to think that no I don't want to share the money equally

[bassingtonffrench]

my DH's very wealthy relative has being giving away a large collection of rare coins / medals to all her friends and relatives. We have received one as have his two siblings. They are not of sentimental value and were bought as an investment. I think it is a bit of an inheritance tax dodge. Anyway, various people have sold them and some are worth a lot more than others, but this is not at all obvious until they are valued. I think they were given fairly randomly but I'm not sure.

Anyway, I asked MIL if she would like to look into selling ours (she had sold hers some time previously so knew what she was doing) and she said yes. unbeknown to me, DHs siblings also decided to sell at this point.

much time passed. Then SIL called saying ours had been valued at a bit more than the other two, around £3k, did I want to sell? I said yes, defnitely.

The medals have now sold

Ours £4k
Siblings, £3k and £2k.

FIL then suggests it would be 'nice' if the money were shared equally.

I am a bit annoyed because

a)I thought the medals were given in the spirit of a lottery and I actually quite liked the idea of it being a bit of a gamble

b)this idea was never suggested when I agreed to value and sell, and had it been I may well have held onto the medal for a few more years and then sold privately

c) siblings have no dependents whereas we do

to my knowledge, this is not being pushed by the siblings, more the parents, who feel it is the 'right' thing to do.

I feel i have no choice, but AIBU in feeling a bit put out about this?

[pictish]

I think you're being graspy.
It's your dh's decision. The coin came from his family, not yours.
Your posts are all I I I.
It's not you you you. It's his his his.
You have no business being so greedy.

[Tenacity]

"to think that no I don't want to share the money equally"

Surely it should be your DH's decision. If it's his family, where does the I come from?

YABVU you sound grasping.

[mercibucket]

we would split a family inheritance fairly even if it was gifted unfairly

I am proud of my family for that

so I would split it equally

I would expect dh to share my values tbh aw it would be a great disappointment to me if he
a interfered
b was grasping

[FastWindow]

You're focusing on how you will feel by giving the money to the siblings and coming up with 'bitter'???

Have you not considered it might give you a warm fuzzy feeling, and lots of goodwill?

[DaddyPigsMistress]

My great aunt left me slightly more money than my sisters. As she was also my godmother. We pooled and shared and dealed in an equal share for our younger sister who wasnt alive when aunt did her will in the 90's.

I hope they would of done the same for me


As fir for future inheritance ... You couldn't sound more grasping and miserly.

[Slipshodsibyl]

...and you are not focusing on how you will come across to your husband and his family and the longer term effects of that on you and your children.

[whois]

I think you're being a bit if a cow to be honest. It wouldn't kill you to agree with good grace.

You'll still get £3k which is what you agreed to sell at anyway so think about it like you never had the extra £1k.

[pictish]

For me, the matter of whther or not the cash should be an equal split betyween the three siblings is neither here nor there...it's all the "I think, I want, I don't want" - all the Iing speaks volumes.
You think the coin is yours. I don't know why you think that...but you do.
It isn't.

I'd advise you to let this one slide. If you don't, none of those involved will ever feel inclined to be generous to you again, because you will have earned a reputation as a grasper. Not nice. Don't be that person.

[SilverOldie]

YABU. Even if it was given to both of you it's still from your DH's side so his choice and he wants to share - you should stop being so greedy and grabby.

[VerySmallSqueak]

Is there something you've got your beady eye on that costs £4k OP?

[TheQuietCricket]

Stand your ground if you must with your husband's early inheritance windfall. (I wouldn't, I'd share but I know one of my siblings wouldn't share unless it worked in their favour. We're as different as chalk and cheese).

Your DH and his siblings stand to inherit from your FIL/MIL yes ?

Your attitude now may well affect the way they write their will.........

If you and DH had been given the medal worth £2k and your FIL had suggested sharing, would you have turned the extra £1,000 down ? I think not....

Out of interest, are you an only child yourself ?

[MerylStrop]

It was addressed as a gift to them both.

But unless money is Really Utterly Desperate at the moment (and its clearly not as the OP mentions holding on to the medal for a bit before selling) the only decent course of action is to share equally. With good grace.

Or,...or , perhaps in the manner of a Disney film the Elderly Benefactor has set this us as a test as a means of determining the allocation of their estate. Whoever shares will get their rewards in time....

[MerylStrop]

[hoppinghare]

You can offer reasons why you should end up with more money than them (from their blood relative and your in law) all you like but the decent thing to do would be to share the money equally. Why be grabbing over £1000 of free money from THEIR family.

[ModernToss]

YABU. Of course you should share equally, and be grateful for the windfall.

[helenthemadex]

I can not imagine doing anything but sharing equally with my db, and will hope my dc would do the same

[TheQuietCricket]

Only child query in reference to whether the OP is likely to encounter inheritance splitting angst again when her own parents will is made known, assuming they have anything to bequeath and aren't leaving it all to charity.

[Breadkneadslove]

The reality is the medals have now all sold and you know their worth. Had you chosen to hold off selling and sold at a future date then it would be reasonable for you and your DH to keep the money. you asked your PIL in help sell the coin, they took this on for you and now they have suggested sharing the combined value and your husband agrees.

I don't think it's worth causing any upset between you and your DH or the wider family over this, it may also cause future issues in relation to any future inheritance. I would be gracious and accept the £3000.

[SirChenjin]

Share the money - unless you don't really care about the wishes of your DH's family. Why would you want to keep money that a) you didn't earn yourself but which came from your husband's family or b) do something that could probably cause a family rift?

[ivykaty44]

As for the only child comment what on earth has that got to do with anything

there are a lot of dud assumption on here

your not in need of money as you took your time to sell the coin

my grandmother died and left me and my three siblings some money, our mother had died when I was younger and so we effectively had her share, my aunt and uncle received their share but my cousin had her mothers share who also died. There is no way my siblings and I would have expected her or even accepted a share of that money, the money was split four ways from my mothers share - we certain didn't want someone else share even if it meant we got less. No way would we have pooled the money and split it with a cousin and an uncle and aunt. The will was written and thats what happened.

[Trills]

the thing that annoys me about the ILs is that they are so disorganised and vague and never really talk properly about stuff, and then I end up looking like the bad guy for saying "err shouldn't we have discussed this first?"...

Don't ever go on holiday with them!

[ImAlpharius]

Given that he shared his larger amount among his own sibling Apprenticeviper I would assume the FIL would have wanted whichever sibling who had the most to share. I think it would be more innappropriate for him to get involved in his nieces and nephews.

[VerySmallSqueak]

Your DH has told you what he thinks OP,so that should be an end to it.

I presume you wouldn't cause aggro behind his back,so I think you need to stop looking at the negatives,see the positives,and be grateful.

You are going to get a lot of money that'll be very useful,so stop bloody moaning.

[Quenelle]

YABU

If you've had such a huge row about it it is obviously very important to your DH that he doesn't risk falling out with his family. It would be incredibly U to cost someone their relationship with their siblings over £1k.

Yes, £4k is a lot of money but as an unexpected windfall so is £3k.

If it's caused such bad feeling how would you enjoy spending the money now anyway?

[pictish]

The thing is, we all know that if the tables were turned, and the OP's dh's coin was one of the ones of lesser value, the OP would be urging her dh to gladly accept the offer of an equal share.

Do unto others and all that shit.
Ffs.