AIBU - Couples Curry Night...

[Bathsheba]

I'm feeling greatly as if my friends are distancing themselves from me - here is another thread I wrote with some background...

My DH is finally home...I can go out..I mooted the idea of going out on Friday night (just the pub that does food...I have a discount voucher and we are all bargain fiends...)

Straight off the bat my "bes"t" friend replies..- "Nope, we can't come that night, its couples curry night - I'm going out with (names of 3 other friends I have mooted Friday night to, and their husbands...).

Now, I was never invited to Couples Curry night....okay, I at the time had no idea when DH would be home or away....and DH would never come (he has social phobia and is well up on the ASD spectrum)... AIBU to still be sad that I wasn't asked...(To add some context - many of our group of friends have CHILDREN on the ASD spectrum who have many issues - in fact a number of them know each other from ASD parent support groups...)

It transpired that Couples Curry Night is actually Saturday so a few of them are coming to the pub etc with me on Friday - but not my "best" friend who laid into me verbally the other week and really seems to be distancing herself from me...

I'm feeling a tad unloved I have to say....

Do they know about your DH social phobia? As it is a couples night, perhaps she assumed that you wouldn't come anyway?

I think if they are calling it 'couples curry night' then the idea is that they want it to be couples. If they know you won't be able to come in a couple, then they ANBU to not invite you. It does change the dynamic when everyone except one person is in a couple.

They know my husband is on the Asd spectrum. They know I don't have hot and cold running babysitters - unlike everyone...

However they have said in the past how important it is to invite people/never assume people can't come etc...

I'm sure in 30 years time they'd hate the idea of their children who have SEN and their wives being automatically excluded from social events....

I know, I know I'm BU...I guess u was hurt last night by the listing of everyone else who was going...

I've read the other thread and I do think YAB a bit U. You asked them to come over and they already had plans for something they had spent money on. I think then looking on Facebook and being cross they were doing other things was OTT too.

I think that perhaps you might be bringing this on yourself slightly by being a bit needy and clingy. I think a lot of people really wouldn't like it if every time they went out socially they were expected to invite a limpet like friend. Sometimes you want to do different things with different people. Ditto being upset about your friend not coming to the pub. I don't think being cross if people don't drop all their plans to fit in with yours at the last minute will endear you to anybody.

Having said that I find the idea of of people having exclusive couple nights just awful and wouldn't want to be friends with them even though I'm part of a couple.

Oh dear - this is a hard one. I do agree that it is important to invite everyone as I hate people feeling left out.

However, if someone consistently says no, then I would probably stop as I would be worried I was pressurising them when they clearly couldn't or wouldn't want to come!

But, I would probably have a chat with you and see if there was something that you and your DH would like to come to

It might be worth speaking to your nicest friend about this. Instead of dwelling on what they haven't done, you could say that you would really like to arrange a get together at yours or a day out with the children (no babysitters needed!) so what would she suggest/think is best? Then try and get a date pinned down there and then. Hopefully the others will then come along