Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

who is being unreasonable !

30 replies

mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 16:48

This is a tiny bit complicated.

a couple from our area are having a baby who is going to be v poorly.
the mother has had to be v far away from her partner because of this and they are struggling financially for him to be there at the birth and to stay through the 2 ops the baby will have.
we set up a fundraiser I worked my ass off to organise it etc people donated loads of stuff to sell.

any way the father went over to see her for a few days as it was there anniversary , and bought her a really special gift which has their future daughters initials on it as a keep sake , its known yet whether this baby will survive. it was a real Pandora bracelet.

any way she posted the photo on facebook and it has caused one womens outrage, this women is a bit of a jobs worth person and in everyones business.

the women called the police on the couple to tell the police the fundraiser was a scam.

the bracelet was expensive he saved up for 3 months for it, the money we raised its to help the cost of their flat here whilst he is there for 2 months not working !!

was the bracelet unreasonable or was the women.

OP posts:
lifesgreatquestions · 26/11/2013 16:53

I wouldn't judge how another couple work through such a difficult time.

If I was that couple I would be very embarrassed by this woman and would give her back her donation and probably stop the fundraiser if I felt I was going to be subject to other people's opinions about how I live.

I don't know what a Pandora bracelet is but I get that it's expensive. I don't choose to spend money that way but I stand by the right of others to live their lives as they see fit.

Tulip26 · 26/11/2013 16:54

So, he bought the bracelet out of his own money? Not the fundraiser? Block her on facebook and TBH the police probably won't be interested. That woman sounds like she's got her priorities all wrong if there's (or will be) a very sick child involved.

Original poster
mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 16:55

this women hasn't donated a single thing. !
she was a mate of everyone yes but hadn't donated anything, but she was the one to call the police .

OP posts:
Original poster
mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 16:57

yh tulip he bought it out of his money, her complain was that they didn't need the fundraiser money if he could spend 250 plus on a present.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 26/11/2013 16:57

And what have the police said?

I hope it's "jog on mate" as it's not illegal to buy a bracelet with money that has been raised through donations.

Arcadian · 26/11/2013 16:57

Depends doesn't it?

If the fundraiser operated on the context of 'omg, were so poor, we can't afford anything at all' I can see why she would be upset.

If the fundraiser was a 'please give anything you can to help them live more comfortably at the horrid time' she's being unreasonable.

I know he paid for it separately from the funds raised, but if you honestly are really struggling, advertising such luxuries is very stupid.

Who needs to put these things on FB anyway? Wasn't very wise!

whitsernam · 26/11/2013 16:57

It sounds to me like the father is trying to be really supportive with his wife, and giving her something meaningful she can cherish that will be related to this time and his love for her.... and the women need to butt out! I get that they may have donated money thinking the couple had none at all, and they are shocked at the price of the bracelet, but I think they are minimizing the impact of this situation on both parents and how the father feels having to be apart right now.

Called police? WTactualF?

jacks365 · 26/11/2013 16:58

If he could afford the bracelet he could afford to support his wife and himself and doesn't need the fundraising. It would irritate me if someone pleaded poverty and then did that.

Sirzy · 26/11/2013 16:59

The woman who is complaining is being very unreasonable.

I know of a family locally whereby their daughter is very poorly and a lot of fundraising has been done for treatment for her and the family ended up posting on their FB page to confirm that non of their days out were being funded by this money because they had had so many people making digs. My response, like most others was that if using money donated meant the whole family got much needed fun time together then they were welcome to use money I had donated.

Some people just like to make a fuss

Original poster
mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 17:01

yh the fundraiser is because basically they obviously have a home and he is getting unpaid leave so will lose there flat if he is over with her for at least 2months.

OP posts:
MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 26/11/2013 17:01

the women called the police on the couple to tell the police the fundraiser was a scam

Wow.

What a bitch. She's tainted a lovely gift and caused an upset couple more stress.

I'd be avoiding her from now on. Might be you she turns on next.

Iamsparklyknickers · 26/11/2013 17:01

Ouch, I have to admit I would probably have the thought that perhaps their money could have been put to better use, but in the circumstances people don't always think with their heads and he was clearly trying to make a sweet gesture to his wife. How much is a pandora bracelet anyway? I doubt it's enough to cover a months rent.

Presuming that any fundraising money hasn't actually been used yet it may not even have entered into his thought process.....

Calling the police is way over the top and that woman sounds like an absolute divvy to be piling that worry onto them on top of everything else.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 26/11/2013 17:02

So in this womans world, anyone who accepts charity should have their accounts audited so the rest of us can see what they are spending and make sure we approve?

Bonkers. What a spiteful person!

Original poster
mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 17:05

no iams the money is still with me, until the end of December.. the baby is due in January. it cause so much upset as the police had to follow up the complaint and verify it was legit. she asked me if I was offended by her receiving th ebracelet which of cause I am not. she posted it all over aswell ( we live in a small place ) so a lot of people had been involved, in the fundraiser and donations.

OP posts:
Mim78 · 26/11/2013 17:06

I think this woman was unreasonable and spiteful. I agree it would be sad if she has tainted a lovely gift.

Sirzy · 26/11/2013 17:08

A pandora bracelet with one charm is under £150

Original poster
mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 17:10

sirzy it had 6 charms not that it matters :)

yh the girl feels alwful mim I was furious .

OP posts:
Thurlow · 26/11/2013 17:11

I can sort of see why the woman wasn't too impressed, though she;s undoubtedly overreacted. Of course he should be able to save up and buy his wife a present, but it depends how the fundraising was advertised/sold. I can see why people would think, "if they need that money so much, why did he spend it on expensive jewellery instead of saving it for when they need it?"

Does the family know that money is being raised for them? It's a lovely gesture and wonderful of people to do that, and I'm sure the husband meant well buying the present, but tbh I can see why some people wouldn't be too impressed.

Original poster
mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 17:17

yeh they knew it was being raised they had helped with asking etc. I just couldn't tell whether I was being unreasonable for not understanding this women.

OP posts:
farrowandbawl · 26/11/2013 17:17

Under those circumstances and not knowing wether the baby will live or die I would never complain about the mother being bought a keepsake, paid for by her husband or out of the fundraising. Sometimes, it just doesn't matter. This is one of those times.

The complainer is one to avoid from now on. She's shown her true colours and it's not pretty.

MaidOfStars · 26/11/2013 17:18

Remarkably poor judgement on the couple's part. His intentions in buying the bracelet may have been wonderful, but it's an extravagant gift (six charms?). And when one is the intended recipient of a community/friends fundraising effort to offer financial support for a forthcoming time of hardship, it's not too much to ask for a little discretion, surely?

I wouldn't be impressed either. However, I wouldn't have gone to the police.

MaidOfStars · 26/11/2013 17:20

Are you saying that they participated in setting up the fundraiser?

Thurlow · 26/11/2013 17:23

As they knew so many people were helping to fundraise, I do feel personally that they should be saving too and an extravagant gift isn't in the best taste. However that's not to not sympathise with them or to not understand why he would want to buy her a lovely keepsake at such an awful time. I kind of think the bracelet is a bit unreasonable, but that might just be that I personally would be embarrassed to know my friends were fundraising for me and I wasn't trying to save as much as I could. If the bracelet cost, say, £200, that might be half their rent for one month, which is a lot.

You're right, though, it is a very complicated one. The woman was being OTT to call the police, but to give her the benefit she may have been scammed one in the past and that's why she jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Rosduk · 26/11/2013 17:25

As a mother of a newborn that was sick and died shortly after birth I can understand her husband trying to cheer her up, I think it is a lovely keepsake. We bought a silver keyring with our sons footprints on it that was £100 and although we are always frugal I'm glad we did it.

We did not need to fundraise but if the couple are anything like us they will be doing everything in their power to stay strong, brave and just to get through the day while worrying and praying that their child will survive.

The woman who tried to shop them should be ashamed and bloody glad that she is not in their position,

Original poster
mistymoomoo · 26/11/2013 17:27

the women didn't know about the bracelet until she received it the reason why it was 6 charms was 3 for the initials and then the other things that kept in place.

he saved for months as it was their anniversary and hadn't seen eachother in 4 months.

I just don't know what to think :/

OP posts: