to of felt embarrassed & sad?

[MrsPeeWee]

I will try to keep this short if possible
I am probably overreacting because of my depression/anxiety, but my tummy is still in knots.

Earlier today, after DS finished school, I took him to his swimming lesson.

Once I got there and DS was in the pool, I walked round to the waiting area where we all watch our DC swim. Whilst in there, two children around 8? started shouting things like -
"look at that fat lady, oh my god shes such a fat lady." infront of absolutely everyone in the room. (about 30 people) I was in complete shock. I gained a few stone over the past couple of years, but I am not huge. I felt completely humiliated. I know children say silly things, especially in front of their friends, but I think my main issue (after thinking it over) was the fact that the childrens mother didn't say a single thing. She never asked them to stop.

I feel absolutely ridiculous even posting this, because I allowed something an 8 year old child said to me, get to me. I just can't shake how awful I now feel. I just want to bury my head. I know for certain my DS would never shout out at someone like these other children did, which is why I also felt shocked.

Please tell me I am being silly.

I think the world would be a very boring if we was all the same size and shape. Do not let any one knock your confidence.

the mother was out of order for not telling the children to stop and popinting out its was rude.

Do not be ashamed of your body, it's your body and one which your husband loves.

The children are vile little brats and their mother is a waste of space. Just think of it this way, she will have the repercussions of the way she has raised them to enjoy when they become teenagers.

I can guarantee you no one in the room was thinking about you and how much you weigh when they were pointing and commenting. They were thinking about what little shits the kids where, what a terrible parent their mother is and how glad they are their own child wouldn't dare behave like that.

If this is a family you a likely to run in to again I suggest you have a few retorts preplanned. Like maybe suggesting that is she can't be bothered to parent her brats that she keep them at home so other people don't have to deal with their appalling behaviour.

You are not silly. Things like that hurt. But you know the issue is not you, it is the children and the parenting

I don't like the fact that my young DS2 has an awful habit of saying things as he sees them ( he is not a vile brat) and that can be offensive to people so it is my role as a parent to deal with it there and then with a a follow-up talk at home. He is improving, just too slowly for my liking.

I don't think your reaction is anything other than natural. What rude children and what an incredibly rude woman. I hope you never encounter them again. If I'd been there I don't think I could have resisted answering back. (I'm sure you are lovely but their behaviour is disgusting!)

Utterly horrible behaviour and the mother is worse for not intervening.

I would feel like dying of shame if that were my child speaking to a stranger like that, I would definitely be making them apologise for starters.

Horrid. I'm amazed that the person with these kids didn't pull them up on their revolting behaviour. Am not surprised your upset - is far harder to deal with insults from people you can't morally defend yourself against (eg kids) than from adults.

Wow, what a horrible experience! You have every right to feel upset. I am astonished that their mother said nothing to them. Absolutely dreadful. Big hugs to you.

Dragged up, not brought up, what rude and obnoxious family. Don't worry, ave a or and try and forget those buggers

Your comments have had me close to tears tonight. I did not expect such lovely comments. I cringed when I hit the send button, thinking you would all think I was ridiculous. I held on to the hope that maybe you could see where I was coming from just for the fact that I would be appalled if my DS was to do this to another person. As one of you said, its like a swear word in this house, too.

Thank you all, every single comment has cheered me up.

You poor thing. I would have been mortified. I think you were just very unlucky and most kids would know not to do this by the age of 8, and if not most parents would have shut them up quickly. The mother was a complete cowbag or a very strange person who doesn't understand social norms.

Don't let yourself be upset by stupid comments from badly brought-up kids. And don't feel that what they said was a judgment on you, for goodness sake. With this type of silly behaviour they could have 'picked' on anyone for any daft reason. Try not to dwell on it. I am sure you are lovely.

My ds said something similar to a dm of one of his very close friends in the playground once. I knew the dm and yes she was rather large, knew it and was proud of it, and a very attractive and personable, larger than life type of woman to boot (I was always envious of her wonderful personality).

Ds had been brought up to not care or notice such stuff, he just came out with it and I swear MrsPee he didn't even know it would offend. Ds was about 5 at the time.

I stood transfixed to the ground. The dm appeared dignified but hurt, and if I may say so, probably appalled, and so was I. I got ds to apologise to her in person on the spot, ds' words to me in private were 'but * is large, what have I done wrong?'. He couldn't understand why anyone was upset. :( (Yes I'm still trying to work with people about ds and he's almost 18 now).

To him it was like saying something was yellow, tall, quiet, it didn't matter, he was just stating fact.

The dcs that hurt you are little, and I'm sure it wasn't meant as you heard it. And they were indeed probably just showing off and their parents should have admonished them on the spot.

I bet your just like ds' friend's mum, stunning :)

Should have pissed in the pool

@ trufflesnuffler !

When I worked in a nursery school one little girl asked in all seriousness "Sativa, is your bum very big?"

I just kind of sighed and said "Yes, yes it is...."

Hope you feel better now OP

Vile kids, and horrible mother needs educating. I've had children comment on my spots, while their mother pretended not to hear, if it makes you feel better. And my skin is not fantastic at all, but it's not that bad . . . Hope you had a glass of wine and enjoyed your ds's cuddle.

Hugs.... Have been through something similar. Teenagers in a car at a roundabout frantically and seriously showing by action to lower the window. Hubby thinking they were asking directions or something lowered the window only for the boys to cruelly show actions with their arms that I was fat and then bursting into laughter . Was time for us to take our exit in a few seconds. Was too stunned to react anyway.Got into the asda car park and burst into tears. DH said all the right things I needed to hear at that moment
Yes I am overweight !!but that incident hurt me for weeks . The humiliation I felt was unbearable for a while
Awful behaviour by kids and worse by their mum!! if I was their mother that would be their last minute in the pool for a very long time . She should have yanked them out of the pool and made them apologise to you. Lots and lots of hugs

How awful :( I don't understand people like that. What a total bitch that woman is, I would be very upset if my child said something like that, especially in a jeering tone. Disgusting and clearly they've got it from their mother.

If my child did yhat, There would be instant reaction, very cross mum and a very apologetic boy coming to say sorry then injected from the pool.

IMO.... Because the phone-mum is a selfish cow who prefers her gadget to interacting with her offspring, the kids are vainly trying to get her attention by being rude and goady.
They were showing off for her, not because you are particularly big or anything like that - they would have found something rude to say about whoever walked past at that moment it's almost sad that it didn't work - a mum who gave a shit about her DC would have put down the phone & dealt with it.

Please try not to take it to heart OP. it was nothing to do with your size, you were just unlucky to be there at that moment.

When I was nine months pregnant and wrapped up in a big winter coat and scarf (so resembling a barrel!) and waiting for a bus, a man leaned out of a van window and shouted 'fat cow' at me. I was horrified and shocked to the core, I remember that winded feeling in my stomach. It's the casual cruelty and the realisation that someone wants to hurt and humiliate you - so they pick anything to say and in our society 'fat' is one of the most powerfully shaming insults. If those boys aren't remonstrated with now, they'll grow up to be men like that and the only comfort I take is that adults when behave in that way are inadequate and incapable of normal human empathy - that mother will be in for a tough time when they are teenagers! Whereas you are raising a lovely son and aren't so pathetic that you need to publicly insult people to make yourself feel good. I know things like this continue to sting for a long time but try to put it out of your mind and forget about it .

Ps. Anyone watching would have been horrified by the mother and feeling for you so don't feel embarrassed by that.

I've been there and felt the burning shame. It is horrible. Ds friend asked him why his mum was fat when I went to an open day at school. My dm was there, my ds was very upset and everyone heard. It is an environment I have to contend with every day as it was at school. The kids were 6 .

Anyway, just to let you know that you are not alone. I now dread this happening whenever I am at school although it was a good kick up the backside to start weight watchers.

Hope you are feeling better OP.

Jelly, that phrase, 'casual cruelty' is perfect to describe an encounter like this and your own experience.