I am sorry you went through this.
My ex didn't rape me but he used to carry on having sex when I said no and would pressure me into doing things and took photos of me whilst I was drunk, even though I was under 18 (so despicable, really). I tried to get him sorted but police never got back to me, so now I know things will never be sorted out specifically by the police as had other things happen to me, but now I accepted it wasn't my fault and he was a complete twat and others who have hurt me too. Forgiving yourself as you feel it's your fault is a very important thing, which helps you 'move on'.
I know it isn't the same thing but I have seen him 2 times since we broke up and it all became so clear (he did others things but not related to me too). I have had panic attacks when I've seen him. It sounds stupid as I'm not scared of him just angry and disgusted by him and yet pity him, but he just turns my guts somehow.
I hope you can:
--Forgive yourself: It wasn't your fault, although you may feel like it is because you didn't fight enough, you didn't make yourself clear, you weren't strong enough but it's not your fault because no half decent human being would put anyone in that situation.
--Realise you are safe: You aren't going to be hurt and you have people who love and care for you who can protect you and support you.
--Look to the future: Things will be better and things can change.
Here to talk if you want to. I have had rape crisis training which I found very interesting and helps you look at it from a whole different perspective.
Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
Healing is a process and it takes time. It's even less about healing but about pulling layers back and then putting different ones there in their place.