In-Laws and The Festive Season

[Bookworm13]

I Love Christmas but sometimes, I think it turns some people into objectionable cretins!

We usually see my in-laws at either Christmas or New Year (basically they expect it) and this has been going on for years, with my family expected to take a back seat. They are also very demanding for visits during the year.

Anyway, I decided I had had enough and this year, we have made alternative plans for New Year (my in-laws are going to relatives for Xmas, which we were informed about a few months ago.)

I got the distinct impression they were going to order us to stay with them for New Year or failing that, they were going to invite themselves to us - but I politely told them we have other arrangements.

Well, since then, they have been incredibly rude to me, not my Husband. Obviously, I'm getting the blame! They are virtually ignoring me!

I had them to stay just recently and they were here for several nights! I wouldn't mind but they never lift a finger to help; they don't interact with their own grandchildren and they treated my house like a hotel!

When they left the last time, just several weeks ago, I was mentally and physically exhausted and it took me a few days to recover!

My friends have said just to pretend I haven't noticed how bloody rude and childish they are being and that I need a break from them!

I hope I don't sound unreasonable but I just feel enough is enough. Whenever they have come to stay at previous New Years, they stay for days and leave just as our children are going back to school and my DH returns to work - so we are all knackered getting back into our routine.

Ooohhh...I think you are going to have a wonderful christmas/New Year sans inlaws.

ENJOY!

Sounds like a good result to me. You don't care how rude they are, it isn't like they're your parents and

You can legitemately ignore them. Leave DH to deal with them. Win win. Enjoy new year!

Well your DH needs to adress this. A two night stay is more than enough anyway!

Sounds like you got what you were wishing for. Unfortunately, when our wishes come true, it's not always in the way we envisaged. Enjoy the peace and quiet without them.

Where is your husband in all of this? Did you tell them you would be doing something else? Was he there when they were being rude to you? Does he help to carry the extra load when they come to stay? Has he ever asked them to pitch in, and to pay a bit of attention to their grandchildren?

AngelaDaviesHair

Yes, he gets really annoyed at them and has said things, but it just seems to slide off their backs!

It's the way they just assumed they would see us/be coming to visit and then threw a wobbler when they realised they weren't getting their own way, which amused me!

Keep letting it amuse you, laugh at their behaviour, and try not to take it personally. Treat them like you would children, if they throw a tantrum, ignore them.

If they manage to grow up enough to realise that this won't work you could eventually have a decent relationship with them.

When they come to visit, you need to do some preparation to make your life easier.

Don't let them dictate to you, and treat your place like a hotel.

Get some easy meal components. Some things that they can put together as well - and then tell them to 'help themselves' to anything on that shelf and leave them to it. If they don't want to cook, direct them to the nearest take away/restaurant.

Don't make them cups of tea etc, make sure things like that are on the counter, easy reach etc and leave them to it. Don't wash up after them, fill the dishwasher up after breakfast, run it. Once emptied they can put their own cups into the dishwasher - tell them that's where the cups go after their cuppa.

When getting back into the school routine, just do it, and don't do anything differently because of them. If they won't slot into it then they can take care of themselves. You eat when it suits YOUR family, not them, bathtimes and bedtimes and homework routines are done to suit YOU, not them. If they are in the way, treat them like they are in the way. Remove their things from the table if that is where homework is being done. Tell them they will need to remove themselves from where homework is being done if they are distracting the children etc, etc.

Given that you can't win, there is no point in trying to please them.

Yes, limit their stays to a couple of nights, and definitely when DH is there to support you and remind the PIL that you are not running a B&B, also that unless they interact more with the DGC there isn't much point in staying longer. Insist that you must have the last day or two before school goes back free of guests so that you can get the DC organised/rested. If you start being more assertive with them they may well decide that visits are hard work and come less often. You are perfectly entitled to refuse visits if they clash with other things or you are too busy, doesn't matter how demanding they are.

You will never want New Year with the PIL again after this coming one. Or Christmas either.

Their behavior in your house was unacceptable, but surely it's not that outrageous that they'd expect to see you over Christmas?

So you get to have an IL-free Christmas and New Year, AND they are ignoring you? I'm soooooo jealous!!!!