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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 6 is old enough to not need me or DH to get up at 6am with ds!

86 replies

cupcake78 · 24/11/2013 07:41

DS is a early riser. He always has been and tends to wake up like hes been plugged in! Very refreshed (unfortunately). This alone pisses me off. I dont do mornings, I hate them and am very very grumpy.

Once again I find myself sat with ds watching kids tv all because he refuses to come downstairs on his own. He is very capable, knows how the tv works and can get his own breakfast but he's having none of it.

I have tried for years to stop this but nothing has worked and now we have dd (5 months) I will do anything to keep dh and her asleep. DS makes such a fuss he wakes everyone up and then no body can get back to sleep.

Dh and I take turns but I am getting annoyed with ds for being so useless! We've been up with dd 3 times last night. She is a baby afterall this is what happens.

DS woke at 5.30. I think his sister probably woke him up. Its usually 6ish. He went back to his room for all of 15 minutes and then the huffing puffing and stomping began. I'd just got dd back to sleep. Dh was up at 3 with her and sunday is his lie in day. He came in with me for 4 minutes but the fake coughing, wriggling and general movement and noise was becoming too much.

Told him to come down on his own and the moaning started.

So hear I am again! Sat up while ds watches rubbish on tv and all I want is my bed! DD is still asleep for now at least I do not want to be here. I am trying to see it as abit of me time. Time to mumsnet etc but I bloody hate mornings especially when I'm tired, its dark and its cold.

I dont think he needs anyone up with him just to watch the bloody tv.

OP posts:

EugenesAxe · 24/11/2013 08:04

I didn't feel sad. I know it's perfectly easy to love someone to bits and yet feel very ranty about some part of them that is slightly defective, in comparison to others. Better here to strangers than to his face.

It's perfectly reasonable to be frustrated about this when you KNOW he is capable otherwise, and apparently just seems to be digging his heels in.

Haven't got much to suggest though; is sibling rivalry a possibility or has he always behaved like this? Perhaps reassurance and lots of affection, with appeals for reason on his part, would be better. If you get all Draconian he might remember that and link it to the new baby, which wouldn't be ideal.

thebody · 24/11/2013 08:06

sounds like both your dh and your ds out their needs before yours love.

time to toughen up to both of them.

if dh doesn't mind getting up then let him do so and see to both kids if he and ds wake up your dd.

YOUR need to sleep is important.

your dhs responsibility to support you in dealing with your ds is bloody paramount for the future or your sleep problems now will be minor in comparison to future problems.

you are the adult here. ds is the child. he does as he's told or he gets punished. worked for my 4.

Lucylouby · 24/11/2013 08:07

I agree with everyone else. Our dc have to play quietly in their rooms and then around 8 I will say they can go down and put the tv on. Then we get up around 9-9.30. I bring some breakfast cereal up and they help themselves and eat it dry (they like it like that). They just know that's the routine and there is no point badgering me to change it. You need to talk about it during the week, so next weekend he understands that the routine has changed and he is going to have to be more independent.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/11/2013 08:09

Non negotiable for me. Tell him you will interact with him from 7 only. End of. You're in charge.

froubylou · 24/11/2013 08:09

Put the news on. Or something you want to watch. And let him whinge.

Not only is he telling you when to get up he is also ruling the tv!

And if he wants to chat over what you are watching just tell him to shush.

He will soon get bored of watching the news and will be happy to let you back to bed in exchange for the remote.

Worked with DD anyway.

Original poster

cupcake78 · 24/11/2013 08:10

Its not rivalry. I have to remind him every morning not to wake up his sister! He cant wait to play with her. He's a lovely little thing really, loves people and likes a chat, cant wait to tell you about his night (once he's woken up that is which takes a few hours of grumpy mummy and tv).

The fact is he's so social and used to being included in almost everything until bedtime and then its our time.

OP posts:

GampyWabbit · 24/11/2013 08:11

My 6 yo woke at 6.30am and has been downstairs by himself watching television and playing since then.

DeathByLaundry · 24/11/2013 08:14

What about an old smartphone with a couple of games or videos on it? If this problem is restricted to Sundays then a treat like that once a week could solve the problem. We don't allow TV or computer in bedroom but I wouldn't mind some gaming once a week if it got me some more sleep!

LIZS · 24/11/2013 08:14

so is he not used to entertaining himself ? Perhaps that is something to work on during the daytime. How long did you try the clock for - you will need to be fairly insistent but consistent to begin with. Does he have a visual timetable in his room to remind him of your routines ?

thebody · 24/11/2013 08:19

well yes he dies sound a lovely chap and most 6 year olds are.

they can also be controlling and narcissistic. that's normal too but needs to be controlled and channelled.

if you need sleep then he has to be taught to respect that.

Pogosticks · 24/11/2013 08:20

How comfy is your sofa? When mine needed downstairs company that consisted of me dozing on sofa with blankets. I bet he will grow out of it.

Shamoy · 24/11/2013 08:20

You need to sort out with dh first.
Have a chat with him. Tell him you can't cope with these early starts as well as the night wakings. You'd prefer to enforce a new routine with ds with dh fully on board and together get it to work. However if dh prefers not to enforce a new routine with ds then you are happy for dh to do both morning early shifts (in exchange for you doing more of the night wakings or something) and leave things as they are
Once you've agreed a strategy with dh then you can implement with ds

shushpenfold · 24/11/2013 08:20

Agree entirely on the 'give him a choice' aspect. Do make sure though that it's not something that's bothering him….can't work telly, scared on own etc. See if favourite teddy would like to watch too etc. My ds probably wouldn't have done this either but was entirely happy to as long as his 2 yr old dsis was there to protect him!!

shushpenfold · 24/11/2013 08:21

….in fact, at that age, 4 and 2 yo dsis……much easier in a posse.

Original poster

cupcake78 · 24/11/2013 08:38

Clicks don't work, we tried the lot. Digital, stickers, glow clocks etc etc! I think I need to maybe talk it over with dh and come up with a plan. I agree ds is old enough to understand and I also agree it's been going on for too long!

I think the boring method may work with him. He doesn't watch a lot of tv in fact weekend mornings are the only time. Maybe I need to change this. He has an innotab 2 which he enjoys I wonder if I need to swap tv to mid week and innotab maybe to weekend mornings if he stays in bed! If he does this for a few weeks Santa may bring him more games

Dh doesn't agree in computer games until he's older. Dh can be very stuffy about these things but that's because he's not interested himself. He does play a few kids games like Lego etc on the laptop. I think its important he has a bit of everything but getting him reading and to enjoy it is our main focus.

OP posts:

thebody · 24/11/2013 08:43

I think you are overthinking this.

you need sleep. he needs to respect that. up to him to decide what to do when he wakes up but whatever it is he is quiet.

he's 6. he should be able to sort himself out for an hour or so.

tell your dh what will happen too. stop being so nice to them all and letting them walk on you. woman up!!!!

Crowler · 24/11/2013 08:45

He sounds like a sweet boy OP. But I would never allow a 6 year old to get me up before 8am on a weekend. That's why TV was invented.

BoundandRebound · 24/11/2013 08:46

If it was me i would be firm

Tell him he stays in room until 8 or goes downstairs quietly and puts television on

Tell him off if he doesn't

Stop pandering

merrymouse · 24/11/2013 08:49

I think the problem is that while you are being firm, you may need to put up with a few mornings of loud resistance. Children/people/dogs generally need a while to learn that there has been a change of policy and the old ways won't work.

whoselifeisitanyway · 24/11/2013 08:52

Children don't know the time when they get up. They are either asleep or awake! I think you have to get up with him, give him a quick breakfast, put the tv on and go back to bed. It sounds cruel to punish him for just waking up in the morning. However he should be capable of watching the tv on his own. My dd is clingy but she will get engrossed in a programme and I can sneak off.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 24/11/2013 08:52

Yes, the issue is your DH more than your DS. Tell him he can either do both weekend mornings or work with you on getting DS more independent.

It changed my life when DS1 was old enough to put TV on for himself and DS2 (DS2 a bad sleeper for 3 years).

Is your DH alternating getting up with your DD?

TheDoctrineOfWho · 24/11/2013 08:53

whose life, he's not being punished, he can do those things by himself, he just doesn't want to.

rumpledtitskin · 24/11/2013 08:56

I'm so glad I've read this thread, We have been making life so difficult for pus elves over just this.

Dd7 has always been an early riser, but because I am absolutely paranoid about her turning the gas hob on by accident making her breakfast, or puling the tv on top of herself while switching it on etc etc, we've had bloody years of her waking us.

She's so good, and all she wants to do is go downstairs on her own. I know she is more than capable and she is extremely Independent. I seem to have had a mental block over this!

Today, I shall make the breakfast stuff more accessible and move the tv unit so she can get to the plug. It's the first day of the rest of my life.

Op, would your ds manage without you if you laid stuff out for him?Maybe leave him a note downstairs letting him know what he can do and when to come and wake you?

VikingVagine · 24/11/2013 08:56

What about you going to be earlier? You can get a hell of a lot done in a day if you get up at 6! We have to get up at 6 for work during the week, on weekends DD usually wakes up at 6 or 6:30 and we just get up and get on with things, makes the weekend seem far longer.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 24/11/2013 08:58

Viking, surely the problem is the night waking with DD?

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