Ds2 is 5.5 and in year 1. For the second time in about 6 weeks he has come home from school and told me he has wet himself at school. Both times he has not told anyone, despite the fact I really pushed home to him last time the importance of telling someone and how they would help him get changed etc. After the first incident I spoke to the TA the next day after school as the teacher was unavailable and explained that although ds2 has been fully potty trained for a very long time he has never been able to hold it and when he says he needs to go he needs to go. Ds2 was saying things like they are not allowed to go at such and such a time. The TA said she would ensure he was reminded about going to the toilet and while they prefer them to go at break and lunchtime allowances could be made.
This time ds2 says that he had put his hand up to ask and the teacher told him to put it down, so he had. I should point out here that ds2 has been under investigation for possible SN since he was 3 and when we met with his teacher at the parents evening in October she said that ds2 never puts his hand up in large group time to answer questions etc, so the fact he had his hand up was surely a sign something was up.
Dh and I have, I am afraid to say, told ds2 that if this same situation was to occur he is to leave his hand up and try to speak up. Disobeying a teacher is not something we would normally encourage but our son has been in wet trousers since before lunch for doing as he was told. We have again assured him to tell some one if he has an accident again.
So am I being unreasonable to have a firm but fair word with his teacher? I have experience of classroom work (8 years in a reception class) and I know classroom management can be hard and I realise they can not do anything about the incident as they did not know, but if she had asked him why his hand was up (as it is a rarity) it could have been avoided. I hate confrontation by the way and will probably end up apologising to her for what'd happened.