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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by mil...?

26 replies

rach6122 · 26/11/2013 16:17

... Introducing me as her friend? Long back story basically told dh I wasn't good or pretty enough when we first got together, lots of snide comments not listening to us regarding dd etc etc. anyway recently thought thins were better, we were shopping in a furniture store and she said to the assistant "I'm just out shopping with my friend" I am 8 months pregnant with dc2
Aibu?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/11/2013 16:19

maybe she considers you to be a friend.. its a bit odd but I wouldnt get too offended by it..

usualsuspect · 26/11/2013 16:21

Bit odd but I wouldn't be offended.

Lambzig · 26/11/2013 16:21

I think its nice. I can understand your sensitivities with the backstory but perhaps she was trying to say that she considers you a friend too.

I always introduce my step mother as a friend, or by her name as. Her and DF got together too late forme to call her mum, but step-mother seems a bit cold. Perhaps she feels that way about daughter-in-law.

AdoraBell · 26/11/2013 16:21

Maybe she feels that refering To you as a friend is a nice thing? I'm thinking because I regard one of my sisters as a friend as Well as sibling that possibly other people might do the same?

Next time she does it just mention that you are married To her DS and see How she responds. Should give you a clue as To How she feels now.

EldritchCleavage · 26/11/2013 16:23

I would, and I was. PIL would never call me their daughter-in-law, even when I was standing next to them as they proudly showed off the child to whom I'd just given birth. People used to do this odd look, obviously thinking 'Is that the mother or not? Weird'.

orangepudding · 26/11/2013 16:23

You choose your friends but not your family. Is a bit odd though.

eosmum · 26/11/2013 16:26

She wants to seem younger and not old enough to have a DIL and grandchildren???

WhoNickedMyName · 26/11/2013 16:27

I think it’s odd.

I wouldn’t be offended, but it is strange.

If she does it again you should link arms with her and say to the other person “BEST friend… AND daughter in law” with the cheesiest grin you can manage.

Original poster
rach6122 · 26/11/2013 16:32

Hmm, I took it as she was embarrassed by me or wanted to belittle me... Maybe I'm sensitive at the moment. Haha whonicked I might try that!

OP posts:
MrsGarlic · 26/11/2013 17:58

I would consider that extremely strange, but then again my MiL takes great pride in introducing me as her "daughter in law".

Lavenderhoney · 26/11/2013 18:08

She sounds as though she is being nice, and wants to be considered a friend- and totally agree with who nicked:) most excellent plan:)

My mil describes me as her "british" dil, and manages to convey a whole history of ingrained stereotyping with how she says it, rolling her eyes etc.
she forgets I speak her language. She doesn't speak a word of mine:)

BettyOff · 26/11/2013 18:10

It would be worse OP, mine introduces me as 'DD's names Mother'. Obviously the fact I'm also married to her son isn't something she wants to share. Lovely.

Original poster
rach6122 · 26/11/2013 18:19

Oh that's horrible betty. What's even worse is her other son has a girlfriend of 3 weeks and she rang me to tell me her dil visited last night and how lovely it is that her dil wants to see her... She also rang dh to tell him how stunning and lovely new "dil" is

OP posts:
TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 26/11/2013 18:22

Was all prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt but then I read the OP's latest post. MIL sounds like a nasty piece of work, frankly!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 26/11/2013 18:32

I was going to say that in your MILs world, friend is less important than DIL and I would have been offended too.

Then I read your last post, and well, that's confirmed it!

Sorry. :( Try to ignore her.

BookswillbeBooks · 26/11/2013 18:38

After reading your last post, she is definitely in the wrong and was trying to make you feel bad. And sounds like a shitty mil

Original poster
rach6122 · 26/11/2013 19:28

I think so too! Grin Ill just keep letting it go over my head.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 26/11/2013 21:17

Oh yes, that sheds a compleletely different light. Just plain nasty.

lizzzyyliveson · 26/11/2013 22:05

If she does it again just say, "well, I wouldn't go that far..."

Original poster
rach6122 · 27/11/2013 08:23

Haha!

OP posts:
TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 27/11/2013 09:18

What does your DH think? Is he/would he be happy that your MIL behaves like this?

Original poster
rach6122 · 27/11/2013 13:32

No they are not talking ATM. They have had many a falling out over the way she treats me, but he thinks its partly my fault for letting er get away with it, as I've never been rude back or said anything when I have his full 'permission' to do so.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 27/11/2013 13:41

How rude. I thought it was an age thing until your post about your bill's girlfriend. My mum used to talk about her grandchildren and then say "of course ellie had children very young you know". I had DS1 when I was 24 Grin

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 27/11/2013 14:09

Time to start being rude back then, I reckon! Grin

oscarwilde · 27/11/2013 14:16

Or kill her with kindness as WhoNicked suggested. You could have a lot of fun.... Grin

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