To wish I wasn't the one who always initiated get togethers with my friends?

[hackneybird]

I think I'm on a bit of a self pitying rant here, but I definitely feel that I am ALWAYS the one who gets in touch and says 'Its been ages, fancy a catch up over a coffee/wine/meal etc.?' I feel like I always initiate contact, and when don't I never hear from anyone.

Recently I have become totally fed up with it. I would love to receive an invite to something instead of being the organiser. I'd love to feel that a friend was thinking 'I haven't seen Hackney for ages, I must drop her a line and organise a catch up with her soon'. But I never hear from anyone unless I get in touch first.

I'm starting to wonder whether any of my girlfriends are proper friends at all. A couple in particular are always saying 'oh, we must do this or go to this place' and I say 'well let me know some dates when you are free and I'll check diaries at home to see what dates I can do too'. But I never hear from them to follow it up.

I'm also 11 weeks PG and feeling really down and cheesed off. I could really do with some nurturing from my female friends, but am getting the usual 'oh I'll let you know some dates when I am free', but then weeks go by and I don't hear anything.

I recently moved to a new area where I don't really know anyone locally and I'm feeling very lonely at the moment.

I also think that probably a) I'm being over sensitive b) everyone is so used to me doing the organising that they just take it for granted and c) we are all so busy with our dc that we are all just very busy and consumed with the juggle of life.

But I could really do with nice long hang out with an old and good friend to cheer me up.

Sorry for the long winded 'me me me'.

I totally understand! Every single one of my friends agree to meet, come over or invite me to theirs within days ONLY after I contact them.
I did an experiment once (sort of, work was hectic, I didn't feel like doing much) and I didn't contact anyone for months. They didn't contact me either because they never do! I see them quite regularly if I arrange it!

People move on. If your lifestyle is different from your friends, ie they're young free and single and you're not then that might be a factor.

I have drifted from a few friends and we do the 'we must have coffee' thing but never actually do. I'm just not that interested in seeing them.

wips all my friends and I are in same boat - we all have young children and most work at least pt.

Perhaps what feels like my everyone in entire friendship group has moved on and are just not that interested, as you put it.

What an immensely depressing thought.

No, people are just busy. When you meet up it will be fine. You're just feeling lonely because of the move.

I am the "organiser" in my groups of friends.

I go through periods of getting upset and feeling the same as you but then I also realise that if they didn't actually like or want to see me then they wouldn't agree a date to meet.

I am just the type of person who is very organised and they are the type that need to be organised by me!

However I know they are true friends when they all swapped work shifts and sorted child care so they could come to support me at my Dad's funeral recently.

I'm afraid I am one of those friends you speak of never organise anything and my keeping in touch is a text every week I'm pitiful...however...this does not mean I am in any which way ungrateful for my organised friends who love to keep in touch and organise events as if it wasn't for them I wouldn't do anything. I think about them every day but I just don't get in touch, it's not me, I don't do it and I never will, my friends understand this and I love them for it.

We all have our faults, don't get down, trust me, your efforts will be appreciated even if it doesn't appear so. Keep your chin up!

OP are you me? I feel exactly the same about 90% of my friends. Some I've known since school, some ex-colleagues, some "mum" friends - all ones that have stayed the course after the usual thinning out when life moves on so I do consider them proper friends but if bugs the hell out of me that I NEVER get a "lets meet up on X" from them. They are always pleased to hear from me and we do meet up but the instigation is mine, EVERY time. (and its not madly often, its not like I don't give them a chance to get in first). It does make you doubt yourself and how much they really are bothered about you. And I don't accept "hectic lives" as an excuse. Mine's pretty damn hectic with two small kids, an almost full time job with two hours a day in the car on top and all the rest of the usual stuff but I manage to do it, so why can't they? Sorry, no real help to you OP, but you aren't alone at least!

People can be really lazy. This is one of the things that upsets my DH about his friends, so it's not just women!

Oh ok this is very encouraging, thank you all. The rational part of my brain tells me that of course it is as we are just all busy with children, other halves, homes and work, and that I shouldn't take it personally. But sometimes it's hard not to.

I have been SO down and cheesed off lately and have really needed a nice cheering evening with a good girlfriend. And everyone is too bloody busy all the time. I have been feeling very neglected. But I don't want to guilt anyone into coming out as I don't want to get all needy. And actually all I need is a natter and a change of scene - not a therapy session!

Feeling better already. And bonkers, I can def think of some who I KNOW would help if I needed child care for a family emergency.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Ironically my school friends are the ones I can't call on for emergency child care as we now all live so far apart. BUT they are also the one's who I feel completely at ease and myself with - something only years of friendship can bring.

Many thanks for your thoughts - I feel lucky at the time we we got with my Dad before he died - not everyone gets that chance x