To think that airing *someone* elses dirty laundry publicly is just not on?

[slendermen2222]

My friend is splitting up with her DH. It's all very acrimonious, lots of lawyers and accusations and counter accusations. She's taken to going onto sites like this, and also garnering support locally, and publicly airing all of her STBXH's supposed faults.

The problem with this is a) it's ugly b) theres alot of falsehoods and rumours and hearsay, most of which is false c) she's not considering her children, her STBXH or in fact anyone else in her mission to destroy.

I'm getting sick of it. I don't want to be dragged into it. I think she is really behaving atrociously badly, so far today shes falseley accused him of neglect, accused him of being greedy and abusive. I think she can't step outside and see herself being incredibly cruel as well.

Any advice?

Should I just walk away from this?

Step away from it. It isn't your business.

Thanks gossipy best advice I've had all day

I think the worst thing is that anything I do say is then immediately quoted to STBXH as further "proof" of whatever. I've had 3 hours sleep! I don't really want anything quoted back to me in this state

Why are you being quoted to STBXH as proof? What is your role in this?

She asks for support, whilst telling half truths then anything you say is immediately fed back to her ex as proof that everyone agrees with her. Hard to know how to get away without causing any more trouble....

Agree, just completely disengage. Beastly situation all round and whatever you do or say will be wrong

Disengage.

You really need to back off. You say that she has falsely accused her husband of neglect etc. You haven't been asked to make a statement to the police / social services about this have you? If you haven't, you may be asked to in the future, by either her or her husband. You need to be prepared for her to expect you to back up her side of the story ie. lie for her.

She sounds like a vindictive cow and I think backing off slowly is the way to go. Can you say that you have a project coming up in work or that you're helping out a family member as a way to be less available to her? For you own sake you need to start protecting yourself.

Oh, I see. Completely back away, step away from the drama!

You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I'm sure whatever she is saying is not complete fabrication, but her take on events.

Abuse is a difficult thing to pin down, as we find out on here regularly when someone has been putting up with certain behaviours for years, not realising how unacceptable it is.

Refrain from commenting, block and ignore if it bothers you, but don't make judgments about a relationship unless you're one of the two people in it.

But I do agree that airing dirty laundry on FB is out of order.

On here it's different, it's anonymous for one, and it's a place for support and advice, not for fun and sharing as FB should be.

best thing you can do is to very clearly tell her that you refuse to discuss anything about it, because of what you say she is doing.

Say nothing.

Back away quickly, it's easy to start supporting than you suddenly find your loosing sleep and sucked in.
It will blow up epically in her face and you don't want to be caught in the fall out

How about telling her that while I am there for her as a friend, I can't get involved in taking sides or discussing the details as its very uncomfortable for me?

I have a feeling she isn't going to take it well.....

I have a friend a bit like this. Face to face, I tend to just do 'hhmmmm' while she rants/gets it out of her system and then say v directly 'what do you think would be best for your DC?'. On facebook I just ignore the drama.

Well what I would do is try and take a step back and also if you do have to listen to her ranting, just give non committal answers so hopefully she can realise that you wont take sides.

Ie if she says STBXH has done this that or the other you respond with something like " Well you both need to sort this out", "I don't know what to advise" or as Pogo has suggested respond with a "Hmmm" and say nothing.
That way she cant use you as her backup.