to take a picture of this and give it to him on Christmas Day

[hiho84]

Ok so abit of background. Dh has a well paid job. I work part time and earn very little.In theory it bbalance s as I pick up most of childcare etc etc.
He is a keen collector of an item. He probably spends 200 to 300 per year on this hobby.
So yesterday he mentioned that a item he wanted was on sale . It was above our budget for xmas but I said me and dc could get it for hi. He replied that he could get it as a treat from his bonus as he works hard yadda yadda. Now I would normally accept this but he has already treated himself to 300 pounds worth of this stuff.
Yet when I suggested that Iwanted to join a gym whch included free swimming for dc he was really negative about it.
Also he brought himself a tablet computer last year from his bonus. I got one but as a birtday present from him, his parents and siblings.
Another year I received a camera as a birthday present. Dd accidently broke it and dh wanted to buy me a replacemt as my Christmas present.
So there is alot of history here
Aibu

The thought of having to ask DH for stuff or wait until my birthday turns me cold.

I would make sure that it is a joint account, you are earning half by doing the childcare and the rest. If you didn't do it he would either have to give up his job or pay out for nannies, cleaners etc I couldn't imagine having a situation where DH bought what he liked and I had to ask first.

He sounds like a cock. I'm really sorry for the loss of your Mum.

No, not a joint account. Joint accounts are for couples who understand that everything is shared.

One account for bills and joint expenses (such as anything the children need, items for the house, family holidays etc). One account for his spending money. One account for yours. Work out what needs to go in the joint account each month. Split the rest equally between your two accounts. Then neither of you need resent any money that the other spends on themselves. If he doesn't want to split equally, split according to the hours of work (including childcare etc) that you both do - because I bet you're doing more than him.

In the meantime, work out how many hours of housework/ childcare/ managing your family's life you each do. Work out how many more hours you do than him. Prepare an itemised invoice him for the last year's worth. Use the rates you'd have to pay someone else to do exactly what you do (so nanny not childminder etc). Just to show him that he is not the only one doing the big important job and earning all the money and deserving the bonus.

As for the in-laws - tell dh you're feeling undervalued and undermined, and he needs to start singing your praises to his parents, or you'll stop being polite and nice to them.

Go & join the damn gym, don't ask, tell him you have actually signed up. When he moans you can point out that it costs less than his Lego. Lego really??