School punishment?

[Binkyridesagain]

I am in need of the mumsnet jury.

DS has just returned home from high school, his school trousers have been slashed and he has a slight injury to his leg. He notified a teacher asap and she knows which child has been doing the slashing and how it was done (blade of a pencil sharpener). However she has asked DS to ask me what I feel would be a suitable punishment. Heck I have never been put in this position.

After some thought I have come up with-

A new pair of school trousers, they have to be replaced as they are not repairable, the cost will not be expensive as they are standard black trousers.

Also a letter of apology including reasons why you should not slash people.

Is this sufficient, too much, unreasonable, should I ask for him to be publicly flogged or should I just hand this back to the teacher as it was done in school?

New trousers
An apology
Detention

What Daddypig said.

New trousers - why should you be out of pocket.

Definitely a written apology.

Detention to write the apology.

Emininently sensible approach Binky but I agree a detention too.

Stupid school.The whole point of a justice system is that punishment is meted out by an impartial third party.

A teacher is asking a parent, through their child, how they should manage discipline?

Seriously?

I was umming about the detention but thought that maybe that was something that the school could add to the list if they felt it was appropriate. On further thinking, a detention in which they can write the apology is a good idea. I shall add that to the list.

I'm obviously a bit hard line. Making a weapon and using it to cause injury I would expect a one day exclusion at High School age.

New trousers
Apology
A project about bullying and agression
Detention

Flippin eck! MNers are harsh

Is it normal practice now for parents to dish out punishments via the school? I have never heard of this before.

I really hate this approach of asking the wronged party what they want done about it - it's bloody lazy.

Tell them you want them to follow their own policies and you want to be kept fully up to date on what's happening.

Asking you to decide the punishment could just exacerbate bad feeling by the culprit towards your son. It really should be up to the school to decide what is appropriate. (Although you are perfectly entitled to demand that he pays for a new pair of trousers).

The boy was actually using a weapon which could cut somebody next time. The school should deal with it strictly.

This is the first time in 17 years of dealing with schools that I have been asked what the punishment should be. Maybe they have had too many parents going in all guns blazing making demands and are trying a new approach.

I think I will write a letter to the teacher asking if what DS has said to me is what she has asked and if so then x,y and z would be fair. I would phone but sometimes its difficult trying to speak to the right person.

I would tell the school that, though grateful for their offer, I was not prepared to write their sanction policy for them. But I would like the trousers replaced.

Of the suggestions here, the apology letter is the one I think would be most suitable, especially if written during a detention.

I absolutely agree with meditrina and others, that is totally bizarre to ask parents to think of punishments. I presume this is just part of the process of making you feel involved and that staff will take a perfunctory gaze at whatever you write and then implement the school policies? I certainly hope anyway. Would you want your son's misdemeanors to be punished according to the will of the wronged party? This is not to question the seriousness of the situation. I'd be incredibly upset if my child had been attacked in this manner. But what's the next step?! - this doesn't seem a million miles from offering your son the chance to slash the other child's trousers.

a child has slashed another child and caused injury? Personally i would be calling the police.

I do feel very uncomfortable deciding on a punishment, I feel that it is not my place to do this, it is the schools.

Yes from what I have been told, the boy has made a potentially dangerous instrument but the harm that has been caused is minimal, the trousers can be replaced and the injury on the leg will heal and there should be no scarring from it. Does this require an exclusion? compared to the last incident at school (police involvement) this is minor.

Starting this thread has made me understand I do not want to make this decision and I am not going to make this decision, I would like a new pair of trousers or the money to replace them and a letter of apology. Detentions, exclusions etc are the schools business and they should decide if they need to take this further than my request.

Does this require an exclusion?

How on earth could you know? Or is the school going to provide you with a complete run down of his previous behavioural record and any current pastoral issues, both of which are vital context. And I'd be flipping furious if such information was passed to another parent.

I can sympathise with a teacher who has set punishments in the past, only to receive objections from the injured child's parent. She's just getting in first with "well, what would you LIKE me to have done?".

But this seems unlikely. The message came verbally via DS? Are you sure he understood and transmitted it completely accurately? Could she have just been asking how much replacement trousers would cost? Have you SPOKEN to the teacher, or are you building a pyramid based on a faulty assumption?

Just checked with DS again, the information from him is, the teacher will speak to the other childs parents but is not going to do anything until he finds out what I want to do. No I haven't heard from the teacher.

I will send the teacher a letter and just request new trousers and a letter of apology.

Does this require exclusion was in response to poster further up the thread. I have no desire to see the child excluded and would I hope the school would not turn to such drastic action on the say so of one parent.

The child made a weapon and used it to damage your son's property and injure him. It may be the teacher is asking what you want ot do in terms of leaving it with them or going to the police.

At secondary age, regardless of pastoral issues and whether or not this is a first offence, I think that's a pretty serious act and would expect an exclusion to be the starting point for a school's punishment. But I agree that is their decision, rather than yours.

I'd expect some sort of exclusion - preferably a day in the school's exclusion centre if they have one, not just a day off school.

But I would expect the school to follow their own policy. Is the teacher dealing with this a head of year or department or more senior?

Bit weird to ask you about the punishment. I can understand what another poster said about the school being worried about parental complaints if a punishment is "wrong", but they really ant run a school like this. What are they going to do if you say you want the kid flogged?! Puts you in a bit of an awkward position IMO.

What you suggested plus exclusion for day, maybe 2.Could have done a lot more damage. Nip it in the bud. Not acceptable.