LEA SEN panel has met to discuss him?

If not, this is what needs to happen, as provision needs to be made for the remainder of his educational entitlement.

You must withdraw your consent for the part time timetable immediately.

BatmanLovesRobins · 01/12/2013 12:17

I am shocked you had to keep your DS off when his teacher and TA were on a course. In that situation, in my school, I would have lost my TA for the day (general support, not for a specific child) in order to cover the child that needed it (which would inconvenience me, but I understand that Child X needed it more). Appalling behaviour on your school's part.

Hope you get it sorted.

Original poster
extremepie · 01/12/2013 13:52

I was very angry batman but the school have a way of making me feel like I don't have a choice :( I just couldn't believe that in the whole school between the numerous TA's & other support staff they had in the school there was no one at all to look after him between 8.45 & 1.30 :/

This is especially upsetting given that I had finally (with the help of SS) managed to get a slot with a specialist childminder for DS2 once a week 12-4 to give me a bit of respite since I am now a single parent & have I support from family & friends.

It was all arranged & ready to go but the school basically cancelled it because they weren't happy with him missing 11/2 hrs of school once a week, during which time he....has lunch. So basically they cancelled the only respite I get which took weeks to set up because they weren't happy about him missing lunch once a week but they can insist on a part time timetable and cause him to miss whole days whenever they feel like it because he is an inconvenience to them! Drives me mad!

I cried when they told me he couldn't go to the childminder, it would have been the only day of the week that I have 2 school runs instead of 3 and would have had 8.45-4 all to myself but no the school had to ruin that too :(

OP posts:
tethersend · 01/12/2013 14:17

Extremepie, this has to stop. Now.

Call IPSEA first thing tomorrow.

Call the LEA- inform the SEN team and the exclusions officer of the current situation.

Feel free to PM me.

tethersend · 01/12/2013 14:23

I you get nowhere with the LEA, contact the Local Government Ombudsman, but do make sure you've followed the LEA complaints procedure first.

tethersend · 01/12/2013 14:24

LGO advice on SEN complaints

Boobybeau · 01/12/2013 21:47

tethersend my ds is only 4 so he can still be part time legally. I do partly agree with the school that he needs reduced hours but I don't think he needs them as reduced as they want. We are in the process of looking for an alternative situation as none of us think he is currently in the right place but these things take time don't they. Mean time I totally get what you mean op about the school runs, by the time if dropped ds off as 9, got home, tidied up breakfast stuff etc, sorted out dc2, done lunch, it's then time to go and get him again. I don't get any restpite

Boobybeau · 01/12/2013 21:50

Sorry posted too soon...
Like your I get very little restpite and ds can be quite demanding but I just want what's best for him. Rock and hard place for me really.

tethersend · 01/12/2013 22:32

Booby, if your son is in reception, he's entitled to a full time education even though he is only four.

You may defer his place until he is of statutory school age, but if you choose not to, he is entitled to 25 hours a week from the beginning of the academic year in which he turns five.

If he cannot cope with full time school (or if the school cannot cope with him Hmm), put the responsibility back on the LEA to provide education other than school for the remaining hours.

SunshineMMum · 01/12/2013 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boobybeau · 02/12/2013 09:22

Tether, what could the lea offer other then school just out of interest? I wouldn't want him going back to nursery as they were less equipt then the school. I do feel that everyone is doing the best they can for my ds, he's just a bit tricky as he needs to be in education but he sometimes has the mental age of about 2yrs so obviously he wouldn't cope with full time. Sorry to commandeer your thread extremepie, I'm in a simular situation

WooWooOwl · 02/12/2013 10:20

This is a really difficult one OP, and I'm sorry you are in this situation.

The school has to strike a balance between meeting your ds's educational needs, and ensuring that other children aren't disrupted in their lessons and when they are doing plays that they have worked hard on.

I think it all comes down to how much they are anticipating that your ds will disrupt the play. If the chances are that his behaviour will make it harder for other small children, then it's probably best all round that he isn't there. As much as its good for him to be involved, it won't do him any favours in the long run if he begins to be resented by his peers. However, if your ds is likely to cope well with being in the play and there is nothing to suggest that his behaviour will make a difference to other children, then the school are acting on their own convenience, and clearly, that woudo be very wrong.

Original poster
extremepie · 23/12/2013 19:05

Just thought I'd give a quick update!

DS2 was in the dress rehersal and behaved spectacularly well, everyone was pleasently surprised at how well he sat patiently at the side of the stage waiting to go up - half an hour, which is brilliant for him, and was so good, I was so proud of him tears

Just thought you might like to know :)

OP posts:
Periwonkle · 23/12/2013 19:40

Lovely to hear extremepie.

strongagain1985 · 23/12/2013 19:54

Sorry you are experiencing these problems. My DD has SN and the school are also acting out of order in regards to excluding her from the nursery party, Christmas dinner, school trip and nativity play. I'm watching this post with interest. Some very useful advice.