'No is complete sentence' but...

[BoyFromTheBigBadCity]

I have recently started doing some paid childcare for a family friend - the deal was 2 evenings a week, I pick the girls up from school, watch them until whichever parents they were staying with that evening got back from work, feed them if necessary, supervise music practise and homework etc, until around 7:00.

I have yet to actually do as arranged - something always seems to come up that needs me to do an extra evening. So yesterday (Wed), I was asked to stay until 8:30/9:00 this evening (Thurs). Now it so happens that this evening I had plans, but nothing concrete. However, I have to stay as otherwise the girls would be left alone. I was also asked yesterday to do two extra evenings due to one of the girls not liking the choice of afterschool club on offer. I said no - I can't, I have plans and require more notice.

I know that no is a complete sentence, and have used it. However, AIBU to think I should be given more notice if I'm expected to double the amount of work I do? Or that I may not be able to just drop everything on days which are not the ones we agreed on when I started, as that way I could have planned around the extra work? For example, I was asked weeks ago to do every evening this week and was able to due to having notice for my plans. I feel horribly guilty

Do not feel guilty, they're taking the piss asking for extras/extending evenings at the last minute on a regular basis which is what it sounds like.

You need to speak to them and point out that while you're happy to do extras occasionally (if you are) you do need some notice. Equally if you don't want to do any more than what you've agreed to then you're not being unreasonable to not agree to any extras.

How old are the children, OP?

They are taking the piss. I hope they are paying you for this extra time?

8 and 10, hooby.

I've been in this situation with someone I worked for from home. It caused huge resentment. Gradually, I found myself contracting my own arrangements - I ended up just spending every day unable to do anything because of some last minute request to spend a portion of my day doing something for the employer.
I intend to take a much stronger line about schedules and notice for unscheduled time in future on the grounds that a professional relationship is more likely to happen if I behave as if my time is professionally valuable.
All of this is more complicated if you are relying on the money, of course. It's easy to be bold and assertive if you don't need the money.

You need to sit down with them and say 'this isn't working for me. These are the hours I have agreed to do, I have other commitments to fit round them. Any extension has to be agreed in advance, at least a week in advance. Otherwise I won't be able to continue.'

You need to be assertive now and nip this in the bud or it won't get any better and you'll get more resentful.

Oh I so feel your pain as this was me a couple of years ago.

It got where I was going to their house to babysit and got a text saying it would be better if I picked the child up and have her overnight at mine instead.

I babysat once a week which got to 2 or 3 times then they would ask e to take her to nursery for them for 8am as they didn't feel well.
Out of hand, taking the absolute piss.

I work full time & have my own child!!! Started a favour to them.

Why are people like this?

Oh OP they are taking the piddly piss.

You need to nip this in the bud and take control.

Are the not together? If not, sitting down with them both could be a problem so maybe an email to both would be better. Something like

Hi,

After working together for xxxx I think its obvious we didn't realise the amount of time you'd actually need for childcare! I think we need to have a rethink so that things run smoother for us all.

On a regular week to week basis I am happy to work xxxx.

Now and then I am willing to xxxx with xxxx notice.

As I have other commitments I can't commit to anything else or carry on having plans changed at the last minute.

Have a think if this will be suitable and let me know!

Boyfromthebigbadcity

I am nipping in the bud a bit (I hope!) by not cancelling my plans next week and just doing it for them. I guess it was just being asked as I was walking out the door to stay much later this evening (which there really is no choice over) and do two extra evenings next week sent me over the edge. This is actually the first time ever I've said no to something like this (I am trying to stop being a doormat) and I'm trying to be assertive without being a dick...

oh, and to an earlier question - yes, I get paid for all my time.

You definitely need to say to the clearly, and as a rule, that you need more notice of additional hours. you can be very nice about, but say that you can't be asked at the last minute.

Obviously you have done the right thing by just saying "no" on this occasion, but I think you should let them know that it's not OK just to ask you at the last minute and see if you say yes or no.

If you were a nursery, you would need notice and also you would charge them if they then cancelled the extra time after you had made sure you were free.

I was hoping that the age of the children would require you to register as a childminder if you had them for more than 2 hours a day, so you could use that as a reason for not wanting to take on more hours but at 8 plus that law doesn't apply AFAIK.

In which case I'll have to revert to Plan B, which is to just tell them no, that you are happy (if you are) to continue with the original arrangement but that any more than that cuts too much into your family time and leaves you with no time with your children/partner/to walk the dog/do the housework/drink gin (delete as appropriate). :D
They really are taking the piss!