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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man in the playground was BU

19 replies

gettngbetter · 24/11/2013 18:58

DS (just turned 4 years old) climbed up onto a structure in the playground with a slide and a bridge. I was watching him and saw him try to stand where a little boy wanted to stand. The boy was about 2. DS wasn't being extremely rough but shouldn't have tried to stand where the boy wanted to go. He didn't push the other boy but may have brushed off him gently as he tried to step into the same place the boy wanted to go. The 2 year old didn't seem to notice what had happened as there was no reaction from him

Immediately when I saw it I walked quickly over to DS and told him to stop - and I saw the boy's father giving out to DS - speaking sharply to him saying his son was a small boy and to stand back. He was speaking to him in an unfriendly tone - his face looked angry but he wasn't shouting

I just said - in an unfriendly tone too 'I came over straightaway....' But I couldn't think of anything better to say. The man didn't say anything - just looked away. I really wish id said something better to him.

AIBU to think he shouldn't have spoken to my son like this - or should first have looked around to see if DS's parents were about to deal with it

OP posts:
DeepThought · 24/11/2013 19:02

it's so easy to forget how BIG four year olds look when yours is still weeny

and your brushing away of a teeny is a birrof a shove to a teeny's parent

DYSWIM?

Original poster
gettngbetter · 24/11/2013 19:04

But I came over immediately? And my DS barely (if at all) touched the 2 year old. I'd be the first to give out to him if he was being too rough

OP posts:
neunundneunzigluftballons · 24/11/2013 19:08

Personally I am never unkind to 4 year olds in playgrounds I steer them or my child gently away to prevent collisions but I never see malice in the behaviour of a 4 year old so there is no reason to not be nice. What I have noticed over the years in how parents who only have very small children often have unrealistic expectations of older children due to their own lack of experience with the age group. I have once or twice reminded someone that a small child was 'only a child' in similar circumstances to call them out in their inappropriate behaviour.

JumpOnIt · 24/11/2013 19:09

YANBU.
Sounds like you know your DS should have been more careful but the man should have spoken to you, not your son. I would have been really annoyed if I were in your position.

JuneauWhoIAm · 24/11/2013 19:09

Yes and if you were the parent of the two year old you'd have been looking out for him too.

Thymeout · 24/11/2013 20:05

Sounds like something needed to be said then and there, or the two year old might have come a cropper. No time to wait for you to come over and sort it out.

YABU - better that he told your ds to back off than the drama that might have resulted if the 2 yr old had fallen and been hurt.

tumbletumble · 24/11/2013 20:07

I think it was a natural reaction from the other child's Dad.

If he had shouted it would be different.

BarbarianMum · 24/11/2013 20:10

^^This. But personally I would have tried not to be unfriendly about it. But I don't have a problem with stopping other children potentially hurting mine, or in fact, each other. I don't subscribe to the belief that I need their parent's permission to speak to them (I even once removed a stick from a child who was hell bent on whacking my toddler with it - gently, but firmly).

bimbabirba · 24/11/2013 20:11

There's a fine line between "brushing off" and pushing a smaller child to one side so yes YABU

Morgause · 24/11/2013 20:12

You weren't there and the man thought his child was in danger of being pushed. I think he was being reasonable, he didn't shout but was firm, from what you say.

MrsOakenshield · 24/11/2013 20:16

to be honest, I would speak to a 4 year old - they are old enough to understand this kind of thing. So you coming over wouldn't be particularly relevant. And agree that a 4 year old 'brushing off' a 2 year old may look rather worse to the parent of the younger child. It won't have done your DS any harm and he will hopefully remember it next time.

Original poster
gettngbetter · 24/11/2013 20:28

I was there - but about 6 foot away watching. I moved immediately when I saw the incident.

I just think there is a nicer way to deal with this - DS is only just turned 4 and doesn't need a strange adult speaking to him sharply when he hadn't meant any harm.

If I had been I'm the man's position I would have said something like 'everyone be careful now'.

Obviously if his son had actually been in danger of being hurt I could understand him reacting a bit - but this honestly wasn't the case here. The two year old seemed oblivious to what was going on. There was no danger of him being hurt - and if I at all felt there was i would have corrected DS.

I think the 2 year old's father was a little over protective of him as I noticed afterwards he was hovering over him constantly. I think it's his right to be over protective if he wants but if he brings his 2 year old to a playground he has to accept there a chance other older children might brush off him unintentionally etc.

OP posts:
MrsOakenshield · 24/11/2013 21:47

well, I don't know why you posted here as clearly you think YANBU!

babywipesaremagic · 27/11/2013 18:54

Even if he was being overprotective you don't know if there was a good reason. I hovered over ds2 or had ds1 do it for me whenever we were out for months after he was very ill. I got a lot of strange looks but I was paranoid of him getting any knocks to his eye that had recently had surgeries.

Parents of bigger kids forget how annoying it is to have to bigger kids at playgroups playing roughly next to tiny ones. Maybe the dad isn't used to going to playgroups, so isn't used to how bigger kids play yet.

If you don't want to risk other adults speaking to your child I think your only option is to hover too. Smile

VenusDeWillendorf · 27/11/2013 18:58

You probably need to stick a bit closer to your DS to be honest.

In fairness, 4 year olds are monsters to 2 year olds.

He might have been sharp to your DS, but you need to supervise more closely IMHO. Its not the end of the world that your boy was told off for brushing past a younger child. He'll remember to be more gentle in future, and let smaller kids have a go first.

You need to stay closer to your DS if you don't want strangers telling him off.

Nanny0gg · 27/11/2013 19:19

He doesn't sound much more over-protective than you do, tbh.

No harm done, stop worrying.

gobbynorthernbird · 27/11/2013 19:23

When you have a 2 yr old you have no idea of what 4 yr olds are like. They are bigger than your DC and that is all that counts.

mummywizz · 27/11/2013 19:24

My 6 year old son has sensory processing disorder and has been bish bash all his life (really peaking at 3/4) and believe me the poor little mite has had his fair share of angry parents telling him off even when I'm stood right there apologising! IT IS HORRIBLE I wish they would remember that they are all children, you are right to feel upset, you always think of excellent retorts after the event.

ClutchingPearls · 27/11/2013 19:28

I think it sounds like a non-event TBH. Your DC was a bit territorial, He commented.

A mans voice is harsher than a woman's naturally. He didn't say anything wrong and 'an angry face' is subjective, especially when you don't know what his neutral face is like. (I permanently look a bitHmm , tis just the way my face goes)

Your DC will learn a wide range of angry faces and harsh tones, this was just one of those days.

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