To want to decide dds bedtime routine?

[Edenviolet]

Dh is driving me mad. For months I've been trying to tell him we need to get dd2 into a good bedtime routine.

I would like her to have bath, story, milk and snack if needed, brush teeth and for us to tuck her up and let her get herself to sleep.

Dh strongly disagrees. He said dd is still a baby. He lets her watch cartoons on his phone and cuddles her in bed till they both fall asleep. Iam usually busy with the baby who bf a lot in the evening so its hard for me to do all the dcs bedtimes. Dd2 does have some serious health problems and requires a lot of care but if well managed and all medication etc given there's no reason why she can't get herself to sleep.

Dh is very close to dd and I know its hard for him but she really does play him. If I put her to bed she screams for daddy and he can't just let me get on with it so comes up and takes over and she gets her own way.

I really want her to have a good bedtime routine. She is 4

I also don't think bedtime is the real problem here, if my dd was telling me to phone daddy and he would tell me off, I'd phone daddy knowing full well he'd back me up.

Children do sometimes try to play parents off against each other, one of mine asks me for something, if I say no, asks Daddy. But you have to be wise to these tricks and work as a team.

You also have to agree that princess behaviour is out the window. One of ours went through a bit of this lately due to insecurities and we really worked together not to indulge it.

You need to have a chat to your husband about him undermining you and taking his dd's side, fgs, it's really unhealthy for your marriage and for your dd who already, sorry, sounds a little spoilt (but nothing that a bit of coherent firm parenting couldn't fix)

I can only echo what the others have said - your DH is undermining you and rearing a spoiled child whilst you are trying to do it right. It has to stop. Screen time immediately before bad disrupts the production of melatonin and will stop her from falling asleep properly.

At 4 your DD is not a baby, and when she starts school a 10.30 bedtime will be an outright disaster.

Others are 12,6 and just 1.

He does worry terribly about her. He does her night time checks and likes to be very involved in all her care. Phones when he is at work to check how she is, he even changed his hours to enable him to do more for her.

He is doing some serious damage to your relationship as well. His relationships with you & DD2 are skewed. It's a wonder the older ones aren't very bitter about Princess DD2... there's a limit to how much 'special treatment' a child who is not actively ill can get before the others revolt and rightly so.

I am surprised the 6 year old doesn't actually hate DD2 if they're getting the 'story & lights out' routine and DD2 is getting snuggles with Daddy & cartoons every night :( He is also doing some serious sibling damage that will get harder and harder to undo the longer it goes on :(

He sounds lovely with DD2 - but he needs to made to see the damage he is doing to everyone else & her :(

At present I think the others are ok but I do worry they will resent her at some point. I try hard to set aside time for each of them so they don't feel left out but goodness, it is hard and I feel very stretched.

Ds (6) is amazingly good at bedtime, he's usually exhausted so has always been very accepting of story then sleep luckily.

Op agree with other posts....think it needs sorting as you said in earlier post....'she enjoys routine' this is not helping her, you or the rest of your family....good luck

Of course siblings notice if one child is getting all the cuddles, daddy falling asleep in their bed. My seven year old is very aware and conscious if her big sister gets more of her of cake, cuddles, reading time, cycling with daddy, anything like that. Being a tad jealous is a normal thing for a little child- I feel very sorry for the 6 year old who is only two years older but doesn't get any of this.

I also feel sorry for you as your husband is sleeping in with your dd rather than spending the evening with you.

I think a frank chat is in order, he will be upset and defensive but hopefully somewhere in there he will hear the ring of truth in what you are saying.

At what age did you start having a routine with the older kids?

Dd1 was 3 and ds1 2.5 when I started their routines.

Was just about to start with dd2 when she was 2.5 and she was continuously ill for weeks then hospitalised and it just never happened.