dont tell tales !

[intitgrand]

how would you define telling tales? If a boy yanks yous coat and tears it , if someone hides your work in their drawer so they can t hand it in, if someone kicks you so hard it bruises ,my 8 year old dd knows you shouldn t tell the teacher about things that doo t concern you , but over the last term has been met with " don t tell tales" whici to me smacks of laziness on the teachers part

It doesn't matter who these things are happening to, the teacher should know about it and do something. telling tales is 'x pulled a face at why' or 'y called x a poo head' not they've ripped a coat or hidden work or kicked hard. Talk to the teacher because if things like this are happening and children are being told not to tell tails when they bring it up then that teacher is not doing their job properly, yes these things will happen from time to time but they shouldn't be dismissed like that.

I once read a children's book which said that the phrase was made up by bullies. Makes sense to me!

I would go in and speak to that teacher OP....it's not on!

I think if it's silly things like "X pulled a face at me" or "X said I was a sandwich" then the child needs to learn to ignore but taking of possesions or hurting verbally or physically should be reported.

I agree that telling children that they are 'telling tales' is lazy.

I work in a school that considers itself to be a 'telling school'. We encourage the children to tell if they have a problem of any kind, and it's more than obvious that we have a lot of children who are repeatedly told to 'tell the teacher' by their parents.

The result is staff having to deal with constant complaints from the Y1 and reception children about complete non events, but the children are still very little and so it gives us the opportunity to teach them how to deal with minor issues themselves, and about what is and isn't worth them running up to tell us every two minutes.

Hiding work, kicking, and tearing a coat are not minor issues though, and should be dealt with by teachers.

I've always hated that phrase. If all of these things are happening to one child then it certainly amounts to bullying.

I work in a school that considers itself to be a 'telling school'. We encourage the children to tell if they have a problem of any kind, and it's more than obvious that we have a lot of children who are repeatedly told to 'tell the teacher' by their parents.

The result is staff having to deal with constant complaints from the Y1 and reception children about complete non events, but the children are still very little and so it gives us the opportunity to teach them how to deal with minor issues themselves, and about what is and isn't worth them running up to tell us every two minutes.

I don't really understand this. One minute you are encouraging children to tell 'if they have a problem of any kind' and the next you are moaning about constant complaints from children, as their parents are encouraging them to do exactly what you say the school wants them to do! Cor, I know people say that schools get a kicking on MN but sometimes parents can't do right for doing wrong either!

Back to the OP though, YANBU, the events you describe are certainly not 'telling tales' and should be reported.

The school's anti-bullying policy and straight to HT.
Teacher is a twerp.

I think there is a line where children telling "tales" means they are not learning to deal with minor incidents themselves which is a life skill they need to know. The reality is kids need to learn the line in the sand for when it is appropriate to tell and when it is not and they need to do this by telling the "tales" and then for adults to deal with the incidents they need to deal with themselves and encourage children to deal with the other incidents. Telling "tales" might not be the appropriate term though. We often see adults here say they hate confrontation and they are unwilling to challenge even the most outrageous behaviour from others. Adults need to learn the social skill of standing their own ground and it is a skill best taught in childhood IMO.

Telling tales for me is when it's something they can sort out themselves, or nothing to do with them and not harming anyone.

So coming and saying "Emma took my favourite pencil" ( from a communial pot well take another-assuming Emma didn't do it deliberately nastily) or "Jan told Ethan he doesn't like him" (look over and Jan and Ethan are playing nicely together) or "Jacob's has only done one sum and you said we have to do ten" (none of your business) are telling tales.

"Emma has taken my pencil, I've asked her but she won't give it back" (which is named and owned by speaker), "Jan won't let Ethan play, and Ethan's crying" or "Jacob's scribbled on my book" are things where adult intervention may be needed.

I think the basic list is:

1. Is someone hurt or going to be hurt? (ie is it dangerous)
2. Is it to do with you?
3. Have you tried to sort it out yourself?
4. Can you sort it out yourself?

If it's not dangerous and not to do with them, then it becomes telling tales.
If it's dangerous then it never is telling tales.
If it's not dangerous, and to do with them, then ideally it is best if they try to sort it out themselves if possible.

Stanley, I'm not complaining about those things just stating that it happens.

Obviously it can get tiring having a constant stream of children telling you that so and so said poo, then so and so stuck their tongue out, then so and so pulled a face, then so and so undid their coat after they had all been told to do them up. But these are small children that are still in the process of learning what they can ignore, what they can deal with themselves, and how to deal with things themselves.

I'm really not criticising parents who tell their children to tell the teacher, it is the job of school staff to look after all the children's needs while they are in school. But I do believe that some parents encourage their children to tell about everything, rather than teaching them how to deal with minor things themselves.

I don't think it becomes telling tales until they are much older, can deal with minor issues themselves, and they are telling just to get attention or to try and get someone else to be told off.