Apparently I can have a guilt-free Christmas...

[jonicomelately]

..,If I shape up now. So I am told by a personal trainer who sends my email promotions.
I also received a promotion from a well known skincare brand which sets out my Countdown to a Gorgeous Christmas. It says with 7 days to go I should drink lots of water, 5 days to go smooth my body, 2 days to go use something to get silky skin, 1 day to go have a cheat's facial and 1 hour to go do the finishing touches, for example massage my skin and push back my cuticles.

Am I the only person who'd like to tell these people to fuck off?

no - not alone - adblock is my friend :)

I can have a massive penis ..... checks fanjo still there

no agree with you. it's a fuck off from me too. now need and

Well, don't you want to look your best when you fall out with all your rellies over Christmas?

Wait, what am I suppose to be guilty about this Christmas, specifically?

Not having my cuticles pushed back?

Really?

While you're at it OP, tell them to fuck off from me as well.

I am thoroughly heartily sick of the endless cycle of 'shape up for christmas', 'little black dress diet' etc that coincidentally is at the same time as buy buy buy Baileys, chocolates, pringles and trifles.

Come boxing day it will be champagne and nibbles full of pastry and fried cheese for new years and cadbury's mini eggs at the same time .

And then on 2nd January, it'll be 'Ha Ha, you got fat sucker!', wanna buy some slim fast and WW ready meals?

YANBU

Tell them to fuck the fuck off from me too

I've already started on the Baileys and life is too short to fanny about with my cuticles

Makes me want to stuff my face with chocolate whilst giving them a two-fingered salute.

YABU. You surely know Christmas is for children and men right? They get to relax and have fun. Women on the other hand are supposed to feel stressed inadequate fat and tired. They are required to do everything to ensure the men and children have a great time while looking perfect. The very idea that they wouldn't starve themselves and run themselves ragged,well, be realistic!

Crikey - how will I find time to remove all my body hair too?

So glad it isn't just me who thinks it's all bollocks

I am far to busy slurping wine and mainlining mince pies to be bothered with any of this crap.

As a woman its your job to 'shape up' 'be smooth and silky' and other such wank.

Oh yes don't forget to feel painful guilt whilst you chomp on your pies on the run up to Christmas.

Im going to have to stick pins in my eyes when I finish these chicken nuggets and chips and wine because the guilt will be too much to bare.

I'm having some dark chocolate and wine right now. Fuck 'em.