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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not but a 'present' as such...

26 replies

CoffeeQueen187 · 29/11/2013 09:43

DS has been invited to twins' 5th birthday party in Sunday. I've RSVP'd and said well be there.

However, I am completely skint this week :( I've even had to raid out silver jar (full of 50p, 20p, 10p etc) just to cover the food and bills.

I can get to the party as it's only walking distance from my house so that's not a problem. But, would IBU to just take a card and bag of sweets each for the twins? I really can't afford a proper present for them, I feel awful :(

OP posts:
KeepingUpWithTheJonses · 29/11/2013 09:46

I would feel awkward taking sweets tbh. I would be more inclined to visit the pound shop, there are plenty of things that look more expensive...colouring sets, cars, packs of animals or soldiers etc.

kinkyfuckery · 29/11/2013 09:48

A card and some sweeties sounds lovely. I'm sure they are not having the party to gain presents, and will be happy your DS has come.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses · 29/11/2013 09:49

But yanbu to not spend £'s on a present.

Do you have anything of your childrens you could recycle? When I sorted out the ds's toy cupboard last week I came across a couple of unopened things from last Xmas (unwrapped obv, but still in the box)! Two helicopter sets...which I've now stored away for the next birthday party they get invited to.

Original poster
CoffeeQueen187 · 29/11/2013 09:49

Sorry I've just noticed all the spelling mistakes in my OP and title Confused

I never even thought of the pound shop to be honest. I'll have to pop in later and see what they have. Thank you

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 29/11/2013 09:49

Of course its not an issue.

I would be mortified if I invited someone to a party and they thought I would have any negative feelings about either a small gift or even not having one.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses · 29/11/2013 09:51

Or you could do the whole 'OMG, I've left the card and present at home! I'm so sorry! I'll bring it in on Monday' (or whenever you'll have money). I've done that before lol.

Indith · 29/11/2013 09:51

If you came to my dd's birthday party I'd think

  1. Oh thank goodness no more plastic shite.
  2. I hope she isn't struggling.
  3. I really hope she doesn't feel guilty about not bringing a present.

There have been times I've resorted to the pound shop for presents. Felt crap about it but needs must.

ICameOnTheJitney · 29/11/2013 09:52

My Dd one birthday received a sparkly pen from a friend...one of those with fluff and a "diamond" at the top...she liked it best of all the gifts. And I'm not just saying that to make you feel better...she really did! She was turning 5 and they're just not judging at that age....in my opinion more people should just give token gifts at these kids parties....a pen, sweets, some stickers....there are too many big gifts from 28 kids and it's silly!

Indith · 29/11/2013 09:57

Not much good now but in future if there are weeks you have a little spare then gather up craft stuff. I often do craft bags as presents. I buy packs of stuff and split them, stampers, glitter glue etc can all be split up so you can make a pretty decent craft bag for £3 plus then you pretty much always have the components for a craft bag in the cupboard and they suit most ages, boys and girls.

Original poster
CoffeeQueen187 · 29/11/2013 10:05

Thank you for not making me feel bad. I feel better knowing I can just take a token gift in and not have to feel awful about it.

Normally I budget my money pretty well and usually have a least a few quid spare to buy a bday present in need be. But this time of year is always a struggle for me. I have 3 DS's, 2 of which have December birthdays, so I'm always scrimping and saving like mad.

This is the first birthday party DS2 has been invited to so didn't really want to make an excuse not to go just because I feel awful for not being able to afford presents.

OP posts:
SparklyNewNameChange · 29/11/2013 10:08

My five year old's favourite present from a friend this year, amongst all of the poundland and other sources of plastic tat, was a small tube of Cadbury's Mini Eggs - "Chocolates all of my own mummy!" He still talks about it now.

NynaevesSister · 29/11/2013 10:18

About half the kids who come to sons birthday party don't bring presents. It really isn't a big issue. He has the party to have fun with his friends. I keep gift bags he gets presents in to re use. And I pick up bargain presents for the present drawer during the year.

For the last 5 year olds bday party we went to, picked up a bubble blowing fun pack for aa couple of quid, and one of those squishy monster things from the pound shop.

NynaevesSister · 29/11/2013 10:20

What he and his friends like the most is getting cards that are home made, where their friend has drawn all their favourite things. Makes them feel special.

Doodledumdums · 29/11/2013 10:25

YANBU at all! A card and some sweets is absolutely fine. To be honest, I think a card on its own is absolutely fine. I really hope that parents don't judge other parents for the amount spent on a gift, or whether or not guests bring one. I am currently planning a party for my sons 1st Birthday, and I just want people to come and have fun, I would actually rather they didn't bring gifts at all as DS will get more than enough for xmas and his Birthday, I wont have anywhere to put it all!

mrsjay · 29/11/2013 10:27

ime like jintys dd 5 year olds love stickers and pens and all that go to the pound shop dont worry about it I know we all do though but it is a big party and they really want your child to go to it the present doesn't matter

Breadkneadslove · 29/11/2013 10:29

I agree with Sock and I wouldn't allow it to stress yourself out or make you feel bad. Could you make something, home made cards are always a nice touch, or you could even make a gift if you have beads make a necklace but not sure if the twins are boys or girls or a pirate hat or something with coloured card or something similar! Make a sword out of wood?

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 29/11/2013 10:31

YANBU

If someone came to my child's party with a card and some sweets I wouldn't think anything of it. And my girls would be delighted with sweets anyway Wink

Don't worry Smile

Norudeshitrequired · 29/11/2013 10:31

I would hate to think that a child dint come to my child's party because he didn't have a present to bring.
I have parties so my child can have fun with their friends. Not so I can accumulate a huge pile of presents.
Please just go and take a card, the party family will be pleased that you came.

Nanny0gg · 29/11/2013 10:51

I think just a card is fine.

My DGC got absolutely overwhelmed with presents - it's just too much.

I do think not taking a card (as some didn't ) was a bit strange though.

apocketfulofposy · 29/11/2013 10:53

go t the pound shop and dont feel guilty about it.

WHen my son started school he got invited to loads of parties and i always used to set a budget of about 10-15 pound including card and wrapping paper for the presents,when it got to his party most people had just gone to the pound shop,a couple bought him some of those tiny lego sets for a few quid but no one spent more than a fiver,it didnt bother me in the slightest!

But since then i have done the same,i thought my old budget was normal,i only spent that much because i thought everyone else did and i can easily afford it,i dont live near a pound shop but when i am in town i do go to poundland and stock up on arts and crafts type stuff and chocolates and wrapping paper,so ive always got something to give and dont end up going to the nearest place (cafe/gift shop)and spending over a tenner on a present.

apocketfulofposy · 29/11/2013 10:54

ot but i would rather have a present than a card!(for me) i dont see the point of cards!

mrsjay · 29/11/2013 10:59

card factory do cards for 29p they are fine dd has had a few birthdays recently we stocked up on 29p cards,

SecondStarToTheRight · 29/11/2013 11:07

Go to the works if you have one near you - cheap books & craft things which will be every kids dream present

DeWe · 29/11/2013 13:37

At dd1's 5th birthday she got given a homemade card and a small packet of sweets from a very apologetic mum. It was her favourite present. Grin

I would much rather someone in your situation did not feel they had to buy anything, in fact I seriously considered saying "no presents" but decided that half would anyway, and the other half would then feel bad.

bababababoom · 30/11/2013 21:00

I honestly would not care if it was my child's party. They get so much, I'd hate for someone in your position to spend their last coppers on a present. Anybody who minds is just an arse.

Frugal presents I've done in the past:

Home made play dough, cupcake cases and some sequins (cupcake kit)

Home made playdough with googly eyes and pipecleaners (alien playdough)

Plastic bottle filled with coloured rice and various small objects (I spy bottle)

sock monkeys

Home made fuzzy felt (cardboard covered in felt, cut out felt pieces)

  • you might be able to make one of these with things you already have in the house??