Not getting Xmas presents and being called "stingey"

[Kandypane]

So me and OH told our families we weren't doing Xmas presents this year, other than for kids in the family, because were skint, and the next two years are going to be very expensive for various reasons so we need to be careful. We told them about 2 months ago. We said not to buy us anything either as it would make a feel bad.

We now gave found out that OH's dad has bought him and expensive present for Xmas when OH repeated that we weren't Doug Xmas presents, his dad said we were being "stingey".

Are we? I feel a bit annoyed about it all to be honest. We told them all ages ago, and now it feels like they think we're lying about our finances or something.

Sorry for typos - phone

I think if people want to get you presents then let them if they enjoy doing it. Doesn't matter that you can't buy them anything as you have made it clear.

If you don't have the money, you don't have the money. Does he want you to get in debt just to give them something? You gave them enough notice and lots of people I know don't do adult gifts.

Yes I think that too. It's the calling us stingey I feel bad about

We aren't doing adult gifts either - and didn't last year. We forgot to tell my Dad though so we still got lots of wine

Mum still gave us presents as she said I was her child so that still counted. The rest of the people said how sensible it was and what a good idea, and in fact one sister is also doing it herself this year.

It is not worth getting into debt for, so just tell him you can't afford it and that's the way it is. If they want to get you something then fine, but you can't return the gesture. They are being unreasonable.

Find something cheap and hideous and give that to him. If he complains tell him "well we told you we were skint".

No you're not, adults should be able to understand that money is too tight to be able to afford presents for other adults.

In my family, we have gift lists with spending amounts, I got sick of having to "make do" all Winter and not being able to consider the Boots that I would love, because I had to buy for others.

Random present buying works if you have all that you want, in terms of nice Winter clothes and make up.

But when you have to shop for cheap alternatives to what you really want, to get handed a load of unneeded (even if "luxury") items on Christmas day, it gets in your nerves.

I have just treated myself to a coat in TKMax, I've told everyone I can afford what I can afford, if my company isn't good enough, I'll see them in the New Year.

We have done this too and asked family not to embarrass us by buying gifts when we can't get them any. They probably think we're stingy but nobody needs anything and we're broke. If we get presents we won't accept them. Christmas isn't about consumerism, it's about spending time with loved ones!

He is really rude. Ignore him.

Having said that is it really bad form to buy someone a gift if they've said they're not doing adult presents? My sister and her DH sent a message round saying that yesterday and a) I have already got her something (I start buying presents around August to spread the cost) and b) I would want to buy her something anyway, nothing extravagant I too am poor, but something nonetheless. I like giving people presents It makes me happy I prefer giving to receiving anyway

Will I look like an area if I give her something now, bloody Xmas politics

An arse - really autocorrect, really!!?!

Doesn't have to cost lots... I have done homemade hampers with chutney, gingerbread etc and put in those cheap fruit boxes painted red. Or a nice photo with personal meaning. Or a voucher giving your time to help them with something like gardening? Or a nice Xmas cake? Loads of ideas. I have a huge family with big age gap so had to be resourceful buying for kids, partners etc when just me on a low income to pay for it all!

I guess it depends on why you're not.

We had friends who consistently said they couldn't afford presents and expected us to bankroll many a weekend- then in the same weekend would treat themselves to designer in glasses and go ski-ing the following one.

Sun

He's incredibly rude and unreasonable. Fuck him basically. You gave them plenty of warning and told them why you weren't buying presents.

It's a terrible idea to try and spend money you don't have on Christmas. Trying to guilt trip people, especially those you are supposed to care about to do it.. Well unreasonable doesn't even cover it IMHO.

you're not the one with the problem. Buying or passing round useless items round at Xmas is not a sign of maturity.

tell him to grow up. return the present.

My family has never done adult gifts (besides spouses). So for me, your fil sounds childish.

We know how our dc (grown up now) are struggling for money so we have told them not to buy us presents this year. We will still give them some cash as usual, but they are to save their money.

If you are saving up so you can take a 6 month sabbatical to travel the world then I can see his point

If you are saving up for something like ivf then he is being unkind

We agreed not to do presents for adults except our parents because they wouldn't get presents otherwise!

Hi all,

Thanks for your advice. It's made me feel better.

Have now found out we are getting presents from other family members despite what we told them. So me and OH have had a chat and are planning to give households some home made food stuff and a bottle of something so we don't feel like complete scrooges on xmas day :)

What also bugs me is when we first told the PIL, OH's dad was like 'what a good idea, I don't know why we spend so much on daft presents' so really don't understand why the turnabout! Argh!

It's deffo not cause we want to treat ourselves retropear. We have two massive family occasions happening in two years where we are having to fork out thousands to take part. We are trying to pay this off without getting into debt. I can't remember the last time I bought myself anything nice! My last pair of sunglasses were a 10 euro blag pair in Turkey!

Thanks again all x