Christmas Location Rotation - Inlaws vs Parents

[IncognitoBurrito]

I am going to sound like a total bitch here, but would like an outside opinion.

DH and I have 1 DS aged almost 1. DH's parents are divorced, Dad remarried and lives 5 hours away, Mum single and lives near us. My parents are still together.

Last Christmas we were at my parents as I had recently given birth, my Mum was helping me with DS, it was lovely.

This Christmas we're doing the 5 hour mission to his Dad's.

Background (not neccesarily relevant)- my parents are entranced by DS, his parents are fond, but not too interested - both of them. Also DH Mum will not stop telling you about her neighbours even to draw breath, plus her house is v uncomfortable - only dining chairs, no sofa and she won't put the heating on or flush the loo, so whenever you go you're always freezing, bored and then greeted by something swimming in the bowl

AIBU to want next Christmas at my parents every other year and not to do a three way rotation? So Christmas 2014 my parents, 2015 with his Mum, 2016 my parents, 2017 his Dad, and so on. It seems a bit unfair that because DH's parents split up, my parents miss out on Christmases when DD is small. I feel bad for thinking it, as I know it's not kind to his Mum (or Dad, but his Dad is not alone), but there it is.

Also AIBU to be doing an AIBU about Christmas 2014?

We decided that once we were a family, Christmas would come to us. Just make sure that your DH does his share of the organising

Oh - and there's Skype ! : )

What a headache. Invite everyone to yours. Your DH's mum/dad and your parents can all be there together. I there is weirdness over DH's mum and dad I'd do Christmas with his dad Boxing Dad (at yours).

People should travel to the young children IMO.

We stay put now and everyone comes to us (or not as their preferences go).

It really is the easiest way.

I wouldn't worry about planning years in advance, when I got engaged to now DH I worried about the same thing, especially as my mum is desperate to always host Christmas. In the last 9 years we've been together (6 with DC in tow) we've always done something Christmassy with my parents (so if not Christmas itself then a day or two around the holiday season), one Christmas with MIL, once or twice something around the same time with FIL, gone away on our own once and hosted everyone once (MIL didn't come)

Now we live in LA we went home last year, this year my parents are coming to us, I think they'll expect us to go to them next year but we want to stay put so will prob offer to pay for their flights. PIL will 99% likely decline any such invite....despite MIL saying when we got engaged she wanted to have us every 3rd year....

Having young children in other people's houses is hard work. They will not be child safe and you have to watch them every minute. Add to that travelling with kids and you have a good reason to stay home.

Just to add to the chorus of "host"! Think about it, did you travel as a child at Christmas or did you stay at home?

If FIL isn't over fussed and has other people with him for Christmas Day, then go to him Boxing Day.

Another vote for stay at home.

You can still rotate parents/pils but at your place.

Do this NOW because once you get in to a routine it is difficult to stop.

I generally have not much good to say about my mother, but I do know she put a stop to us going to our grandparents on Xmas day. She said it wasn't fair to let kids open toys and then take them away for the day, even though 'santa' had left another pile of toys at their house.

OP - you have a little one to take care of. Why not stay at home? What does your DH think?

A 5 hour drive, at Christmas?
An uncomfortable, freezing Christmas with MIL

Ohhhh...I just couldnt be bothered with it all. You're very reasonable tho, which is nice. Once Id had my DCs I had everyone over at mine, it was nice with everyone mucking in. But DCs or not, no way would I be spending Christmas anywhere I had to drive for hours, or which was uncomfortable. Stay home, and enjoy your Christmas. You'll have your DM there too, which is nice.

Once we had children we stayed at home. It is much simpler. Have your MIL with your parents.

Oh yes btw. As stated earlier I give a very strong vote for staying at home. And I agree with others that schlepping about the country with children at Christmas should be illegal is not good. Stay at home and enjoy Christmas with your LO. Tbh, in your position, I would be doing that starting 2013.

I never know why people do it with children or when they will stop. Teenagers do not want to spend Christmas transported around the country. Parents have done Christmas for years, it is time to hand over (unless they had years and years of having to go to parents and ILs).
Having a child is a good time to announce that you will be at home from now on. We had parents and ILs together some years, then you don't have to have 'whose turn?'.

I'd offer to host. My in laws are a PITA and their house is awful (mad dog, telly blaring constantly, upright orthopaedic sofa) so we decided to start hosting. It's better than the alternative!

You don't have to go anywhere at Christmas, why not stay at home and either invite family to yours or go see them Boxing Day.

I am forever thankful that ,once I had children, my parents said that they expected I would want to have Christmas in our own home and that they would be delighted to come if asked but not to worry if we didn't as they were perfectly capable of having a good Christmas on their own. They would be happy so long as they saw us at some point over the Christmas period.
My IL's were the same and that is how I plan to be when I have grandchildren.

I'm one of the grannies who gets schlepped to

Personally, I think children belong in their own home at Christmas and I never took mine away anywhere, but hosted lots of people, for years, instead.
I now have DGC and DC each tried staying home for a year or two.......
BUT
I am now back to hosting everyone because no-one wants all the catering and organisation .....and they miss seeing each other, and the random extra bods that have become fixture visitors to me over the years.

I still think children belong in their own home, and would like to be the schlepper next year, please!

NCI - my parents said exactly the same - they lived 400 miles away from us and thought (quite rightly) that it was totally unreasonable to travel such a long distance - bad weather/diffficult road conditions/not much time off work etc etc at Christmas.

I also hope I never become one of those grandparents who 'expect' their adult child & family to visit them at Christmas.

My parents did actually have a couple of Christmas days on their own and said they really enjoyed them. They lived with my GP's as soon as they were married and then had another elderly relative live with them when we were born so had never had a Christmas with just the two of them. We always made sure that we saw them over Christmas and most of the time they came to me or my sister. Will always be grateful for their understanding.
They loved their Grandchildren and thought that it was a shame to 'cart them around the countryside'

I think you could persuade MIL to come to yours, so that she could use your heat and water, and eat your food as part of her extreme economy measures, that is, not using her own!

Plus you would all be comfy and well fed in your own home.

Actually the best Christmas must be at home, own kids, no guests

Don't plan a rotation. If you do, and one year you can't do whatever you were supposed to that year, all hell will break loose.

Every year, have a chat with dh and your children, when they're old enough, and decide where you'd like to spend Christmas and who with. Then talk to any other people involved. Visit the rest in Dec/Jan. Or in your MIL's case, invite her to yours - tell her that will be cheaper for her, that should appeal!

And don't worry about being fair - you're not a box of chocolates to share out.

Another vote for hosting Christmas Day at your home. I found it so much easier to do than to pack up all the stuff we needed and travel (and that was less than half an hour in the car!).

Is your husband able to help his mother and help her get some comfy furniture?

Are you in a good freecyle area? we have pretty much furnished our whole house with it.

It makes me feel really sad to think she has no comfy furniture and nearly every day I see people offering all kinds of sofas and easy chairs.

Hmm.
Maybe DMIL could get a sofa for Christmas. Plenty of pre loved ones about for reasonable prices.

Another vote for having Christmas at your own house and inviting parents and / or in-laws to your house.

Much easier with small kids and more fun for the kids than being dragged all over the country.