To find weekly pregnancy updates so god damn irritating / patronising.....

[MrsJob]

Realise the hormones don't help, and god knows why I still read them, but...At a motivational low. Please help! Too jaded with too many 1st time pregnant friends. Where are the reality updates for real people??

28 Weeks

Your baby:
This week your baby's fat layers are beginning to form and he is now the size of a beach whale. From this week on he will continue to grow until he resembles two beach whales.

Your body :
Your baby has an amazing ability to make room for himself. Your lungs, bladder, stomach and any other internal organs will continue to be squashed until it feels like you can no longer breathe, eat or hold in any water.

What you need to know:
Not long too go now! Your into your final trimester which mean you only have three more months, THREE MONTHS(!), until you will be able to breathe again....

Pregnancy Tip:
'Now that it's later in my pregnancy, I find that if I sleep on my side with a pillow underneath my belly, turn off the monitor and ignore my screaming one year old, I don't wake up at night'
3rd time mum in 3years

Maybe you could do a whole series of these and offer them as free contraceptives on the NHS?

I would have definitely felt better reading your version.
I always wondered if I was missing something, as I just felt weird about having another entire person growing in me, but everyone talks likes it's magical.

I mean it is, but it's also bloody weird.

I hope this is a tongue in cheek post op

For first time mothers they must be quite interesting?

plus (with all due respect) nobody forced you to have so many babies in a short space of time!

perhaps that is why your body is so done in

I have a fb friend who announced she was pregnant 4th baby a few weeks later she announced she was 7 weeks gone she must have posted just after she had a shag conceived she is now moaning it isn't the same as when she had her first very young and she is so tired EVERYBLOODY DAY

I felt like this second time round. Re-registered for the updates thinking I'd find them helpful reminders and instead wanted to throw the phone at the room every time I read one.

Pregnancy App Activity for today: make yourself a delicious smoothie! Relax and think of all the lovely vitamins and goodness you are sharing with your baby.

RL Activity for today: spend 40 minute bargaining futilely with your toddler that he definitely needs socks and shoes on in order to leave the house.

PA advice: Remember some foods can be dangerous. Avoid goats cheese, cold meat and of course don't drink alcohol.

RL: Goats cheese mmmmm delicious. Oh, wasn't I supposed to eat that? Never mind.

I liked mine. I thought it was really interesting.

I'd have liked an alternative one as well though.

I'm 36 weeks with my second.

I ignore the Bounty updates now because it reminds me to buy stuff I can't afford :)

"Here's a great range of lovely comfy expensive maternity shite that you would love but tough luck you'll just have to wear the same giant jumper and leggings for the next four weeks or so. You can keep the outfit clean by only wearing it when you go out and staying in a dressing gown at home"

Is this about Facebook.

I few friends have the pregnancy thing their timelines, so I see these statues 3-4 times a week.

28wks this week too and one of the weekly emails tells me that this is a great time to book a romantic 'babymoon' get away with my partner. Fabulous idea, although they didn't leave details of where I should send DS and DD, I presume they'll be babysitting them for me?

At least you know the stuff you don't need after the first.

I'm so glad I remembered the advice to take some paracetamol tablets during early labour at home. Made the hours just fly by...

A TENS machine is also handy if you need something to fling across the floor in a rage

I've downloaded three of these apps can you tell I'm an over excited first timer?!

Today I was told to buy new shoes because my feet might have swollen. Erm, really, because that's exactly what I'm spending my precious money on now

It has to be done Eeyore!

Not the shoe buying though - the knowing what kind of fruit your baby looks like this week

This time round I keep forgetting what week I'm on - last time I could have told you the week, number of days, and whether she was an orange or a grapefruit

I found them interesting looking at the fruit comparison one esp

What's annoying me now is that I'm still getting them

'Your baby is now 48weeks old'. No shit Sherlock - I know how old he is, I was there when he made his bloody entrance into the world!!

Apparently mine is a cabbage this week. What a load of bollocks that is, I can't see how a 30 week baby looks anything like a cabbage!

2nd pregnancy are a bit if an anti-climax from your first pregnancy

By God yes! Second time round, the pregnancy emails pissed me off so much I wrote a totally incoherent ranty post in AIBU and was quite rightly flamed for being a loon. You're doing well OP cos you've managed to keep your sense of humour!

Haha! Hilarious. Feeling infinitely better after a quick rant and a few giggles. Thank you all :-)

A CABBAGE bet you were thrilled with that Eeyoreish

I joined an app early on in my pregnancy which posted to FB all by its self (I obviously gave permission in my sleep eternal state of exhaustion). Thankfully I had hit week 12 (barely). Came down after a week pissed me off so much.
OP I'd sign up to your updates. Oh this week apparently I'm carrying a baby the weight of a coconut. No this week I'm carrying a baby the weight (and size and awkwardness) of a coconut tree!

I 'liked' the ones nearer the 40wk mark, full of tips for labour: "make sure dad is prepared for labour too by packing him a snack and a change of clothes, offer him a whiff of your gas and air or invite him into the birthing pool so he can share the fun!"

I'd like DH to "share the fun" by shoving a watermelon up his backside and inviting him to slowly push it out over the course of several hours.

God help the child whose Mum DOESN'T think his every move is fascinating, and he's the most important, facinating thing in the universe! She'll murder him before the first birthday.

Live with the messages and show polite interest. Save and collect them though, to embarass the child with at his wedding.

They are just great when they keep on coming after you've miscarried. One particular app didn't seem to have a cancel option, but luckily you could change the due date and I got pregnant again quite quickly. Would have caused a lot of heartache otherwise.

I haven't been given a copy of Emma's Diary

My 26w bump has been christened Turnip, on account of the vegetable/fruit theme these apps seem to abide by.

They just seem to contain no actual information!

I'm sure I thought they were a bit sparce on useful info the first time around too...