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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Depressed and lonely

40 replies

mich11 · 25/11/2013 14:09

I am a single stay at home mum to a 18 month old. I am so lonely, bored and depressed. All I ever seem to do is clean. I don't have a supportive family so can never get babysitters. I have no friends. I have tried all the baby groups but no one speaks to me and I am very shy with no confidence. So I still feel alone when I go to them. Baby goes to sleep at 8 so I just spend the night alone watching rubbish on tv. I used to love my weekends but now I dread them. I have nothing to look forward to. I need mental stimulation. I would love to have some friends but people don't seem to like me. Surely there is more to life. I am sinking further and further into depression. I dread waking up in the mornings. Would be glad of any advice xxx

OP posts:

BaldricksTurnip · 26/11/2013 16:16

I know it sounds random, but could you get a dog? I find that having to take mine out every day gives things a bit of structure. Dogs are also amazing company that might help your lonely evenings.

jacks365 · 26/11/2013 16:41

Mich I'm north west too and if close enough could do with more company too. Pm me if you wish

eofa1 · 26/11/2013 16:43

It is the depression making you feel that people don't like you. You need to remember that these dark feelings aren't an accurate representation of reality, they are a symptom of being so low. Think the volunteering/part time job is a great idea. Hope things look up for you, is horrible feeling like you describe.

daisychain01 · 26/11/2013 20:58

Hugs, simple as that. Times like this you need to know you are not alone. People on here are reaching out to each other all the time, so don't feel you are the only one.

It isn't easy being a single mum but you are doing an amazing thing bring up your little one. Hats off, Mich, you are a star

daisychain01 · 26/11/2013 21:17

As you are currently trying alternative therapies how about an aromatherapy massage on your neck and back with an uplifting oil like patchouli, black pepper, zingy smells like ginger and geranium can really lift the mood. You can buy the oil in Boots for about £5 and pamper yourself when your little one is asleep. Or ask for a massage as a Christmas pressie? Also lavender is lovely and relaxing as a burning oil.

Hoofdegebouw · 26/11/2013 21:18

I know it's not popular on mumsnet.. But have you tried netmums? They tend to have very active local sites and organised meet ups with a lead person organising it, so if you go along there will always be someone to welcome you. I have met some really nice people locally through it.
Baby groups can be really hard, if people already know each other they don't think to include others who may not - it's usually not personal but I know it feels like it is, I've been there.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 26/11/2013 21:29

Baby groups can be the work of the devil and people do go in pairs or meet friends there already made from other groups like NCT.

HOwver, there will be someone like you somewhere, its law of average! If you are able to really search out lots of them, they are all different and in one of them, will be sat someone like you.....

Also, I found they helped to break up the day for little ££. It was good to aim to get out to one, and give toddler run round.

Better than being stuck in. If you feel akward, read a book there.

justalilmummy · 26/11/2013 21:37

Netmums (I know shoot me) have very good local pages, and great organised meet ups
Also theres a meet a mum page u could leave a message on there for mums in ur area and reply to other mums who have left messages

bourneout · 26/11/2013 21:57

I agree with the comments about baby groups. I have been to loads (with 2 DCs), met lots of people and have made perhaps 1 or possibly 2 friends.

I also really identify with your comments OP. I pretend to be social but am actually really shy and have a tendency to get depressed. When I am down I find the groups are really draining. That said, I still take DD2 to them, at least the organised ones, as she gets a lot of enjoyment from them and realise she needs to socialise, even if I find it hard!

As I have got older I have discovered a couple of things that help me when I feel depressed and lonely. The first is to do SOMETHING. Doesn't really matter what as long as it is a positive step towards a goal I want. Can be as small as sorting out my sock draw or baking some lovely cakes. The sense of achievement is a good way to start shifting the depression.

The other thing that helps is doing an activity I really enjoy and which gives me focus. In the past this has been knitting, painting, photography, dance groups, going to an art gallery. Is there something you could do that you could focus on - and which might help you meet other people with similar interests? There might be evening groups you could take DC to, assuming he/she would sleep in the pushchair?

hoping you feel less sad soon..

Original poster

mich11 · 27/11/2013 13:51

Thanks everyone. I am going to force my self to go to the toddler groups next week. I have enquired about doing voluntary work. So fingers crossed I should be feeling better soon x

OP posts:

1980schick · 27/11/2013 14:23

So glad to hear your feeling a bit better, Where in the North west are you, Pm me if you dont want to say but could definately use some company, feel trapped with ds most days watching cbeebies and knowing the songs off by heart isnt helping my social life much

daisychain01 · 27/11/2013 21:54

Hello mich. Hope it goes well. Keep us posted. Hope you will tell us you made a new friend or two!

Original poster

mich11 · 29/11/2013 20:26

Feeling bad today. I dread weekends. Nothing to do and skint. I used to be a party animal with loads of friends. Can't believe how awful my life is now. I just wonder if things will ever get better. I hate having this negative head on x

OP posts:

Etainagain · 29/11/2013 21:28

Agree with all the excellent advice above. I think a part-time course is a good idea. It would give you the mental stimulation you crave and you would get to meet people. I found most mother and toddler groups very unfriendly, but I forced myself to go and eventually I met some nice mums and dads. Our local library has rhyme time and story time for the little ones which can be a good place to meet people (plus you can pick up some books for mental stimulation, plus maybe some self-help books too?). Perhaps you could speak to your GP if you don't feel comfortable talking to your HV. I think you could have PND. I felt exactly the way you did and went to my GP. She told me she felt the same when she spent a short time as a Sahm and told me to find a part-time course. She did also offer me counselling, although I didn't take her up on it.

salina76 · 29/11/2013 22:35

I have been in your situation. When I had my first ds I gave up my career and suddenly found myself alone with my baby with no family or friends around me. I gradually met people and made friends by getting involved in groups. I used to go to toddler groups and ask the organisers if they need any help. Invariably they do as these things are run by volunters. It gave me something to talk about and a sense of belonging.. I am very shy and struggle to know what to say to people, being involved gave me something to say and a reason to talk to people.

My Ds is now 7 and I am now involved in other community organisations and i now know a lot of people through these organisations. I don't have millions of friends, but I have enough to be happy. I am a shy and introverted person really, but getting involved has given me confidence and a sense of purpose. I don't know if that helps you, just wanted to share my story with you.

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