Help! I need some perspective - warning, in-law related

[Faulksonline]

I'm hoping all you mumsnet lovelies can help me get a little perspective on this rather trivial matter.

Dp is an only child & our 10 month old dd is the first gc, we were not especially close to the in laws in the 6 years preceding my pregnancy but since dd we have seen the in laws on average every 3 or 4 weeks since she was born, we live an hour & a half away. The intensity of their focus on her is overwhelming but something I'm getting used to.

Fil has announced he will be buying a bigger car so he can drive us around in one car while we're together instead of going in two cars. He will also be buying a car seat for dd. it irks me that he will be in charge of us when they are around & I will feel obligated to be driven around when I would far rather drive my family myself.

Dp doesn't drive & thinks it's a nice thing. Fil is very much in charge of his household, is slightly misogynistic, a daily fail fan & fairly xenophobic. His heart is mostly in the right place where we are concerned but I find myself silently disagreeing with every opinion he has. I like the time out I get from going somewhere in my own car.

I'm not going to refuse to go in the car, I will politely listen while he tells me what an excellent deal he got, feel car sick for the whole journey, & try to dodge mil while she tries to barge me to get to dd first - mil is a whole different story for another day.

Please help me look at this with the humour & indifference it deserves & get on with it without silently festering & resenting. Realistically when we decide to have baby#2 we'll have to go back to 2 cars anyway.

Oh dear, first time poster & this has accidentally turned out rather long - thanks if you got this far!

Don't go in the car, but do it politely.

"No need to drive us, I am going to take my own car".

Repeat.

Hurry up and have dc2. In the meantime, think of the money you're saving on petrol.
(Sorry, I couldn't do any better. YANBU though, I totally get your point.)

I think that maybe FIL means that if you go out as a group you can take one car, and you will still be able to go out in your own car and stuff whilst you are there. My ILs can be a bit overbearing too with our DD, she is their only GC. It gets tough after a while and a lot of advice comes my way too.
Think of it this way, your ILs will be lovely and prepared for when you and DP want a night away, or even a meal out one day, or when DC2 comes along and you need a bit of help (Tough to think of I know because I have trouble thinking about that!!)

12 or so car journeys a year... Try to grit your teeth and bear it. Your DD's grandparents love her. This is a good thing.

It's his money he's spending on the car and car seat too.

Sorry - I'm not usually so Pollyanna-ish but there really are worse problems.

Take the opportunity to have a glass of wine with lunch?

Oh dear, if it helps I can completely see your point of view!! Not sure why he's buying a car seat as she'll need to stay in her rear facing stage 0 one for as long as possible - they are much safer rear facing.

I get really car sick so would be needing to sit in the front...

Get pissed before they turn up?

You feel what you feel.

Tbh, once every 3 or 4 weeks isn't that frequent, 1.5hrs means they can't (or aren't likely to) just drop by, it's a waste of petrol to take 2 cars when you could just take 1, it's a pain in the arse to be forever swapping car seats so it's good that they're going to get their own.

But that's just my take on it. They're not my inlaws and your feelings are your feelings and presumably formed over many years.

Rising above it, not sweating the small stuff and all the associated cliches are handy if you can manage it with regards to inlaws though

getting ca sick is your get out clause. after all. you would not want to ruin fils lovely new car would you?

Ha! MrsM great minds!

Thanks guy's, while I realise in the grand scheme of things this is entirely trivial, it's really nice to know there are others out there who understand why something well meaning on the face of it can get under your skin.

for me the main clincher would be, is he a safe driver?

if not then definatly drive yourselves.

if he's ok then probably go with it as it's only every month. you could make sure any trips are fairly local and that you are always with them.

can totally see your point but at least they arnt local so hang your hat on that.

I would enjoy the time your dd is strapped in and cant go anywhere and get a bit of shut eye :) also agree with not sweating the small stuff, life is too short. She will soon be chatting away and you will start to enjoy other people enjoying her if that makes sense.