In thinking it is harder for me than DH when he works away from home?

[Wikkiwoo]

We had a 'discussion' tonight, after I explained I was finding it difficult since he has started working away. It hasn't helped that this has (unintentionally) coincided with me increasing my hours at work too - I now work 38hrs instead of 30. I asked if he could help out more at the weekends with housework and his reply was he works too hard in the week with him working away, he needs to rest up and spend that time playing with DC who he hasn't seen for 5 days! I am totally with him on the 'spend time with the kids' but surely he could run the Hoover round and make the bed after his 'lie in.'

So then the heated debate started basically arguing who has it the hardest during the week. He said it was him as he has a 3 hour drive there on Monday and has to be on the road for 5am and another 3 hour journey back on Friday. I said it was me as I now work full time, plus have to get both DC ready each morning (aged 5 and 2) then after an exhausting day at work, pick them up from childcare, make their tea, take dogs for a walk, play with DC, bath, story, bed then all the housework, packed lunches etc while they are asleep! He on the other hand has been in the pub or a restaurant every day after work! And to make matters worse our two elderly dogs wake at least twice in the night pining for DH!

YANBU.

Me an my husband have both had to work away at various times, and so we've both seen it from both sides.

We are both in agreement that it is far harder being the one left at home - you are left with the daily grind. The partner working away misses the children and home (obviously) and that's hard, but it is so much easier only having to look after yourself.

Hope you can work things out

omg definatly you op but competitive who works the hardest is a pointless debate as you both think you are right.

personally I would get a cleaner, outsource the ironing and

do family stuff together at the weekend.

I think you both need to stop the competitive "who is the most tired?" and focus on what needs doing and discuss sharing chores so you both get down time. You should both be trying to make each other's lives easier so you enjoy your family.

Oh good grief, competitive martyrdom never has a happy ending.

But obviously it's you who has the harder time - you're responsible for 5 beings all week while he's only responsible for one!

Basically, you've both been working all week (though he at least has evenings free), so you should have equal leisure time at the weekends. Chores should be split 50/50. There's time for both of you to get the house done together in an hour or two and then you can put your feet up while he catches us with the kids.

Or you could fork out for a cleaner on Friday so that you both have the weekend free.

What this seems to boil down to though is that he sees his job and generally himself as More Important than you. Yours is just a Little Job, so you should have lots of mental and physical energy left to do the housework and cleaning that women like to do anyway.

His job, on the other hand, is a Big Important Job, which uses up all his mental and physical energy, so he couldn't possibly trouble himself with hoovering over the weekend. Poor lamb.

Basically, he's being a selfish sexist idiot. Pull him up on it, fast.

Annie expressed what I was thinking far better!

I would be inclined to tell him that as you work X hours per week (work it out including the dog walking, sandwich making, cooking, cleaning etc) and he works Y hours, you will no longer be doing housework.

Either he does it or he pays for a cleaner but you are not doing it. And please tell me that he doesnt dump a bag of washing on you on a Friday that you then washing dry and iron.......