To be relaxed about my fussy eating 3 year old?

[JemR234]

DS is a fairly restricted eater, in that he refuses any meat, only likes red sauces, doesn't like different foods on his plate to touch, etc. however he does eat a pretty wide range of fruit and veg, cereals, bread, yoghurt and pasta. So not awful. I think the only area he's lacking overall is protein.

I have done some research and the advice from the experts seems to mostly be the same - dont make food a battleground, offer different foods but don't make a big deal if they refuse, don't bribe or punish over food.

We had been making him try everything on his plate to get pudding but this was just making everyone tense and miserable at mealtimes, so I told DH I thought we should start just making mealtimes fun by all sitting down together, offer food but not pass comment if he refuses it, stop rewarding his fussy eating with attention. He agreed but I sensed he wasn't convinced.

We've been doing this for 3 weeks now and so far DS has shown no sign of improvement. But mealtimes have been much more pleasant. And I think it's very early days and we should keep offering and wait for the phase to pass. DH has got a bee in his bonnet about him starting school next Sept and that he needs to be eating 'normally' by then. He thinks we need to 'encourage' (ie bribe and threaten with early bedtime).

AIBU to think we should just keep offering different foods and he will get there in the end?

Mine is 14yo and a flipping pain in the neck WRT food.
He is fit and healthy but his 'food groups' are limited . It's very frustrating.

DD eats anything except tuna fish.

I think sometimes if I went back in time I'd nail him to the table be much more strict. At nursery he ate a wider range - maybe because he was with other children?

I think you are taking exactly the right approach. Three weeks is no time at all really. He is far more likely to expand his diet in a relaxed and happy meal time environment. I was once told you might need to offer a new food upto 20 Times before a child Will accept it. I think you are doing the right thing.

DD is a good eater
It's DS that's the nightmare.

I think you're doing the right thing by offering foods but not turning it into a fight. having that kind of tension round the dinner table is not going to help and will likely just add pressure for your DS. Stick with it and enjoy your family meals!

I'd look into which non-meat sources of protein he is happy to eat (eggs, pulses, tofu, quinoa etc etc) and relax about the rest of it. His diet doesn't look at all poor to me, and as a vegetarian mother to a vegetarian toddler, I wouldn't sweat the meat refusal.

So, he's eating the same as previously, and meal times are less stressful? Sounds like a success to me!

You can tell your DH I have tried his approach - I know better, I've probably read the same things you have, but I am pathologically incapable of applying them. End result - DD at 9 is, not a nightmare tbh, just really ANNOYING about food. Takes things apart, mashes things, has limited likes and is very conservative about anything new.

School, however, is really not a problem. School dinners when it's pizza, fish and chips, or baked bean & cheese Yorkshire pud (ew), packed lunch the rest of the time (exact same packed lunch through Yr R and well into Yr 1, bit more varied now).

yanbu - when I was a kid I had a massive phobia of trying new foods...
I remember my mum trying to force me to eat brussel sprouts and me gagging to the point of chocking and her not letting me leave the table for hours !! whilst I screamed and screamed. it made my issue worse I then feared meal times altogether and would only eat cereal !

at 23 my diet is chicken in breadcrumbs chips etc burgers and hot dogs lol
I still eat no veg or fruit !

I agree with this approach OP. Had a similar experience, except DC was younger when we changed to this approach. Now will eat all sorts of things. I on the other hand was pushed to finish all my food. I used to think I was picky. I used to dread meal times. Hated school dinners. Only when I had more choice did I discover foods I actually liked.

the king of fussy eating lives in my house. No wet food ie anything in a sauce or gravy. no herbs spices or flavourings. nothing that looks like a fish. nothing that "smells odd". have to put food on the plate in 3 separate places - protein, then carbs then veg. these are then eaten in turn. everything smothered in tomato sauce. nothing with bits in. no onion. cereal in first then the milk - I could go on and on and on. we tried for years and years to force feed, bribe, cajole, get upset. none of it ever worked. so we just work round it. I feed him broadly what we eat but with his own foibles catered for. If its stew and dumplings I drain the meat and pat it dry and do him a potato. a social worker once told me to give him what the rest of us had and if he didn't eat it to take it away and persevere. I warned her. he ended up in hospital as he wouldn't eat even when starving. just accept that this is the way your DC is. give them what they will eat and work around them. the school will do the same, ours have anyway.

I was in the same boat as you OP about a year ago.

Dd1 went seemingly overnight from a child who would eat practically anything to one who would only eat about five things! No chips, no rice no potatoes of any sort, no veg and the only meat she would eat was chicken!

It worried me to start with but then we too decided to take the relaxed approach and it finally seems to be paying off. Her favourite meal is now vegetable chilli with extra chickpeas!

Wasn't easy but I think not making a big deal is the way to go.

Your DS sounds very similar to mine!
Although my boy has a speech delay and as things started to improve with that he had branched out a little with eating meat! Home made chicken nuggets get eaten now (this seemed such a big step to us!)
I have spoken to a nutritionist, she agreed with the 'no battlefield' stance and also said that as they go to school, watching what their peers ate did tend to improve the range of foods they eat.
My DS has some health issues and as a consequence of his medication he has low blood sugar levels. So just giving him what we are eating and letting him go hungry is not an option. In fact drs tell us to give him sweets (actually he won't eat sweets so we give him raisins, fruit juice etc).

My ds has suddenly started being a bit fussy, before he would eat almost everything
I never give him anything he has never liked but new ones I have a suspicion is because of a boy hes hes class hes friends with is extremely fussy
I ask him to have a mouthful of what he claims he doesnt like if he wants pudding
If u worried about protein there are plenty of vegetation ways of getting it in dairy, beans etc

it's very commen op. you are completely right. don't give him attention re eating. relax, it will change as he gets older. if it Doesnt then that's just him. some adults are bloody fussy eaters.

food isn't worth the battle.