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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To skip birthday

18 replies

slickrick · 26/11/2013 10:05

An old friend is having a birthday gathering next week, another old friend has recently stopped talking to me (she does this a lot with others for no apparent reason, as she will never say why) I have never had anyone stop talking to me, and don't like bad feeling or feeling uncomfortable. I sound like a wimp but would it be unreasonable to pretend I'm ill so I don't have to see ex friend?

I don't know any of the others going only the two I mentioned.

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 26/11/2013 10:16

No, YANBU.

I had a friend at Uni who would do this. It's like she'd wake and think, today I'm not going to speak to Pobble. She was a fucking nightmare to live with. So childish.

Original poster

slickrick · 26/11/2013 10:31

Thank you. I dont understand what I have done, we spoke every day for 20 years. I was really looking forward to my friends birthday, new outfit etc.

OP posts:

sandfrog · 26/11/2013 10:53

YABU to avoid the party. It's not your old friend's fault that the other one is blanking you, so the best thing would be to rise above it, go along and celebrate with her. Just ignore the other one and have a great time chatting to everyone else.

CoffeeTea103 · 26/11/2013 12:05

Yabu, why should the friends birthday it is have to miss out because of the ex friend. The day is about your friend not you, be a good friend and go.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/11/2013 12:08

YABU - go to the party and enjoy yourself. It's the other friends fault not yours or the birthday person.

Does birthday friend know this woman is ignoring you?

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 26/11/2013 12:12

If you can find / fake the confidence, you really should go. Why should you miss out on a party? Why should your other friend miss out on your company? Why should stroppy 'friend' be the one to go to a party while you mope at home?

You haven't done anything or if you have, she wants to sulk rather than discuss it like an adult - sod her!

Ideally, just have fun and act like you haven't even noticed.

Bumblebee333 · 26/11/2013 12:16

You should definitely go.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 26/11/2013 14:33

ring her and ask why she is not speaking doubt anyone has confronted her and if you have done something it gives you a chance to put it right. silly to be so passive and let her just stop with no explanation after so many years.

Original poster

slickrick · 26/11/2013 14:44

I have called and texted but she wont respond. I wanted to sort this out before the party. I know I have not done anything wrong. She has done this to others over the years so I suppose I am next in line for whatever reason.

OP posts:

Ifcatshadthumbs · 26/11/2013 14:47

DO NOT miss the party! Go, enjoy and be friendly to the point of being nauseating. Kill the cow with kindness and she will be the one that looks an idiot.

BigArea · 26/11/2013 14:48

Can you take another friend with you for moral support?

BrianTheMole · 26/11/2013 14:53

I'd go to the party anyway. Just say hello and ignore her other than that. Unless she apologizes. Why should you miss out?

BananaNotPeelingWell · 26/11/2013 14:54

God she soounds awful. Please do still go and try and rise above her behaviour. It's an awful thing to do do someone. My father has been prone to this for years. If he's upset about something, even if its small, we have to guess what it could be He even did it when I was a child fgs. Ridiculous way to carry on, but it still upsets me even now.

Crinkle77 · 26/11/2013 16:34

Please don't pull out because of this spiteful person. Hopefully she will pull out and then you can have a nice time.

Financeprincess · 26/11/2013 16:43

I think you should go, too. If you don't, the person who will be hurt is the friend whose birthday it is.

I wouldn't bother trying to contact the stroppy friend any more. You tried your best. Don't give her the satisfaction of playing her game.

Go to the party, look gorgeous, be charming and have a great time. Good luck.

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 26/11/2013 16:45

Please don't carry on trying to contact her.

Some people who behave as she has get off on people begging and pleading to please be spoken to again.

Honestly - go, hold your head high, be friendly but do not act like you give a shit. If you are nice and she chooses to ignore you, she will look the cow in front of everyone.

mitchsta · 26/11/2013 18:12

I had a friend like this too. HAD. Trust me, life is so much better without these attention-seeking, tantrum-throwing idiots. They drain every ounce of your energy and they give nothing back. I remember it from school, but I assumed people grew out of this after their teenage years. I was wrong.

Absolutely DO NOT give her another thought. Let her drain someone else's time and energy - she'll have a new flavour of the month she can whinge/bitch/gossip to. She will LOVE the attention you're giving her.

Go to your friend's party. Be normal. Be civil. Rise above it. She'll hate that you can still have a great time with everyone else while ignoring whatever issue she has or hasn't got with you.

And FFS use this as your opportunity to cut her out. Focus your time and energy on the people you really care about. She's being a knob.

Original poster

slickrick · 26/11/2013 18:24

Thank you all. I think I will go after all your comments. I have only ever been a good friend to her so I can hold my head high and have a good time with my other friend.

If I were her I would pretend to be friends for the sake of our friends 40th birthday, there are only 6 people going. It is going to make it very awkward for the others not to mention the birthday girl.

Nowt as strange as folk.

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