to think that no I don't want to share the money equally

[bassingtonffrench]

my DH's very wealthy relative has being giving away a large collection of rare coins / medals to all her friends and relatives. We have received one as have his two siblings. They are not of sentimental value and were bought as an investment. I think it is a bit of an inheritance tax dodge. Anyway, various people have sold them and some are worth a lot more than others, but this is not at all obvious until they are valued. I think they were given fairly randomly but I'm not sure.

Anyway, I asked MIL if she would like to look into selling ours (she had sold hers some time previously so knew what she was doing) and she said yes. unbeknown to me, DHs siblings also decided to sell at this point.

much time passed. Then SIL called saying ours had been valued at a bit more than the other two, around £3k, did I want to sell? I said yes, defnitely.

The medals have now sold

Ours £4k
Siblings, £3k and £2k.

FIL then suggests it would be 'nice' if the money were shared equally.

I am a bit annoyed because

a)I thought the medals were given in the spirit of a lottery and I actually quite liked the idea of it being a bit of a gamble

b)this idea was never suggested when I agreed to value and sell, and had it been I may well have held onto the medal for a few more years and then sold privately

c) siblings have no dependents whereas we do

to my knowledge, this is not being pushed by the siblings, more the parents, who feel it is the 'right' thing to do.

I feel i have no choice, but AIBU in feeling a bit put out about this?

[bassingtonffrench]

Ok, I will share the money with good grace. The sum is not worth falling out over I agree.

I think the tone of some of the replies have been a little harsh. I think some people are forgetting this was a gift, not an inheritance.

Also, my initial post makes clear I did not intend to refuse to share, because only a crazy person would make trouble with their in-laws in this way, but I was asking if I was justified in feeling put out about this, and I think I am, because the prospect of sharing was not raised until after the sale. and had the shoe been on the other foot, I would have taken the lower sum without question.

And the reason for all the 'I's is because DH doesn't really take responsibility for a lot of stuff . I would LOVE not to be dealing with this and agree it is really his issue with his family. But unfortunately, even for £4k DH is not motivated to lift a finger in household or financial administration. I would really like this to change, especially for situations like this because I am always going to be the outsider.

ref. I am not an only child! but that is an unfair comment about only children anyway!

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Personally I'd split without thinking about it with my db and would be disappointed in dh if he didn't with his brothers.

However, I firmly believe that this would be dh's decision as it is his family.

A question - assuming you have more than one child - what would you want to happen if if was your kids. What if it was a more extreme amount - say £10m and £50. Would you be happy with one of your kids becoming a multimillionaire and the other not due to random picking of coins?

However, I do think your Inlaws have handled this badly. They should have asked you all if you wanted to split before the values were known - then those who wanted to could have split and those who didn't could have kept their own without all this anguish.

For that - and because my Inlaws also never make a decision until far later than is convenient to tell me (I don't mind if they stay for 1 day or 6 days - they are lovely butmI'd really like to know in advance!) you do have my sympathy.

[VerySmallSqueak]

What's it going to be spent on? Any ideas?

Have fun spending it,and good decision bassington.

[AbiRoad]

I would share, but to address the inheritance tax 7 year point that was raised, I woudl do so specifically on the basis that if there is IHT down the line, the liabiity is also shared.

[reelingintheyears]

Yep, hope you all enjoy it.
Lovely time of year to get a bit of a windfall.

[HaPPy8]

I would share. I understand why your FIL is suggesting it too - its his children. If two of these had been given to your children would you have split the money equally?

[superlambanana]

I don't think, if I were in the same situation as the ones with lesser values, it would occur to me to expect them to share... DB and I both inherited shares and sold them at slightly different times. He got £3k more for his. I just lumped it - wasn't his fault!

[bassingtonffrench]

double glazing! talk about tedious.

mumoftwoyoungkids in answer to your question, yes obviously if the difference were that great, it would be a bigger issue and you'd want them to share. But I think the situation I describe is quite differnet. Thanks also for the sympathy re in-laws!

[VerySmallSqueak]

Oh.

B-O-R-I-N-G ,bassington .

[bassingtonffrench]

Yes, the inheritance tax liability thing is a concern, but I will probably look like a loon for even raising that as a possible issue (which it is as said relative is 93)

[ApprenticeViper]

The OP didn't say that her FIL had pooled his windfall with his siblings and then shared it equally until after I'd posted ImAlpharius, but given that he did, it did set a precedent that that's what he might expect the OP and her DH to do. I'm not saying that FIL is right (why interfere in his adult DC's business?), but it could have been an indication of what was to come.

OP I think you've done the right thing to share your and DH's gift, however much it might stick in your craw, and I'd probably have done the same. It's really not worth being painted as the grabby one, life's too short, etc. etc.

[chocolatecrispies]

I think the issue is your FIL effectively telling you to share - so even if you do, you won't feel good about it because you are just complying with what is expected - whereas if you were making the gesture yourself without pressure it would feel completely different. That would annoy me too.

[ModernToss]

I'd still like to know how you'd feel about sharing if your coin had been worth significantly less than the other two.

[2rebecca]

I'd leave it up to your husband but if it were my sibs I'd split it. If I hadn't wanted to split it I would have said no to the valuation and hung on to it for at least 6 months (when the value would be different anyway) and sell it myself. Selling them all together and involving your in laws was always going to lead to this situation.

[pictish]

Apologies if I was harsh OP.
I think you've made the right decision. x

[Seff]

I'd be a bit put out at being told it's nice to share like I'm a toddler. A group of adults is capable of making this decision themselves. It's not up to your FIL to decide what happens to the money.

[CreamyCooler]

Just out of interest is the relative on your MIL's side or FIL's side of the family?

[PrincessFlirtyPants]

OP, you should explain the liability to your DH though. If she dies within the first three years the 100% of the gift is subject to IHT at 40%. Which would mean that you could have to pay £1600 in tax.

If you give away £1000 you would still ave to pay £1600 out if your remaining £3000, as the value of the gift you were given was £4000. So you would only have £1400 left.

Inheritance Tax is charged on gifts at 40% for the first three years. But if the relative dies between three and seven years of making a gift, you can apply what's known as 'Taper Relief' to the amount of Inheritance Tax due to reduce the amount payable. After 7 years is gone entirely.

If you are being fair and sharing the money then in the spirit of fairness you should all all share the liability if you and your DH do have IHT to pay.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Won't the inheritance tax come out of the estate?

(Not a lawyer but do have a recently deceased grandmother who gave one of my cousins £31k just before she died.)

[Floggingmolly]

DH doesn't really take responsibility for a lot of stuff. I would LOVE not to be dealing with this. . He's happy to share; the only reason you are "dealing" with this is because you're trying to overrule him...

[PrincessFlirtyPants]

Mumoftwo all the gifts given within the 7 years prior to death are taken into account when calculating IHT, so this gift would form part of the estate but the tax could be paid from other assets. However, would the other relatives who are receiving the house, cash etc be happy to pay everyone else's IHT from their gifts? I doubt it!

[nauticant]

Oh, so you were always going to share the money with good grace OP? Heh, you really had us all going.

But I am puzzled by your comment that I think I will be bitter about this which makes me sad. Obviously that was you kidding us along too!

[ShinyBauble]

It really might be an idea to raise PrincessFlirtyPants point with FIL, run it past your DH at least.

[ShinyBauble]

Oops, posted too soon. Because if the relative is 93, chances are she will pass away within seven years, and that does pose a tax threat.