to think that no I don't want to share the money equally

[bassingtonffrench]

my DH's very wealthy relative has being giving away a large collection of rare coins / medals to all her friends and relatives. We have received one as have his two siblings. They are not of sentimental value and were bought as an investment. I think it is a bit of an inheritance tax dodge. Anyway, various people have sold them and some are worth a lot more than others, but this is not at all obvious until they are valued. I think they were given fairly randomly but I'm not sure.

Anyway, I asked MIL if she would like to look into selling ours (she had sold hers some time previously so knew what she was doing) and she said yes. unbeknown to me, DHs siblings also decided to sell at this point.

much time passed. Then SIL called saying ours had been valued at a bit more than the other two, around £3k, did I want to sell? I said yes, defnitely.

The medals have now sold

Ours £4k
Siblings, £3k and £2k.

FIL then suggests it would be 'nice' if the money were shared equally.

I am a bit annoyed because

a)I thought the medals were given in the spirit of a lottery and I actually quite liked the idea of it being a bit of a gamble

b)this idea was never suggested when I agreed to value and sell, and had it been I may well have held onto the medal for a few more years and then sold privately

c) siblings have no dependents whereas we do

to my knowledge, this is not being pushed by the siblings, more the parents, who feel it is the 'right' thing to do.

I feel i have no choice, but AIBU in feeling a bit put out about this?

[VerySmallSqueak]

Whoever it was addressed to: his family,his decision.

[reelingintheyears]

I would share.

£3k in your pocket and no hard feelings anywhere except yours.

[ivykaty44]

PeppiNephrine the ops dh wants to share what they were both given by his relative and her dh wants to make the op share her half as well as his - the gift was addressed to both of them not just him

[expatinscotland]

I would share. You sound a bit grabby, tbh.

[MerylStrop]

The legal thing about inheritance tax might well be a loophole you could use to keep all the money. If you really wanted.

IMnotsoHO absolutely not worth a fall out over, with your DH, your in-laws.

Take your £3k and enjoy it and think nice thoughts about the person who chose to share their own good fortune with you.

[Morgause]

YABU, sorry. DH's family money and if he wants to share that's his choice. I happen to think it's the right thing to do.

I inherited all MiL's jewellery because she didn't like my sis in law. But I shared it because it was the right thing to do.

[ivykaty44]

is it really grabby though to not want to give away £700

to some £700 wouldn't be much money to others though £700 would be a large amount

[diddl]

If you give a grand away, you're still three grand up.

[Crinkle77]

I agree with your husband. It was an unexpected windfall and you are not 'losing' money because you never had it to start off with.

[reelingintheyears]

Why don't you ask the person who gave them to your DH what they think?

[UptheChimney]

TBH,
I think YABU. I can completely see your DH's parents' views about an equal amount going to each of the 3 actual relatives.

I think you sound like a grabby in-law.

And the fact that you have dependents is irrelevant.

[Abra1d]

Actually I don't think it is enough money to justify falling out over. If it were tens of thousands of pounds, yes, but the sake of a thousand pounds of windfall, I'd just let it go.

[CreamyCooler]

How much was your MIL's coin worth? Are they putting their money in for the big divi up?

[conclusionjumper]

This sort of largesse is common among people who think the difference is piffling and who can afford to be generous. It may not be piffling to the OP.

[DontmindifIdo]

I think you will be getting a lot of ill will within your DH's family for the sake of £1k. That's not an earth shattering amount of money for you to give up, it's not even a months bills money for most families, yet for that cost, you will be the 'grabby one' in the family forever more. You will find it harder to ask for help (financially and practically) for the sake of £1k. It might end up costing you far more than that in the long run.

Which sibling got the £2k coin? could you get DH to speak to them directly, cut out the middle sibling as their amount won't be affected, and your DH offer to them the £1k - it shouldn't be your FIL's decision or your FIL doling out the money. If they don't have any money worries, they might say they don't want the extra nd that it's DH's to keep. At which point you can go back to PIL and have been the reasonable ones who offered.

[VerySmallSqueak]

I can't see all the aggro is worth a grand.

So,you'd have to row with your DH till he gives in.Then You'd either have to persuade him to break the news,or you would need to do it.

What'd you say?
'No,sorry,I want to keep what I got'

How do you think that'd go down?

You will be the villain of the piece OP,mark my words.

And your DH if he gives in will always know that the family resentment was caused by you forcing his hand.

I would rather give up ALL of the money than be in that position.

[Slipshodsibyl]

Yabu. It is obvious what the morally correct action is, even if your dh were in agreement. If you insist on making a fuss you will diminish your standing in the eyes of your parents in law and affect family relationships.

Is it worth it for less than 1000?

[BillyBanter]

What would your SIL/FIL have suggested if it had been a different one valued at £4k?

That said at the end of the day it's free money. This relative may not have been able to split them equally with them all having individual values.

£3k each seems like the path to least resentment seeing as you have gone down the route of delegating the job to your MIL and selling all at the same time.

[CreamyCooler]

Was the coin given to you and DH or just your DH?

[Hullygully]

If you sold two coins on your children's behalf and one was worth more, wouldn't you suggest they share up?

Kindness is much much much much more important than greed.

[ExcuseTypos]

Just share it.

If you don't, you may end up £1k richer, but you'll have to spend it knowing you're a big meanie. Not a nice feeling I expect.

[1charlie1]

I would share equally, particularly as you say you believe the medallions were distributed randomly.

I would not worry about FIL wishing to share with random cousin's etc. He clearly wants to protect the relationship between his own children by ensuring no-one in particular is benefited over and above anyone else. I doubt the cousins are figuring in FIL's rationale.

You say you're worried about what this says about any future inheritance discussions. It would do the opposite for me - FIL is clearly in favour of equal distribution. Unless you feel your DH is 'due' for a larger share of his DPs legacy than his siblings for some reason (significant caring responsibilites, having ILs live with you in old age etc), I would be quite comforted by this.

Just a little story - my best friends' DB was left a very significant sum by an ancient great aunt, who clearly had rather Victorian values. It was half her enormous house, many, many hundreds of thousands of pounds. (Her church got the other half.) She completely ignored the existence of my friend and her Dsis, because 'their husbands would take care of them.' (Friend and sister were still undergrads at the time. Friend didn't even have a boyfriend!) Her DB with no fanfare or discussion split his legacy three ways, equal shares between him and his two Dsiss. Lovely bloke.

[BillyBanter]

That's a good point. I'd feel a bit of resentment if I was the sibling with less but I'd also have twinges of guilt at being the sibling with most long after the money was gone and forgotten.

[Hullygully]

1charlie1 - yes, my uncle did the same when his parents left everything to him and not his three sisters. Many years later they all have a close, loving and supportive r'ship that certainly wouldn't have been the case if greed had triumphed. And as time has passed, he's needed help, and they've given it gladly.

Be careful what you sow, you may not like the reapings.

[Slipshodsibyl]

I was a bit confused by the reference to the family's behaviour over inheritance too. The only one who looks as though they are going to cause any trouble or disparity in this regard seems to be you!