To be unsure about this point of modern family life etiquette....

[NorthernLurker]

I really don't know what to think - a friend recently divorced after discovering their partner had cheated, was still cheating. The partner has now split up from the other party involved. My friend is still buying Christmas, birthday and 'special day' presents for their former spouse on behalf of the young dc. Now on the one hand this is very sweet. On the other hand I think they're bing a mug especially as none of this is reciprocated. So what's right? Should they be clear this isn't their job anymore? Or should they be 'big' about this? AIBU to not have a blooming clue what's right?

I used to help my DSD and DSS buy presents for their mum on her birthday when they were younger.

She never did for their dad but I thought I'd appreciate it if the boot was on the other foot . (They had a very difficult divorce before my time).

Hmmm, I've fed babes and realised you could be friends with dad and kids live still with mum. So, concede I'm still wrong. Either way across three separate posts I've said or am saying the parents decent. :)

and I agree with that!

The divorce is recent you say.

I reckon she'll do it for a couple of years then the new partner will take over.

I have children with 2 exes... I always help the kids get pressies for their dads for Xmas etc etc - never expensive more token gifts but I choose to do that because I want my boys to learn that you are thoughtful and kind and get family pressies for special occasions.
1 of my exes reciprocates and the other doesn't and never has done. My mum takes the kids shopping before my birthday so they have something to give me

I always did thisfor exDP on behalf of DS, for his birthday, xmas and father's day presents. He never ever did it for me. It still rankles.

I carefully made no assumptions about gender. I suspect your friend is male as I don't think you would have batted an eyelid at a mother helping DC buy presents. Am I right?

I noticed that about your posts prof. Think you were the only one! I'm not going to confirm anything either way but what I would say is that actually the gender of the parents had no bearing on my uncertainty. It was the reasons for the divorce that weighed on me and I can now see that was unreasonable of me.

I don't see the problem with this, it seems better than people refusing to allow their child to get a present for ex because of the parents' ill feelings. S/he must be really strong to put aside that so soon after the end of the relationship which is a good thing, surely?