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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder who I could cut out from buying Xmas gifts this year?

50 replies

Hotmad · 26/11/2013 14:57

Ok so with a new arrival imminent (41 weeks today) I'm thinking about Christmas and presents and realised each year I get more and more people to buy for! I have my immediate family, a couple of uncles and cousins and now this is where it adds up, I always get 2 or 3 of my friends a present and now they have 1 or 2 children each and I bought for them too..... Now I have my own child arriving soon ( I hope!!) I want to spend my hard earned cash on her! What would you do?
Who do you buy for? Or how many people??
How do you broach the subject of I'm not getting you something this year so don't bother with me??? Lol

OP posts:

WaitMonkey · 26/11/2013 15:04

Option 1, don't bother with anyone, not immediate family.
Option 2, don't buy for any adults.
Option 3, don't buy for anyone other than your dc.
Though you have left it a bit late to drop people. If someone said to me, not to bother with gifts this year, then I'd say fine but you can have one anyway as I've bought it. Lot's of crazy people like me have finished or almost finished Christmas shopping.

WaitMonkey · 26/11/2013 15:05

Oh, congratulations btw. Hope your not waiting much longer.

WaitMonkey · 26/11/2013 15:06

Sorry. don't know how the face appeared.

raisah · 26/11/2013 15:09

It depends on why you give a gift I suppose. Do you give to receive or out of obligation or because you love buying presents? Could you buy a family gift only or agree to buy for kids only? This might be a good time to discuss this with people as everyone are on much tighter budgets than previously.

DoctorWhoPrefersToFlySolo · 26/11/2013 15:10

I have 2 Dc's 15 and almost 7. My brother has 3 (17 to almost 21) and his fiancée and our Mum.

I buy my single male friend a gift otherwise he'll get nothing and I am giving a very small gift to 3 children of friends as the friends have been good to me. Another couple of friends will get a family box of chocs.
I'm going to cut out brothers kids when they reach 21, so will only buy brother and fiancée plus a tin of chocs for the 'kids'. The kids don't like me, I don't much like the kids, so pfftt!

Years ago, before Dd (almost 7), I used to buy for friends and their Dc's, but I knew that I would not be able to afford it once I had Dd, so I told them all.

Funny how I'd bought their kids gifts for their entire lives (some were by now in their 20's!), but the moment I said I'm not doing it anymore, they stopped buying for my Ds...Dd has never had a birthday or Christmas gift from any of them.

So, what I'm saying OP is, don't worry about it! just tell them money is tight and will become tighter and you need to pull your belt in and therefore won't be buying them or their Dc's gifts anymore. If you really want to, just buy the tin of chocs as a token.

loopylouu · 26/11/2013 15:11

We only by for each other (me and dh) ds and our parents.

Dh doesn't buy his sister or nephews anything (we are not close though) or vice versa.

Makes things a lot more simple.

UpTheFRIGGinDuff · 26/11/2013 15:11

I think most sane pepole will forgive you this year,at Xmas you will still be in newborn baby haze,I can barely remember my own name at that point...

Anyhoo,we only buy for - our DC,our parents,our siblings and their DC.
Even then it's only token presents for anyone other than the DC. (£20 MAX)

I'm 38 weeks so we'll have a tiny one around Xmas too,I won't be buying the baby anything,except to fill a stocking,but that's for DD's benefit,not the baby's.
the baby has no idea what presents are...buy yourself something nice instead

Iamsparklyknickers · 26/11/2013 15:12

There's nothing wrong with approaching people and just saying that things are a bit tight and can you agree to only buy for the children. They might say they've already bought their stuff, but I can't imagine many people having an issue with it once you've bought it up.

Family presents aren't a terrible way to go - granted there's always a lot of crap around to eat at Christmas but a nice tin of biscuits/chocolate and a bottle of wine will always get used and is at least a token.

Guitargirl · 26/11/2013 15:14

When our first DC was born it was the same year as lots of babies being born in our family. We all stopped buying for aunts/uncles/adult cousins at that point and they stopped buying for us. But that was discussed/decided around September time! You may find that people have already done quite a lot of their shopping. Or not! Hope you don't have too much longer to wait before welcoming your little one.

Cremolafoam · 26/11/2013 15:19

Rather than cutting anyone out I'd redistribute the money so spend less on everyone. Set a budget and stick to it. Do not buy any emergency extras , or just in case items. Forget about dp -agree not to exchange gifts.Do not send any Christmas cards - ime no one really notices or comments and it will save time and money not bothering. Don't buy a fresh tree- waste of money. Get yourself invited somewhere for Xmas dinner. If you can.
Avail of all 3 for two offers ( boots Tesco are both doing it ATM)
Use all Tesco boost offers and nectar points and boots advantage points.
Shop online using as many discount codes / free delivery as possible.
Use brown paper for wrapping- ikea is cheap and make gift tags from last years cards.

Kundry · 26/11/2013 15:20

Wouldn't do more than a token gift for friends and definitely not friends' children. Being in newborn baby mode, you have the perfect excuse to forget this year and then don't start again next year.

TBH I wouldn't do uncles and cousins even a token gift unless you are really really close. I would think cards are fine.

Everyone will now realise you are starting your own family and your focus will be on immediate family and most of all your DCs. Mumsnet will be awash with threads for the next 3 weeks from people trying to gracefully back out of buying adults presents, or anything more than a token box of chocs so you are definitely not alone.

decaffwithcream · 26/11/2013 15:23

Next year will probably be much easier to establish a new pattern.

It might be awkward to say it now when you are probably about to recieve new baby gifts from many of the people on your list!

Kundry · 26/11/2013 15:24

Not that I would recommend this but I am very disorganized and for several years would forget to send Christmas cards (I know, I'd think it was too early to send them and suddenly it would be Christmas Eve and it was too late). Gave them to immediate family only when I saw them.

Almost no-one noticed and I'd still get masses of cards. You could easily use the baby excuse for forgetting and then start again next year with a reduced list.

BenNJerry · 26/11/2013 15:48

I will be buying for DS, my parents, grandparents, DH, and children in the family. I also get a gift for my best friend's DS and she gets one for mine, but we don't give each other gifts. I would rather give the children things and am not bothered about receiving gifts myself. Money seems to get tighter every year!

girlywhirly · 26/11/2013 15:49

M&S are still doing their offers on chocs, sweets and choc biscuits if you want to buy a family present for each family. Scaling back the presents this year will mean you can stop next year if you choose to.

BobaFetaCheese · 26/11/2013 15:54

We have a 3 month old and a 23 month old, we've told everyone (parents, siblings, friends etc) we're not buying presents this year and don't expect/want anything.
Mix of can't be bothered to shop for everyone and money could be better spent elsewhere, everyone is undetstanding.

Tulip26 · 26/11/2013 15:56

I make jam every year to give to distant family, friends and work collegues. Really cheap if you do it right and people like the home-made jam and the thought that goes into it.

Joysmum · 26/11/2013 15:57

If people have kids, we buy for the kids but not the parents.

BikeRunSki · 26/11/2013 15:59

I get for my dc, my nephews and nieces under 16, my mum, her partner. PIL get school photos.

ihearttc · 26/11/2013 16:03

The only people we buy for are our 2 boys.

If there is something me or DH desperately want we save up for it and buy it ourselves.

Whatever we got DH's parents and sister was always wrong so we now don't bother and my parents have said not to bother either.

Its actually quite nice bizarrely to not have to worry about it all.

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/11/2013 16:17

I am rapidly cutting down on present buying. Bought some choc/mint sticks and fake baileys in aldi - brother and uncle get those. Making cakes for male relatives - they all like a homemade cake. Making a nice bunting for mum. Night out with sister.

I would (and have!!) tell people, the friend esp that you can't afford it. Plan a get together with them instead. Their kids will get plenty without pressies from you.

BikeRunSki · 26/11/2013 16:27

I get for my dc, my nephews and nieces under 16, my mum, her partner. PIL get school photos.

Grotbagstwin · 26/11/2013 16:35

Now my friends have children I have three close friends who I just buy for their children. We all agree not to buy adult presents.
Same for siblings, we all buy our parents and nieces and nephews presents but not brothers and sisters.
Something for cousins and Aunts we buy a family gift like a bottle of wine and some sweets/biscuits, this saves quite a bit of money.

Crinkle77 · 26/11/2013 16:37

Just be honest. I think you might find that other people will be relieved if they don't have to buy presents too.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/11/2013 16:44

Bike is there a reason you buy actual gifts for your family and only give PILs a school photo? Seems a bit off unless there is more to it?

OP I think you have left it a bit late for this year so maybe order some nice wine to distribute among the grown ups and spend an hour on amazon sorting out the youngsters and then you're done?

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