to feel annoyed about this and also ask for your advice on this?

[oneofthosedays]

DD has been invited to a friend's sleepover soon and there has been talk of watching the last 2 twilight films (all girls going will be 9/10yo incl DD). I said I would speak to friend's mum about it as I wasn't sure I was ok with DD watching part 1 due to the sex and birth scenes and would need to think about it before agreeing.

I spoke to friend's mum today and we got onto the subject of what would be watched on this sleepover. I said about the above films being mentioned and my not being sure about part 1 for the reasons above. Friend's mum said that it's difficult as friend is the youngest in the family and my DD is the eldest and friend is used to watching stuff that we may not have considered as suitable for DD yet because of the older sibling etc. She asked what kind of 12 rated films DD is allowed to watch, so I replied that 12's that we have let her watch have been ones that DH and I have watched first and considered ok and went on to try and give examples, only got as far as mentioning Avengers Assemble before friend's mum replied 'oh so you're ok with lots of violence but not sex then?' So I replied, not necessarily but some of the comic strip stuff I am ok with. Didn't really get to talk much beyond that as someone else came up and the conversation went in a different direction.

She made me feel a bit silly for thinking about what DD watches - sounds stupid written down but almost as if she thinks it's ok for her DD then we should just go along with what she wants and doesn't really want to be questioned.

It's hard when they get to this age - how do you deal with them wanting to watch older films - are you ok with 10yo's watching most 12 rated films or do you consider the content before giving permission to watch?

Maybe this thread would have been better somewhere else, just not sure where though!

I would rather they saw sex scenes than violent scenes but a 12 film really is quite mild,

I think its a very personal decision but TBH if all the children at the sleepover are 9/10 I think she should show an age appropriate film ,irrelevant of what her dd usually watches.

What Floral said. Twilight is for teenagers not tweens.

I might have shown a 12 to my DD when she was younger, but not other people's under 12s.

I would object to Twilight because it sends the message that it's wonderful and romantic for a girl to be stalked and fought over by weird nasty guys who want to change and control her.

I think your implication that she doesn't think about what her daughter watches is unfair - she has already explained her reasoning and demonstrated that she understands why you are more reticent than she might be due to the different make-ups of your families. I can understand her being a bit taken aback that you are happy for your daughter to watch violent films but not ones which portray sex and childbirth (haven't watched any of the films in question so I'm just going on the information in your post). Given that you are apparently questioning her judgement on what she allows her daughter to watch, I don't think it's out of place for her to challenge what she sees as your double standards on the matter.

I agree with Red. I've never seen Twilight, but if it isn't violence, but just sex, I'd let my 9/10 year old watch it.

But I also don't think you're silly for asking.

It is a personal decision, but I agree that for a sleepover, an age-appropriate film should be allowed, regardless of whether she lets her own dd's watch older films.

I know that for lots of people, Jurassic Park is a big no no with lo's - but both of mine (3 and 5) have watched it. I wouldn't put it on when either of dc's friends are here though.

It's very difficult and I don't know what you can really do, if you forbid your DD for going to the sleepover then she may feel really awkward with her friends and it could make her very unhappy. My DS is a little older (12) and I know that at some friends' houses he plays over 18 games (GTA) which I am really, really unhappy about. However I just remind him that those games are meant for over 18s only and he has to understand that different families have different rules and try and avoid certain invitations. Similar thing with under 13s being allowed on FB by some families.

I can remember years ago checking with another parent if it was OK to sure 'Grease' which I think was a PG - children were about 8.

I think as soon as the other mum heard there were concerns about the children watching a 12 certificate she should have immediately changed the plans to watching a PG or U rated film instead. It's one thing to allow your own child to watch 12/15/18s but when other people's children are there I think you have a responsibility to stick to the age ratings.

When I was 10 I had some friends over for my birthday and we watched All Dogs Go To Heaven, which is a U I think. I think kids should be shielded from violence and sex as 'entertainment' for as long as possible personally.

Twilight is utter bilge.

Why can't they watch Despicable Me or something like that?

That's fair enough DoJo I can definately see your point there.

It's just all so subjective isn't it? To me a lot of the comic strip films like iron man and avengers assemble etc are not that violent and it is easy to separate it from reality as it is so unbelievable iyswim. What's acceptable to one person may be offensive to another. I suppose it's possible that I myself have become desensitised to violence more than sexual scenes so have a skewed perspective of what's acceptable maybe?

I find making decisions like this increasingly difficult

I'd ask for Twilight and the Hunger games, and possibly snow white and the huntsman, but not HP.

DD2 is almost 13 and I don't mind 15's for sex and swearing, I don't think we have any for violence. Not my sort of thing.

She's a mad keen QI and Mock the week fan and occasional watcher of Russel Howards good news. I don't like RHGN much, but I know it will be watched on her lap top if I ban it.

Just as her big sister(15) has watched some of GOT on hers. DD1 read game of thrones at school. Sixth form only section doesn't seem to apply to librarians.

Sleep overs are the only time I'm not chilled about laptops and phones for that matter.

Just like watching dodgy videos I am not certain groups of them won't be tempted to google and watch things they wouldn't normally or send ill considered texts or instagram images that, normally, DD2 would remember contravene Mother's Online Safety Talk.

But I suppose you could say that its strange you find the violence in Avengers Assemble, Iron Man etc so seperate from reality but a film about vampires more "realistic"

I wouldn't show Twilight etc to my 9 year old - I've seen them all but the friends mum has a point re the acceptance of casual violence just because it used to be a comic etc. Also some of the female characters in AA & Ironman, Batman etc are so vapid and one dimensional that I always think it's a bit weird that parents would prefer their child watch it to another tween type film.

The other mother does have a point that the youngest in the family tends to "grow up quicker" on tastes.

But I wouldn't show a 12 certificate to even dd1's friends (age 13) without checking with the parents that they were fine, as some children are more easily upset than others.

Good point wigglesrock you've got me there! I suppose this why I am finding these decisions difficult because I haven't really made my mind up about what is acceptable or not for DD I'm just dealing with each thing as it comes up.

I just know, ridiculous as the film was, the sex scenes and birth scene in breaking dawn made me a bit uncomfortable.

I think it's up to the individual parent to choose what their own children watch, but if other children are present then stick to correct age ratings. I wouldn't be impressed at the parent questioning your choices either and I probably wouldn't be happy about DD going to the sleepover. If you are still allowing her to go, maybe have a look at the films yourself first and then have a word with her.

Spoken to DH and I think we will be re-watching the films, making a decision then, depending on what we decide, possibly watching them with DD so she can ask any questions etc and will know what to expect. That's a whole lot of shit to sit through before this sleepover!

Its up to you, I am not bothered about age ratings on films and games its up to me to decide what my children can watch, im not stupid, i know what my kids can cope with and if i think at 12 they can watch an 18 i have seen i will let thm. But i would never have shown a 12 film to my DD's friends when they were 10 without checking, a 12A maybe.

I am always impressed at parents sitting though films before deciding whether or not to allow their child to watch them - I loathe childrens' films (actually I am not very keen on many films ) and think you are great to do that. I would just decide depending on the certificate.

YANBU in my opinion. I let a whole bunch of 13/14 year olds watch halloween at my ds's party but I made sure I'd seen the film again recently, and more importantly checked with all the other parents that it was ok and if any of them had veto'd it the we would have found something else. To be fair I think that some of the 12a's would be an 18 in days gone past. Its so clearly a parent's place to decide what they are happy for their children to watch, all are different.

YANBU.

If other parents are happy for their 10 yr old to watch 12 films then fine.

But imo it is not acceptable to arrange a party for 9/10yr olds and arrange anything other than PG or U. There are 100s of PG films to choose from, they do not need to pick a 12 rated one.

If this were my daughter we would be declining the invitation on either real or made up reason (but explaining to DD the real reason). We have done this in the past.

I would not let my 10 year old watch the last Twilight film especially! There are several scenes where people are getting their heads ripped off!