Sorry, another Christmas one...

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Bit of background. I am 32, childless and with a DP. I live about a mile away from my parents. Since time began, my parents have hosted Christmas for our family and 2 family friends (one my age and her father). I have attended every single Christmas since I was born. Over the years, my sister and other family members have missed a few due to living abroad, work commitments etc.

This year my sister is spending Christmas with her inlaws so will not be there. I would like to go away with my DP and have a quiet Christmas with him. However, when I raised this possibility with my mother she said I was being selfish as the family friend who is my age would be bored. I said fine, we'll go boxing day.

Now my sister has waded in saying that she will be at my parents' on boxing day and can I please delay going away so that we can have a meal together. Yes, I suppose, technically I could, but I am starting to feel annoyed that I am seemingly not allowed to do what I want with my holidays. Am I being selfish?

I don't think you are being selfish.

Could you point out to your mother that for years you have been at the table for Christmas and your sibling hasn't been there every year so this year you have decided to to away for Christmas. You could say that for all the years that your sister was living abroad and she didn't make it for Christmas day, this is your opportunity to have a break (don't know how that would sit with the family so keep that one in your pocket until it might be needed in a conversation). Did your sister ever make any attempt to come home for Christmas when she was living abroad?
I'd also say to the sister that you can't delay your trip away as you have already booked it (even if you haven't) and its not up to her or your mother when you can and can't go on holiday.

Have Christmas dinner in your folks house but don't delay your own holiday any more than you have to.

say no life is far to short to do what your sister/mother wants . personally i would go away . the friend is the same age as you so a grown up she wont be bored but but i would say no to your sister that you already have plans for boxing day

Thanks - I suppose I feel selfish because I don't NEED to go away then and could delay it. I just don't want to! My sister used to live in Asia so coming home for Christmas was not an option and her absence was legitimate.

If the family friend is your age she ought to manage not to be 'bored' for a day when she's been invited for Christmas dinner - if she was a teenager I'd be telling her to grow up! But your mum probably means she wants you there rather than it really being about anyone else.

But you've said you'll wait till boxing day, so I think that's settled now and harder to go back on.

But I'd certainly go on boxing day - if your sister wants to see you, she should make an effort to do so, not just assume you'll fit in with her plans for Christmas.

And tell your mum (and sister) - next year you and DP are going away for a quiet Christmas together, and everyone else can make what changes they like to their plans to work around that.