To want a surprise for Xmas.

[ScariestFairyByFar]

Every year my mum tells me I have to choose my Christmas present as I'm impossible to buy for it's been like this ever since I was a kid. We've been in hobby craft & Lakeland together and I tell her how much I love these shops and craft & baking, nice kitchen stuff anything but she can't shop without me telling her exactly what to get. So aibu to tell her not to bother if she can't put thought into it. She even gave me cash last year from my 1yo as she didn't know what to get me from her!

Yanbu I hate this to - cant remember the last time someone bothered to think about what I might like. I spend a ridiculous amount of time choosing perfect pressies. I don't think I am difficult to buy for?? Maybe we are though....

Perhaps she doesn't want to disappoint you on Christmas Day with something you don't like? Could you give her a short list of a few things to choose from? I know it's not the same as a "proper" surprise but you won't know which one she will choose.

I understand how you feel - it's frustrating and makes me feel a bit flat.

Every Christmas my parents give me and my Dsis (you're going to love this ScariestFairyByFar) a ......cheque!

Dsis and I always feel deflated - obviously, on Christmas Day & Boxing Day all the banks are closed, and if Christmas Day falls on a certain day you can be looking at days and days before you can cash the bloody thing, and even then the onus is on you to physically go and take it to the bank, queue up etc etc!

Why not transfer the cash on the first possible day before Christmas? Or just hand us the cash on Christmas day? (At least then we could spend it in the sales in the following week.) Or why not even ask us if there's anything we'd like, or even better, why not surprise us? We would rather they spend a fraction of the value of the cheque and hand us a present they've actually thought about.

Nope you are not being unreasonable. It's an awful feeling that some can't think enough to get you a gift. Having said that some people mean it for the best to give cash or vouchers (not everyone though).
I write a list for ds and dh with everything from a huge diamond ring (no chance), a restful few nights away, right down to a tube of my fav hand cream, hair clips, fav chocolate or books. It includes beautiful pots for the garden, a particular mould from Lakeland, all sorts. In fact I just write down all year long ready for birthday, Christmas and Mother's Day. Ok so it's not a real surprise but from a list of 50 or 60 items there's always something I get that I'd forgotten about.
Hopefully you'll get a lovely gift this year.

Forgot to mention, OP, that I also used to have to think of presents for my parents to give to my DCs....now I actually think of them and buy them, and they give me the money.

Add to all of the above that they come to our house for Christmas, DH buys and cooks all the food and I don't let them lift a finger....my mum still gets stressed about Christmas!

Wow thanks, OP, I feel much better getting that off my chest!

I won't have to phone my sister and moan about it to her now, like I normally do!

I have the same - anything from my parents is chosen, ordered/bought and wrapped by me. But I've stopped being sad about it now mostly - I just focus on the positive which is that I can get something I/the DCs really love but couldn't afford myself.

And when I read lots of other threads about parents/PIL turning up with heaps of tat, or deliberately getting duplicates, or trying to outdo each other etc, well, I think actually in some ways I got the better deal :)

Yes I think YABU. Sorry. Some people are really good and choosing the right thing for the right person and some are not and really want to the recipient to have something they REALLY want and will enjoy. Doesn't matter if you have to choose it yourself or not if its given with love does it?

You must get other surprises from other people so I think accept what you are given with good grace and enjoy choosing together and spending money on something you might not otherwise have afforded. To say not to bother is almost certainly going to cause hurt feelings and sound ungrateful. Season of goodwill is it not? That cuts both ways.

Thanks for the replies. I'm a single parent so they are the only people I get a gift from and my dd if they take her to get something. Maybe I'll tell them a couple of things this year and give up with the hint dropping.

Yep same here. In fact my mum has recently given up altogether so we get nothing and yes she still expects presents herself! She has moved on to giving vouchers to the grand kids instead.. Is sometimes annoying but I think some people just don't have the confidence to go choose something for other people so I don't take it personally.

I would rather tell people what I would like and not have the surprise. We don't treat ourselves very often, so would rather have something I actually want than what someone thinks I would like. There is so much money wasted at Christmas on tat and unwanted presents, people work hard for their cash and want their gifts to be appreciated. Personally, I would rather have a big something than lots of little something's and my mum would need to know what that big thing is to get it right. The little things like hand cream I can afford to put on my shopping bill occasionally, it's buying the bigger stuff I can't justify buying.

YANBU my parents do this to me and DH and it drives me batty!

Neither of them are particularly easy to buy for but I always take time to look for and buy something nice.

But we always get asked - last year they actually phoned me while they were out shopping to ask and wanted an immediate answer!

We don't even expect a lot - a nice bottle of wine and chocs would be nice. They know my DH likes an odd whiskey, I quite like natural bath stuff (I have eczema), candles/incense we both like, they know which perfume/aftershave we use etc. But no, apparantly they can't think of anything

YANBU. My mum gives me money, so I buy something and she wraps it up. I have to tell DH specifically what I want. I'd love a nice surprise occasionally

To be fair it's probably better than the alternative of her choosing herself which tends to end in disaster despite me being quite easy to buy for in my opinion.

I have an amazon wishlist if someone wants to surprise me with a gift, but I don't really need anything, so it rarely has more than 2 or 3 things on it.

I accept I am difficult to buy for - I don't want books that aren't on my wishlist, I don't really wear jewellery, I don't want clothing/accessories, I don't get excited about shoes,I pass on most toiletry gifts to school fairs/charity shops...

Very few adults in our circle buy for anyone other than the children though, which reduces the disappointment I feel when I open another toiletry set...

I am eyeing up a feather duvet on amazon though...:D

The only Xmas presents I ever get are ones I buy myself, so sorry, YAB a bit U.

Misfitless are you me? Or related to me?

This year we have persuaded my mother to transfer money rather than give a cheque as trying to get to a bank is a nightmare! Also buy presents for children and she gives me the money back (as a cheque)!

One year I got very annoyed about receiving yet another cheque for Christmas and text my sister from my phone to ask whether she had received the obligatory cheque, although I hadn't sent it to my sister but to my mum.

My mum absolutely hates Christmas and would rather it never came along!

My brother asks for a specific list of things I would like every year. It is tiresome because most of the time there isn't anything specific I can think of and I find myself just saying anything. This applies to my birthday too which is in January. The one year that I didn't tell him what I wanted he bought me a Betty Boop calendar. His reason - because I'd had a Betty Boop calendar in my bedroom when I was 13?!

I agree with a pp, give her a list of ideas or shops, eg.

Baking items
Thermals
Something from accessorize

That way, you are giving her a helping hand, but don't know exactly what you will be getting.

Yanbu my partner is exactly the same. I organise and plan every single holiday, birthday etc. For my 21st I went away for two days prior to my birthday and was so excited thinking he'd have spent the time decorating the house, buying surprises. On my birthday morning I was given.... A rubber duck. I don't even like ducks. I was so upset and he just said he didn't know what to buy me. We'd lived together for two years at that point and I never buy anything for myself but am always pointing out things I like. All I want is a bit of thought and effort.

I know exactly what you mean my family is the same. My mum has chosen me something herself this year though and I'm a little afraid and excited!

YANBU
DH and I have had this row every Xmas for 25 years.

Anything from a nice long sleeved top to wear with jeans, a nice bra, any £15-35 slightly ethnic, slightly craft shop earrings. Any lavender or fruity spicy Christmas shower gel. Dark chocolate, Champagne, bits of crystal that I collect.

Honestly, is that a difficult list, no anyone with two X chromosomes would sort it no bother, but it is totally beyond him.

Expensive digital photo frames, DAB radios and a nice watch are fine, it's ordinary low budget non geek that he just can't do.

it drives me fucking mad.

see also; what should i buy each of your children(one of whom is now an adult), what should i get your dh? what should i get every one else

last year this was added to by the rare arrival from overseas of prodigal son- what should HE buy every fecker in the family?

the final straw was when the pair of them dbro and dmum arrived on christmas eve at 2.00. What have you got mum said i? Nothing yet, i thought i'd ask you- at 2.00 on xmas eve in a small market town.

so everyone gets a lovely perfect suprise except me.