Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

... to not want auntie-in-law to house sit over Xmas?

20 replies

Auntierosemary · 28/11/2013 21:40

Hubby announced last night he had invited his auntie to stay at ours while we are away over Xmas, without asking me. She lives abroad but comes home every year and usually stays with his parents. We are going to stay with my folks for a week.
The auntie in question is ok but I'm not her biggest fan - don't totally trust her not to rummage ... Plus can't really be arsed having to leave the house clean. Would probably have agreed to letting her stay if asked but kind of resentful at not being consulted. AIBU?

OP posts:

YouStayClassySanDiego · 28/11/2013 21:46

You're right to be miffed at not being asked if this was ok.

Other than that, I'd let her stay and secure any important documents away from her snooping.

pigsDOfly · 28/11/2013 22:07

If you're not happy tell him it's not on. My now exh, then boyfriend, let his sister stay at my flat, to which he had a key, without my knowledge for several weeks while I was living abroad for a year; I didn't find out until after she'd left.

Don't know what I was thinking marrying him really.

It's your home as well as his. Why is he going over your head and making a decision like that without discussing it with you first?

Mim78 · 28/11/2013 22:24

Don't clean the house. That is the first thing.

I would definitely tell dh that you are annoyed he didn't ask you.

if you don't think you can retract the invitation now then, yes, secure anything important away from her snooping. Try not to worry about the cleaning! Make sure this is not on the footing that she is doing you a favour (unless she offers to clean while she's there!).

HandMini · 28/11/2013 22:28

As to her actually staying.....Is it that much of a big deal? I dont really see that it impacts you greatly. You don't need to leave the place spotless for her and as others have said, pack away any important / secret documents. She might even leave a nice thank you present.

As to your DH agreeing without asking you, that's annoying, but its his family and he obviously wanted to be hospitable. I'd forgive that.

Lariflete · 28/11/2013 22:29

I'd be annoyed as well.
If you don't mind too much, secure anything you would mind her looking at. Quick clean (not too much!) and go on holiday!

reelingintheyears · 28/11/2013 22:34

Bit late now if he's already asked her.
Make him change the sheets and clean first and hide anything you don't want her to see.

Leave the bedroom toys on show though.

starfishmummy · 28/11/2013 22:39

I would be annoyed too.
If I couldn't put her off then it would be up to my Dh to do the cleaning and shopping for her.
I would be busy making sure valuables and personal documents were stored securely

paperlantern · 28/11/2013 22:46

I would struggle having anyone in my house when I wasn't there.

if a partner did it without asking me they would be undoing it very quickly

reelingintheyears · 28/11/2013 23:08

The valuables wouldn't bother me but anything personal might, i'd put anything like that up the attic in a far corner!

holidaysarenice · 29/11/2013 01:20

Do your bedroom doors lock? Ours do with keys. Look yours remove key. Tell her she's in the spare room. She shouldn't be trying to go into ur room.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 29/11/2013 01:22

DH can clean, not you.

WooWooOwl · 29/11/2013 09:21

Yanbu.

In your position I'd be making DH fit a lock to our bedroom door so that you can at least lock private stuff away in one room, and I'd make a list of all the cleaning that it is his responsibility to do.

If he doesn't want to do those things, he can have the option of retracting the offer to his aunt.

perfectstorm · 29/11/2013 09:23

Agree on locking the bedroom and putting personal things in there, and making him do the cleaning. It's both your home - he shouldn't be offering it to anyone without discussion and agreement.

expatinscotland · 29/11/2013 09:26

Then he cleans.

OneUp · 29/11/2013 09:41

I'd be really cross if my fiance did that to me. I agree you should lock up everything in your bedroom if possible. Make your husband put a lock on your bedroom door after you've explained exactly how annoyed you are. I wouldn't clean the house either, I'd explain to him that he invited her so he does all the work.

misskatamari · 29/11/2013 09:58

To be honest I wouldn't mind having someone to stay if we weren't there - but it depends on the person I guess. If you know she'll be a snooper then you are right to be very pissed off.

Definitely don't bother with a big clean. Clean sheets, tidy kitchen and bathroom and a quick Hoover round would be fine - and get DH to do it!

Bookworm13 · 29/11/2013 13:15

I agree with many of the other comments.

Make sure anything personal is locked away; give the place a quick tidy and speak to your DH, saying you'd appreciate it in future, if matters like this were discussed between you first, rather than him making the decision and then you are informed later on down the line.

zipzap · 29/11/2013 13:23

I'd be furious if dh did this without asking me.

It's a bit late now but when he said about it I'd have been tempted (assuming I'd had the presence of mind, which I wouldn't have) to say Oh, that's awkward. I meant to tell you that I said that [insert name of a friend/relative of yours] to stay while we were away already. Oh never mind, your aunt will understand not being able to come as the place is already promised... and then see what his reaction was. I'm sure he wouldn't think that you were very reasonable in organising something without asking him beforehand.

It is very reasonable of you to let him know that you really, really don't want her (or anyone for that matter) staying in your house while you are away. And that if you are being forced into this happening against your will then there are definitely conditions attached - like your bedroom being locked and a secret hair left in place to check the lock isn't picked, him being responsible for tidying, etc etc.

Maybe you should say that as aunt in law is staying, a friend of yours is also in need of somewhere to stay so you thought she could stay too, your aunt wouldn't mind sharing would she...

Would definitely say that if she has to come despite your not wanting her to, then he is responsible for all the tidying up and cleaning up before and afterwards. And if you get to speak to his aunt (or any of his family and her visit gets mentioned) then make sure they know that you are looking forward to seeing how clean and tidy dh thinks the place should be left for guests.

Original poster

Auntierosemary · 29/11/2013 14:27

Wow. Good to know I'm not alone in finding this a bit rude! Nothing has been mentioned since the original bombshell so I'm hoping she won't take him up on his offer. Zip zap, I love your idea of saying I had also invited someone. Haven't done it yet but may still, depending on how annoying husband is between now and Xmas... Thanks everyone for your moral support and general outrage!

OP posts:

Original poster

Auntierosemary · 29/11/2013 22:51

Gawd... She has taken up the offer. Can't really retract it now. Have made it v clear how p off I am. Will def be locking away private stuff and leaving cleaning to husband. But otherwise gonna have to just swallow this one, I think. Wish I was more charitable. Anyone else have innate distrust of in-laws?!

OP posts:

Flip